Narcs Using Enlightenment as an Excuse

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#1 Jan 30 - 7PM
Journey
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Narcs Using Enlightenment as an Excuse

My exN talks as if he has inner awareness and that his motivation in life is to walk a path of enlightenment. He believes everyone he meets has something to offer him which enriches his life and that he chooses to not become attached to them or whatever they offer as if that would be breaking some spiritual code. He is all about living in the moment and accepting 'what is'.

He believes it is our choice to be where we are at all times and since we all are on our own individual spiritual journeys, that belief allows him to wash his hands of any responsibility for what we feel, especially when he decides it is time to move on and we are discarded (often completely).

He talks about how happiness can only come from within and should not be dependent upon attaching ourselves to ANYONE or ANYTHING in order to be whole.

On the surface the philosophy makes sense, but doesn't this just sound like the perfect narc handbook to justify to themselves and others their detached emotions and selfish behavior?

My exN discards with the assured right to chose for himself in any moment regardless of whatever his choices may have lead people to believe in the moment before, with little or no concern about how this affects anyone who loves and cares about him.

I think this is what has caused me the most painful and confusing cognitive dissonance. He is so good at convincing people that he has good intentions and really cares. It felt so real when he wanted to be here but when he changed his mind it was all simply gone.

Even now, knowing what I do, I easily slip back into self blame thinking it was all my fault the relationship ended because I could not be enlightened enough. That I caused all of my own pain by attaching too much importance on my love for him and his place in my life. There is truth to that which screws my head up immensely because it doesn't take into account the fact that I was deceived and manipulated by him.

I know we need to allow others the freedom to be who they are, but he uses this to get away with detached and cold behavior in relationships while at the same time saying he wants us to be happy.

In The 'Power of Now' by Eckhart Tolle, he says "But beware: Some people who are unresponsive, withdrawn, insensitive, or cut off from their feelings may think and try to convince others that they are enlightened..."

"If there isn't an emanation of love and joy, complete presence and openness toward all beings, then it is not enlightenment. Another indicator is how a person behaves in difficult or challenging situations or when things "go wrong"..."

These two paragraphs were the only things that helped me find any consolation in times of severe anguish from the spiritual failure I felt I was when my N dumped me. He had me believing it was my inability to love unconditionally or to allow him the freedom to be himself that he could not stay.

Can anyone else relate to this kind of spiritual talk by the narc? This has been the hardest part to reconcile for me in my recovery.

I'd love to hear your opinions...

Feb 2 - 10AM
Susan32
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He claimed to be an enlightened vegetarian...

The ex-Psych professor co-opted his mentor Cora Diamond's arguments from "Eating Animals, Eating People." He claimed that he cared about animals sooo much. Besides, he liked the visual of meat eaters suffering from mad cow disease. One of his favorite Leo Tolstoy quotes was "If there were no slaughterhouses, there would be no battlefields." In my presence, he'd always eat vegetarian meals (always bagels)... there were rumors of him wolfing down hamburgers at fast food places. Yet he was intensely jealous because a dog had followed a friend and I back to campus. He'd say "Only dumb animals and stupid kids like you!" He was jealous of my family dog. He'd endlessly talk about "animals ripping each other apart." He tried to get a classmate in trouble because she wouldn't dissect an animal. If he had been a genuine vegetarian, I think he would've been proud of her following her ideals. I've gone to a vegan potluck, and they don't refer to animals as dumb. Genuine vegans&vegetarians tend to be decent, respectful, happy people.
Feb 1 - 9PM
ABC0311
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Yes!

Mine used to read about spiritual people and quote them. He would quote Buddah, Deepak Chopra, etc. Each new person he'd read about was a major turning point in his life. All the sudden his life had new meaning and direction... For about a week.
Feb 1 - 12PM
strongerthanever
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Enlightment...seeing signs

Enlightment...seeing signs from God? My exN saw signs from God after our first breakup that we needed to be together. Of course, while telling me this, he is on dating sites talking to other women. He saw signs via country songs, tv shows, and little clues here and there. I wasn't convinced and he knew how I felt about spiritual signs. I shared stories with him in the past about the ones I have received. I think he pulled whatever he thought out of his bag of tricks to convince me he changed...in 3 months with no medication or therapy or reading any books...so I would take him back. Others have told me that he seems to live in the moment, day-by-day, does not think or care about the consequences for his actions and lots of self gratification. Sounds like a psychopath and Narc to me! He would not talk about happiness because he said his mental illness, depression, prevented him from having happiness or long-lasting relationship and healthy with anyone. But then he married someone 6 months later. Makes no sense. I think his new depression meds gave him such a high and he was really manic, fearful, just nuts and picked this young naive girl to solve his many problems. we all know that people or marriage does not solve problems, it creates more. His brother who is a HUGE spiritual person, almost cult like, told him that he cannot expect to have a blessed relationship if he doesnt follow God's word. Hmmm...he knows he didn't follow the Word with me so, I guess with the childbride he is making an attempt? Trying to be all enlightened and all? It wont last. The only thing that has been consistent in his life is how he treats people, his anger, and depression.
Feb 1 - 2PM (Reply to #50)
Journey
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Signs

Mine said he saw signs too! One breakup midway through our relationship he said it was because of something his horoscope 'told him' that morning that he needed to take a step back in order to reflect upon his feelings about me and our relationship. Oh it almost seems funny to me now... he stepped back alright and I'm sure at the time there was at least one woman waiting in the wings to help him figure out what his 'feelings' really were. Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 1 - 3AM
becsta777
becsta777's picture

OH my GOD!

Wow...is it possible we share the same narc?! Mine could go on and on like he was the guru of 2010, he thought he was Jesus, I swear. You know what he wanted to do with his life? He figured he was so great at dishing out advice to people that he could make good money being a lifecoach! Oh, a ski instructor/lifecoach. I'm glad I read this post, I was thinking today again as I sometimes do, that maybe he was just really insecure and I was insecure and maybe I've been thinking of his as this raging narcissist when in reality he was just lost and I just overreacted or something. Then I read this and that Tolle excerpt really hit home to me. I never made it all the way through the Power of Now so I didn't read that quote, but I wish I had. Mine too, used the excuse that people should not get attached and that it was acceptable for him to just flit off to a ski resort to work for four months and then return to me like nothing had happened, like he wasn't going to be with all these other women there. I was supposed to just go along with it and the fact that I couldn't meant that I wasn't enlightened enough. Was I supposed to just stay at home burning incense and chanting with my meditation circle until he came back and I could greet him joyfully without expectation because he's a free spirit? Puhleeeease! I guess a part of me, all this time was wondering if there was something wrong with me for wanting a man to stick around, wanting them to be there for me emotionally and physically. Thanks Journey, for starting this thread....xoxo
Feb 1 - 11AM (Reply to #45)
Journey
Journey's picture

Same narc!

Hi Becsta777, not the SAME one because mine wouldn't be a ski instructor, but I could see him doing the exact thing with scuba diving or sailing - lol! I'm glad this thread could help you. It is one of those things I think that doesn't usually get addressed because it is perhaps one of the most covert of the emotional abuses IMO. Mine expressed this stuff as if he was trying to help me be a better person and from a truly compassionate and loving individual that might be the case, but not from someone who avoids intimacy and real emotional exchange. I still don't know if he really believes it. I think he has to in a way, so it can be used as a pacifier to any guilt that might creep into his consciousness if he were to face the truth about how his behavior really hurts other people. Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 1 - 4PM (Reply to #46)
becsta777
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Thanks Journey

"Mine expressed this stuff as if he was trying to help me be a better person and from a truly compassionate and loving individual that might be the case, but not from someone who avoids intimacy and real emotional exchange." Mine did that too, his self righteousness annoyed me in the end as I began to see through it. Its the worst thing in the world though, to see through someone but to still be hopelessly, unexplainably addicted to them. The fact that he was into spiritual stuff and personal development was a real point of confusion for me for a long time, I wasnt sure how he could be into that stuff and a Narc at the same time. I did go and see a clairvoyant a few months after he'd left though and asked her about him and she said "when he's around you, his heart flutters and he loves you, but when he's away, it flutters for someone else, more or less, a player" when I asked her if I should see him again on his return she said "no, your energy is very light and he is attracted to it, his is dark and he will try to steal your light" she said that he wasn't a malicious person but he was a player of sorts and a very un-conscious person. I think him believing all that spiritual stuff and thinking he's so f'ing pure is probably about right. I think he actually believed it, which would explain him as 'non malicious'. I mean, deep down he probably knew he was doing wrong, but he could easily explain it away and avoid responsibility with the spirituality thing. anyway, thanks again...all the pieces are slowly fitting together :D
Feb 1 - 4PM (Reply to #47)
Journey
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Becsta777

In a way you are lucky you began to see through the spiritual stuff so soon. I had no idea mine was acting from a disordered personality until this past September when I found this and other sites to help explain it to me. I spent 13 months after our breakup believing he was a normal guy who was just afraid of commitment - lol! This part of my healing does feel like one of the last real hurdles to overcome. This is what has caused me the most pain still, even after getting 'over' my jealousy toward the other women, the horrible missing of the friendship and love I thought we shared and the realization I was only used for what I could offer him in furthering HIS agenda and having to accept that I was nothing more than a great supply source that he could simply toss away without wanting anything more from me once my usefulness wore off. Those things made me cry for a long, long time. Now this issue is the one that still does it to me. Almost every comment I've read and written in this thread has caused the tears to flow... I am a firm believer that we must cry in order to cleanse the toxic residue of emotional and psychic pain from our systems. Be VERY careful about what you interpret from what a clairvoyant tells you. I talked to a psychic early on and she right away said "oh, he is a very cold man..." and a few other things. BUT, she could not tell me he is a NARC and THAT is really ALL I needed to know in order to begin healing. Anything else kept a semblance of doubt in myself and hope alive that one day he'll realize how good I was for him and want to come back and kept me thinking he wasn't doing anything on purpose maliciously, but only unconsciously out of his fear and need for self protection. Now I don't know anymore. It could very well have been part of the game plan all along. Even though mine seemed to show some remorse at times, maybe he really is a psychopath with absolutely NO remorse or understanding of how completely 'wrong' and damaging his behavior can be. Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 1 - 8PM (Reply to #48)
becsta777
becsta777's picture

Journey

Oh yes, you're quite right about interpreting things psychics say. For a while after she said all that to me I suppose I still felt that maybe we could be together, but since then other things happened that made me realise we cant even be friends, let alone in a relationship. I guess I feel the same way, as you said above, that it was the love and friendship I lost that hurt the most, coming to accept that these things were not real. I am still having a hard time with this. The part that hurts me the most is that he totally discarded me also. I am usually friends with men that I am no longer in a relationship with, we are almost always civil to each other for a time and then resume a friendship and the narc knows this because I spoke to him about how important it was for me, but he totally d&d'd me like nothing ever existed between us. Perhaps thats saying it all really. In time, I'm sure I'll accept it more easily. I just keep reminding myself that someone who truly cared for me as he said he did, would have been happy to just be a friend and not feel the need to get romantically and sexually involved with me during such a vulnerable time in my life. His twisted theory was that he could heal me sexually! What a sleaze. And what happened to just being a friend to someone without getting physical? Time heals all I suppose. xo
Feb 1 - 12AM
loveofmylife
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I could have written this

I could have written this post. Mine has said all of these things and I have had all of your same reactions. I kept thinking that it was my fault that I couldn't live in the moment and accept that "it is what it is". This too was a HUGE part of my CG - because I kept thinking that his thinking was right. But it caused me so much pain and he got away with lots of deceipt and betrayal that he somehow justified in his mind with this line of thinking.
Feb 1 - 3AM (Reply to #42)
Journey
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Justified in his mind

Oh exactly loveofmylife. Thank you for your validation! I blamed myself for a very long time too because of this and it has only been recently that I've started to really examine it for what it actually was. I also keep thinking his thinking was right because much of it is when kept in thought form, but it is the implementation of how it translates to his actions that turns it into something that doesn't ring true anymore. It seems every self help and spiritual book I've ever read supports the view points which he claims to live by and uses to justify his lack of empathy and emotional detachment. It is only by observing how he's reacted under stress or when challenged that gives me any certainty that he is not really doing it for the 'right' reasons after all. Mine ran away whenever things got difficult - every time pretty much. There was no real compassion if I was suffering, maybe some snippets of caring words thrown my way, but he could not let himself really care or ever really be here for me. He avoided responsibility when it would have been completely appropriate to have taken some for specific things that happened. Apologies are very difficult for him unless they are said almost like throw offs and there were only a few that did feel authentic. More often like something he begrudgingly has to do sometimes when he knows he has to if he still wants or needs something. I'm really glad I started this thread and can see how I'm not alone with this because I've been writing my story over the past few weeks and it has been depressing me a lot. I have had so much trouble with this issue as I'm beginning to clarify so much in the telling of it that for awhile I was taking on a lot of blame again since my story doesn't have a lot of raging drama etc. I hope to have it ready to post soon over on AARN. Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 1 - 4PM (Reply to #43)
prettypeeved
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I have an audio book of The

I have an audio book of The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, and it really hits the nail on the head here, because the guy says that these people are into what he calls "Quick Fix" and they use the "enlightened" methods only in a very shallow and surface-level way to make it LOOK like they're all enlightened and clever and everything, without actually being so. It's a sort of "they talk the talk but can't walk the walk" type situation I suppose. A lot of what they claim to follow really is pretty useful and enlightened - it's just that THEY don't really follow it at all. It's just yet another weapon in their arsenal of lies. I began to figure this out when I realised his "enlightened" behaviour was just being used as an excuse to treat people with shocking indifference and lack of empathy.
Jan 31 - 6PM
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Journey

I think you Narc is Full of S*&^. I really hate these guys. What ever it takes is their motto. All I can say is Ill never be narced again and Im pretty sure you wont either. How sad to think they live in such dark angry place. Journey on............... Idealk
Feb 1 - 5PM (Reply to #37)
Journey
Journey's picture

Ha ha Idealk9

Thanks for your no nonsense, see it like it is comment!! I often think of the song by The Who "Won't Get Fooled Again", but replace fooled with narc-ed - lol! There is a real danger still that my exN could slip back in under the narc radar because he has never tried to, so I really don't know how I would actually react to him if he came back with apologies and professed undying love for me or even just a promise of friendship again. We had a lot going on together aside from our love story which could possibly tempt me as a friend if I'm not strong enough yet. We are still in contact for business reasons, though I have no illusion that he is still my 'friend' as it is now. BUT! There is no way any new narc will get even half a chance to fool me again with romantic love. They would have to offer me the most amazing fantasy possible to top the one my narc showed me and that is highly improbable since his was the best I think I could ever imagine. Next to that, he would have to be Bono or someone equally as fantastic to me in order to blindly fall for it again. Lol! Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 2 - 12PM (Reply to #38)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Journey

Mine doesnt contact me either. Tell it like it is, That's me. Im pretty sure he won't. He know better. He could offer me the moon and the stars. Not this chick. I wish he go to the moon and stay there. If yours contacts you, call me first Ill remind you of what damamge he caused. You will not go back to round two. Got it Missy!! OXOXOX Idealk
Feb 2 - 2PM (Reply to #39)
Journey
Journey's picture

What a coincidence Idealk9NYC!

I might need to get your phone number after all - lol! Last night he called. We are still in casual contact for business reasons and seldom if ever share personal info anymore at all with each other. I know he is busy with new supply right now, so I didn't sense that had anything to do with his call. BUT, our conversation did get more personal and it has been a long time since we've done that. It was a conversation that planted seeds of doubt again that he truly is NPD. I know his behavior is emotionally avoidant and cowardly, but it seemed the caring I felt from him last night was genuine. I know it is a dangerous ground to walk letting myself believe even for a minute that he might be capable of caring, but it did seem like he does and there is real confusion on my part about how that translates to his narc-i-ness behavior. He expressed remorse to me about some of the ways he has hurt me and admitted he felt shame. In his voice I could hear sadness and it was easy to believe it was real. Luckily he lives far away right now and it won't be until March before I would have any opportunity to actually see him, it just seemed funny after posting what I did about him in the comment just above in reply to you that this conversation would take place. I know I may be chastised now by you and others here that I let a conversation like that happen in the first place, but at the time it felt like the natural and right thing to do. I have been processing the effect it has had on me since it did leave me wondering if his disorder may not be as entrenched as it is in other narcs I read about. There are some things that he has never done which I've read should be expected from a narc. I know I sound like I am justifying my right to care, but the fact is I do and I felt sorry for him because of the way he sounds so deeply unhappy sometimes with himself and regretting past behavior. Oh dear, I may just need more time to see this clearly again. Journey on...

Journey on...

Feb 3 - 10AM (Reply to #40)
Hunter
Hunter's picture

Full of shit, he is setting

Full of shit, he is setting you up. Ive been through round 2. Go to the other site. I will give you my number. I will tell you everything. I've met FUMB and Happy when I tell them what he did and said they stand there speechless. My Narc is a piece of shit and yours is too. Like Betty said even if you sugar coat shit once you bite into it, what you find in the middle is shit. I don't want you going back. Please listen. Trust me we care more about you than he is capable of. Step back, don't you see how he just played you? That's why NC is so important.
Jan 31 - 12PM
LinaS
LinaS's picture

My ex-N used his so called

My ex-N used his so called christianity as an excuse when he dumped me. He said that romantic love is the closest we come to experiencing God in this life. And that he didn´t feel this connection with God when he was with me. He said that he had to be "true" to himself and to God, and not compromise his beliefs by staying with me. He also said that his life had become so much better for every failed relationship. That he had learned and experienced new things with each new girlfriend. He made it sound like we were only stepping stones to the future. And to him I guess we were. When I told him that of course you learn from every new relationship in your life but people aren´t exchangeable and shouldn´t be discarded like objects, he said "That´s what girlfriend nr 4 said when I broke up with her", with this really amazed voice. I guess they never learn. And I guess everything, even religion, spirituality or personal moral codes can be used like a weapon when they want to discard you. My ex-N was very good at convincing me that he cared and had good intentions too. And when he broke up with me he said he had to do it because I was so clingy, and because he "couldn´t be my metaphysical foundation in life". I felt so guilty. At first I put all the blame on myself. But then I started to think, and realised that yes, maybe I had been clingy, but that was because I had just lost our baby. And I hadn´t contacted him more than he used to contact me. But the rules had changed, strangely enough right when I needed him. He changed the rules, he decided what would happen and he had all the right reasons. But it was all empty and self-serving, just like your ex-N:s sprituality.
Jan 31 - 1PM (Reply to #33)
Journey
Journey's picture

Hi Lina

I'm sorry you went through it too, but thank you for sharing because it is so validating for me to hear that so many of us have. What you said: "My ex-N was very good at convincing me that he cared and had good intentions too. And when he broke up with me he said he had to do it because I was so clingy, and because he "couldn't be my metaphysical foundation in life"." What mine said: "You need to be with a man who can love you the way you want to be loved" - as if there was something wrong with me for needing something more than what I thought he gave when he professed to love and care for me. He accused me of being "too needy of outside validation and being in a relationship to be happy". I didn't recognize the projection for what it was because he was so good at seeming detached from needing a relationship, yet he is the one who has been in at least three that I know about since dumping me while I have remained on my own to heal from the destruction his presence in my life has caused. I don't and never have needed to be in a relationship to be happy or for validation, I have been single for long stretches of time and always dealt with it just fine. He is the one who is never without the supply a lover gives him. He is the one with profiles on dating sites. He is the one who can't be alone with himself yet he professes to not want to be in a relationship. It has taken me the 18 months since our breakup and watching him move from one woman to the next, to truly understand the reality of it though. Journey on...

Journey on...

Jan 31 - 4PM (Reply to #34)
LinaS
LinaS's picture

Journey

I know! They really are the needy ones. I don´t think my ex-N has been alone for more than a few weeks in his whole adult life. He contacted me the same day his ex-girlfriend broke up with him, and he walked straight into a new relationship when he left me. While I, just like you, have been single for long stretches of time and been just fine. What I found most hurtful though wasn´t that he called me clingy. It was that he told me that I wasn´t good enough for him. He used to tell me that he needed to find the right woman, who he could love in a "transcendental" way, and that wasn´t me. It was like his mission, his hunt for the holy grail. I know now that it´s all rubbish, and that he´ll never find that love. But he used it against me, and I still struggle to free myself from the feelings of inferiority and inadequacy that this created in me. It´s really screwing with your mind when someone makes it sound like their own inability to love and be there for you have a higher purpose.
Jan 31 - 6PM (Reply to #35)
Journey
Journey's picture

Oh Ya Lina

They are so pathetic! Mine went directly into another relationship and I don't think he's been truly on his own for most of his adult life either. There is once when he possibly was, at least he implied he was, but it happened several years ago when he said he wanted to be with the mother of his son and she was the one to keep breaking his heart since they were off and on again for a long time. If it is true, then that possibly sealed the coffin so to speak for his narcissism to take control of his life, but unless I ask her I'll probably never know what really happened. I was accused of being 'needy' which to me meant 'clingy' and that assaulted my sense of self worth in a big way - that he could possibly see me like that. It was the first thing like that he ever accused me of, right after the first honeymoon phase, which of course meant I was already hooked, so I tried to prove he was wrong for most of rest of our relationship by needing as little as possible. How convenient for him! Journey on...

Journey on...

Jan 31 - 12PM (Reply to #32)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Using Christianity as a weapon

The ex-Psych professor claimed to be a Christian without belonging to an institutional Church. He claimed that he had the same Christianity as Leo Tolstoy (Tolstoy was also a major Narc, the way Leo treated his wife of 48 years was emotional abuse, physically abandoning her when she was pregnant, threatening to kill her when she was in pain after childbirth) Leo Tolstoy insulted his wife's faith. When the Russian Orthodox Church excommunicated Leo.... his wife was devastated, as were his aunts, and his sister was a nun... but Leo took it ironically. The ex-P claimed he was saint, that he was such a good Christian. At the time, he claimed he liked Augustine's "Confessions." I'm sure one of his favorite scenes in "Confessions" is when Augustine's mother, Monica, tells women who've been beaten up by their husbands that they wouldn't be beaten if they were more submissive and treated their husbands with more respect. Monica tells the women that if they were more obedient&cared about their husbands' needs, they wouldn't be abused. The ex-P liked how Augustine dumped his virgin fiancee as a result of his conversion, he put it as "he threw her away like useless trash." The ex-P said that if I married him, he'd physically and emotionally abandon me as part of his search for Truth and to show his love for God. In the Gospels, Jesus' apostles speak of how they left their wives&children to follow Him. Of course, it's probably a favorite Biblical passage for Ns/Ps when Jesus tells how great His followers will be rewarded when they leave their wives&children.
Jan 31 - 12PM
prettypeeved
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Oh this is definitely a

Oh this is definitely a familiar one. Narc Boy firmly believes that he is more enlightened than other people because he "understands" that he is not "obligated" to feel anything towards others unless he wants to. In other words, it wasn't that he was an unfeeling psychopath, incapable of empathy - it was that he was "enlightened."
Jan 31 - 12PM (Reply to #29)
Journey
Journey's picture

Psychopath

Yes prettypeeved, I heard it the same way. Mine knows he's 'different' than others and believes it is his spiritual path to be the detached, unemotional freak that he is. On another thread in the forum there is a link to traits of a psychopath and 19 out of 20 rang true for me about my ex. Truly a scary reality that I trusted and loved him so much to let his attitudes dismantle my sense of truth so absolutely. Thanks for sharing. Journey on...

Journey on...

Jan 31 - 1PM (Reply to #30)
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Gawd this is so CLASSICALLY

Gawd this is so CLASSICALLY "narc". It just hit me.
Jan 31 - 10AM
finallyletgo
finallyletgo's picture

journey if you want to read

journey if you want to read my post a week or so ago..there is a couple but one of them has everything he had text me to make me doubt wiht his supposed enlightenment..i hpe it helps you see you are not alone
Jan 31 - 11AM (Reply to #27)
Journey
Journey's picture

Thanks

I will look for it. Journey on...

Journey on...

Jan 31 - 10AM
finallyletgo
finallyletgo's picture

I can def relate. its

I can def relate. its something that has been killing me inside all week. its hard to keep it together at work and school. exN last week had told me that he didnt think it was a good idea to hang out anymore because he rushed into things again with me too soon after his last relationship, even if he didnt have the feelings for her to seem that way. he said that he needs to take a few months and truly put God first in his life, heal from his past and what he has seen and been trthough as a child, and is sorry for everything he has done to me and knows that he can never be made up to me..he said he knows he cant express love and i am right that he doesnt cherish me and that he needs to be alone with GOd , find joy and happiness and do things right or he will keep messing things up with me and he wants us to be friends for now. it was so hard to reject it but i blew up and acted like a mental case beucase of all the anger from the past. texst and called and left mean vcmails. and he was left off like i was annpoying and he didnt want to talk to me, that he told me how he felt and that if i dont trust him than move on or be friends. this whole week i had regret, sadness, angery and self doubt and blame...shoul di really believe this and wait a little longer,,is her really saying that he knows he was never ready and isnt ready and although he was excited to see me and start up again because he has seen my valie, he knows that he has to take this time to make it right for us???? did i act like a psycho because of the past let downs and the fact he dated someone a few months after and came back after htey rboke up and now wants a break again..after a few monhts knwoing how hard it would be for me ..but he is not ready and im supposed to trust everything he said because this time he means buisness. ....... i totally get what you are saying...its toture and causes a lot of self blame, and doubt, but i have to trust as do you..that we have to go by past beahvior..and they would show us through consistent actions and we would have a sense of peace to give them aother change and believe there true enlightment. that is why i chose to block him and tell him how i felt abotu all these years..so now he hats me but. i know that no matter what they say its the actions that show it.. and they show none for a consistent period of time
Jan 31 - 11AM (Reply to #25)
Journey
Journey's picture

Finallyletgo

I'm sorry you too have been put through this awful spiritual distortion that damages our very souls. I have prayed more in the past year and a half than in my entire life, just trying to reconcile the truth for myself. Asking God, the universe, my higher power - whatever it is that might hear me, to please guide me to find some solace from the pain it has caused within. I have felt in more ways than one, that I have had some divine intervention occur in my life in the past four months to help me recover - finding this forum is a part of that... Journey on...

Journey on...

Jan 31 - 9AM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Cowardice as "enlightenment"

The ex-Psych professor would claim that people mocked him because they were "defending themselves from him." He would literally run away from situations in which he thought he was being mocked... and compared himself to General Kutzov in "War and Peace" who always retreats from battle with Napoleon, but wins in the end. I remember telling him "you can't run away from everything." When he was subject to questioning at a Q&A session after his lecture, he D&D'd everybody in a fit of anger. Again, running away from the questions. He tried to mask his cowardice as enlightenment. He'd say he didn't mock himself because he took himself seriously... yet he had NO problems with cruelly mocking me to my face or behind my back. He knows I mock him for his cowardice... that I am here, laughing my butt off... when I broke NC, I compared him to my baby nephew, saying the behaviors were the same, the ages were different. I got the last laugh. At his expense. And I enjoyed it.