Miss Lewis's Story
Miss Lewis's Story
We have been on and off for 1 year and a half. When I first met him, there was electricity! I had just painfully ended another relationship. "T" drove up to me in his shiny Mustand and drove up to me informing me that I was abosultly beautiful.
We engaged in a long and intense conversation and I gave him my number. He called several times but I ingored his calls; I was still recovering from a previous relationship.
A few weeks later, I ran into "T" again, he drove up to me while I was standing on the sidewalk near the beach. We both thought it was "Fate" that we ran into each other.
This man was over-the-top and too good to be true from the get go. "T" informed me that he owned his own business, house and numerous other things (that turned out not to be true). "T" would take me to the best resteraunts and just listen to me. Come to think of it, he never revealed much, I supposed he was studying me.
Within the first three months he was extremly clingy, making refernces to our future together, and showering me with praise and adoration.
At the three month mark, he actually propsed to me! It took him three hours to convince me that he was serious. The next day, I mentioned something about said proposal and he stated that he actually wasn't ready for a serious relationship. I flipped! I stormed out of his car and said,"Lose my number, creep!".
A few hours later, he was bombarding me with phonecalls. I caved in and met up with him. He informed me that he met a woman on the street, went back to her place because he needed to "talk to someone" and he paid her $40.00 for a foot message. I should have ran a million miles away at that point, but he charmed his way into luring me to stay.
Things pogressivly grew more intense and I noticed so many red flags.He had no friends, his closet childhood friends hang up on him of he calls them to this day (and it's there fault, of course), he had a very promiscuous past that icluded seeing prostitutes on a regular basis, he had no attachment to previous flings, he'd change his number after he was done with them. He was extremly rude to waitresses and he appeared to be disusted with humanity in general (which is strange, because I am a humaitarian). He'd always say, "Take my hand, Angell, it's us against the world.
"T" had violent tendencies, aswell. "T" told me that some guy was looking at him funny in a grocery store and "T snapped, he pushed over a shelf containing canned goods, and smashed a can on the man's skull, also causing $800.00 worth of damage. I was mortified and disgusted when he told me this story; "T" had no emotional reaction and seemed to appear as if his actions were justified.I STILL didn't leave him at this stage!
It turns out "T" lives with his parents, they owned an old truck, and "T" would drive truck for his father. "T"'s father owned the Mustang, aswell. This is a harsh contrandiction from his original story!"T" had actually filed for bankruptsy.
"T" lives in another town, ran up a $200,000 charge on his credit, smashed a rented vehicle that was not insured and lived it up like a rockstar. "T" was very grandious in his telling of this story, stating everyone in the town thought he was powerful, he'd sleep with three random woman on a regular basis, he'd spend $4000.00 on lunches, live out of a posh hotel, he even considered plastic surgery. Eventually, he used up all of his credit, ended up flat broke and had to deal with legal issues due to the car accident. "T" had no job at the time, and was living in a fantasy world, purely on credit alone, pretending he was "rich".
"T" had to move back with his parents, including his Narcisstic Father who was very angry that his son was such a failure. "T" was his father's slave, driving truck non-stop, comepletly cut off fropm the world.
"T" and I would continusously get into arguements. Mainly due to his inconsideration( for example, making plans with me at a specific time, and then not showing up for 5 hour later w/o awnasering his phone) WHen I would confront him with any issue, it became grossly blown out of proporation. He would end up yelling at me and making soul crushing statements, such as calling me a worthless whore. I would be in tears, he would run off for a few hours, then call me back acting as if nothing hapnned and flat out denying the abusve comments that he had made.
We would get into these arguements on a weekly basis, than he would leave town for a week. It was driving me crazy. Somehow he kept me hooked.
Sometimes, I would go along for the ride while he was driving turck. That was a huge mistake! We would be stuck in a car for days, he would say all sorts of rediculous,negative things. My nervres were already bad at one point, and he called me an old, washed up, ugly and worthless whore (I am a very youthful, attractive woman, but 10 years older than him).
I snapped and splashed him with my water, "T" flipped out. "T" grabbed me,dragged me to the door, lifted me over his head and slammed my body against the gravel pavement. "T" threw my boots into the river. I just lay on the pavement, crying and and in intense physical and emtional pain, while "T" proceeded to call me a dirty animal and a worthless whore for the next 30 minutes."T" eventually convinced me to get back into the truck. I was shoken up for the rest of the trip but "T" brushed it off like nothing happenned.He even strated singing a cheery tune!
He managed to lose his driving due to reckless driving (No, he didn't use drugs or alcohol, he was a health fanatic). "T"'s sense of entitlement extended to the road, he got a kick out of bullying people, and racing them on the road. "T" would get pulled over at least three times per day. The police would issue him a ticket and "T" would always flip out on the police, as if he were above the law.
"T" was becoming more and more abusive, not physicaly, but emotionally. "T" was constantly breaking up with me, than phoning me back, denying he'd break up with me. "T" would spend the night at my place and then take off w/o explanation. Everytime I'd had enough, he'd shower me with gifts and beg for me to stay!
We had an itense arguement, "T" stated that he took of the other night becuase he wanted to go to the bar and check out other woman because I am so old. "T" broke up with me and I flipped out.
A few days later, "T" phoned me, sucking up. His father kicked him out(because "T" lost his lisence, couldn't drive truck, and was essentialy useless to his father). "T" basicly told me that he was moving in, I didn't want him to, but I was essentially pressured into it. Big mistake!
"T" had no life skills, was fired from every job he ever had. I enabled "T" by making up resumes, cover letters, and applying for hundred's of jobs. He would go into an interview, and blow it with his arrogant attitude. "T" would inform the manager doing the interview, that dispite his lack of experience and education, he could do the manager's job wih his hands tied behind his back. Needless to say, he recived no calls back. Finally, "T" landed a job at a car dealership (after I spent two hours prepping him for the interview". I was buying all of the groceries, cooking and cleaning. "T" would come home from work everyday and speak about the woman he was working closely with. "T" began to speak about her way too much, so I joked, "Is she going to be your new girlfriend?". "T" stated that if I kept talking like that, she would be. I became very upset and dramatic (due to all of the stress I was facing). I yelled at him,stating that if he wasn't happy, he should leave! I picked up his shirt off of the hanger and threw it on the bed, stating that he could pack his things, "T" started to push me around and than threatened to break my legs. I was rushed with adreniline and called the police but hung up after 1 ring. "T" took of, but a police man showed up and I was so emotional I told him the whole story.
The police warned me not to go back to this man, the police stated thart he was going to speak to "T" and I had no choice in the matter! I begged the police not to ( that's how sick I became, I guess it's a case of Stockholm Syndrome).The police visited "T" at work, and gave him a warning not to return within the next 24 hours.
The following day, I met with "T" begging him to return. "T" moved into a hotel next to my work and refused to see me again (that is, until it suited him!). "T" basicly blamed everything on me, stating that I was a disloyal woman for calling the police.
For the next three months, "T" would contact me after I gathered abit of strength, insinuate that he wanted to get back together and work things through, buy me presents, sleep with me and than inform me that he did not see a future for us, and again, not contact me for a week. This whole process drove me crazy! I kept trying to end it for good, but he'd lure me back again with false promises and mega charm!During our split, I went to the book store and was drawn to a book on Narcisstic Men. That is when I started to figure things out!
I eventually started to emotionally detach and date another man. This is when "T" did a 360 degree turn. "T" Insisted that I was the woman for him, he wanted to move in immediatly, and start our future together. Dispite my instincts and better judgement, I let him move in again.
So many little things happned. We were walking down the street, and a prostitute new him on a 1st name basis, I found a used condom wrapper and we don't use condoms, he had phoned several message parlours, and of course he flat out denied all of these incidents, claiming I was insecure and had trust issues!
"T" was becoming more emotionally detached, he would work 15 hour days, come home, I'd make him dinner and he refused to make any meaningful conversation.The sex with "T" became less frequent and more mechanical. "T" Would treat me like his slave asking me to do little things that he was capable of doing himself constantly. "T" never helped out with groceries, I did everything. When I would try to bring up my frustrations, "T" would mock me, refuse to look me in the eye, and try to distract himself with some other activity, basicly pretending as if I were invisble. I would become more frustrated, then he would call me a psycho who was out of control, too emtional. He threatend to abandon me several times. I would be sobbing and he would get this sadistic look in his eyes, start laughing and than start singing a cheery tune again (Knowing that drove me mad!).
I started to feel like the life was being sucked out of me, I could no longer eat or sleep, always obesessing about him and filled with anxiety. I informed "T" about the stated I was in and he showed no empathy, Stating he likes his woman drained, weak and depressed.
I was starting to feel as if I was living with an emotionless robot, reapeating the same obessesive compulsive rituals (like spending three hours looking in the mirror every night fixing his hair-I'm not joking), devoid of any intimacy whatsoever. He gave me a really creepy feeling and I felt so alone in his presence.
One evening, "T" pushed every psychological bone in my body, he pushed me to the point of snapping. I lost it, packed his bags and kicked him out (literally kicking him in th behind on his way out,lol).I gave him so many chances to work things out, I beleive he pushed me to the edge on purpose.
We repeated the same push and pull cycle again for a few months."T" stating he wanted to be with me, the next minute denying he'd ever said that-sometime there were only seconds between these conflicting statements.
I finally had enough was enough and decided on no contact. It lasted one week. He broke me down with his regular phonecalls and sappy messages on my voicemail. "T" even stated that he was going to all of the places I hang out and walking down my street, hoping to catch a glimpse of me!
"T" came for dinner, stated that he had enough back and forth and wanted to move in with me again. I informed "T" that I wanted to date other men, "T" wanted me all to himself!
A few days later (Today!), I met with him for coffee.He started off being superficially friendly. I asked him if he was serious about me this time. He stated that he was, although we had a lot to work through. I asked him how he planned on working things through., he said communication. For the next half hour he kept switching responses, saying he wanted to be my boyfriend, and then telling me to move on. I got angry with him and told he that he was leading me on this whole time, wasting my time, being phony and making false promises. I told him that I needed to move on and we needed to break contact for good! He tried to presuade me to be his "friend" and take things slowly. I told him that there is no going backwards, if he wasn't ready to work things out, I was done wasting my time. He than stated that he wasn't the guy for me (dispite stating that he wanted to marry me and work onour problems the night before). He said he loved me. I caled him a phony, flaky lier and a monster and stated that I never wanted to see him again! That was three hours ago.
I am back to day one of No-Contact. I pray to god that I have the strength to make it permanent this time. I am still in denail about the possibilty of him being a full-fledged Narcisst and I am afraid I will not be able ot relate to a normal man again.
I refuse to allow myself to be damaged by this experince and I am going to keep ny heart open again, and trust others. This time I will RUN at the first sign of a red flag and not look back!