*hanging head in shame* :(

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#1 Oct 25 - 9AM
Anonymous (not verified)
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*hanging head in shame* :(

So...I think I need to change my username to 'few steps back'...hope everyone's weekend was good, I haven't logged in here in a few days.

I feel like I need to get some stuff off my chest, and I'm hoping some of you have been through what I've done or can shed a bit of light on the situation.

For those of you following my situation last week...I'm about a month and a half of n/c, I'm feeling pretty much completely over him, but as I 'move forward' and began to date, it wasn't easy for me.

When I'm 'in the moment' on my date or after the date, I feel good...it's when my brain goes into 'over-analyze' mode that I need to take a step back or maybe get out of the house to clear my head. Who knows...anyways, here's what occured over the past little bit.

I saw 2 date guy one more time. And well, other than the idea that he's probably just as insecure as me (and you'll see why)...here's how it went down:

-----------------------------------------------

Ok, here's the situation.

A mutual friend set me up with a 'shy, nice guy' a couple of weeks ago.

We've had 3 dates.

Date #1 - Played pool, had fun, he asked me out for dinner at the end of the date for the following night.

Date #2 - Dinner at a classy restaurant, rented a movie and watched it at his place afterwards, no kiss.

Hadn't heard from him for a few days afterwards and mutual friends urged me to send him a msg letting
him know I was interested, he seemed excited and we met for Date #3.

Date #3 - (He texted me that he couldn't wait to see me that night, yada yada.)
A few drinks on the bar side of a restaurant (as part of my suggestion), bonfire at his place afterwards,
one thing lead to another and we ended up sleeping together. It was fun, we were shy...kinda tipsy and
he was worried I'd regret it later and he didn't want me to think he was only after one thing.

(Maybe it was the booze, maybe it had been a while, either way...there was no pressure, just 2 people attracted to one another and basically we were like a couple of happy, goofy teenagers, in a good way)

In the morning he was affectionate. I was more on the shy side as what occured was out of my character. After I left and once I got home, I saw these texts from him on my
cell.

10am-ish
Him:
"Hey, had a good time last night. Hope you don't have any regrets and hope I didn't pressure you
into doing anything you didn't want to do. Have fun shopping today. By the way, you looked amazing last night"

Me:
"you are too cute, no regrets & I can't stop smiling, enjoy your Sunday ;-)"

Him:
Nice, ya I'm pretty excited, you have a good day too"

4pm-ish

Me: :-)

6pm

Me:
"my turn... hope I didn't scare you off, I have fun with you and I'd like to see you again ...anyhoo, hope your
day was good, ttyl"

--------------------------------------------------​-----------

And no reply....and now it's the following morning.
The guy's wife left him a year ago for someone else. Mutual friends after our second date were like, you need to let him know you're interested, he's insecure
right now. I'm the first person he's dated since the ex-wife split.

So it's like, if I had left it be he'd think I wasn't interested. Now it's clear I'm still interested and he's backed off or
something.

He runs his own business and is a busy guy, but it takes a few seconds to send a msg. I like the guy, we do
have fun and I didn't think this would happen, I thought he was into me.

The one friend who pressured me into contacting him again was like, you're a confident beautiful girl, life is short and sometimes you need to take risks in order to give something a little nudge or move on, they can turn out one way or the other, but at least you'll know.

Aurrrrgh. Thoughts? (Please be gentle!! lol)

Oct 25 - 9AM
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Movingforward

I will try to be gentle and please don't hate me for what I'm going to say. I think that after the trauma we've been through, in order for true recovery to take place - men are sworn off...maybe a dinner or something but not with the intention that it may be a love connection - and even then I'm a bit hesitant to encourage dinner with anyone but girlfriends at this time. SECOND...your friend's advice wasn't all that great. If we expect men to step up to the plate, then we need to stand back and see what they do - let them chase. If he's too "timid" to chase, you damn sure don't want to be the one wearing the pants. You have to always pay attention but remember those flags? So, we have to trust that men are grown-ups and they know the rules. The rules are pretty damn simple. Don't think you can date me last minute, set it up with enough time nothing is approved if you call after Wednesday. TWO, I don't chase monkeys, monkeys chase me. That is before and after the date. I don't care how insecure he is or whatever...you are coming out of a trauma and you need to protect yourself more, already it sounds like it could be a set up for role reversal where you are calling him...no! If he was that interested, he would have called you to tell you he had a nice time. That isn't to say he didn't, but you have got to set the environment here or they will get plenty comfortable. Third, and it may sound prudish...we don't put out so quickly...even if we're horny as hell...men are still men even if they aren't narcs. I don't care what people say about women's lib. Men have categories in their black books. You're a woman and you have needs and I get that - but remember, even normal men still have that double standard. Slow down - don't knock yourself, you did what you did and it is what it is, screwed up situation I know...but if it were me, I'd slow down and do more work on me before venturing out into the jungle again. All the best.
Oct 25 - 9AM (Reply to #3)
michele115 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Betty Please move to the right area

It's all her fault!...LOL
Oct 25 - 9AM
movingforward (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

dammit, posted in the wrong spot again

Please don't reply to this one. Please reply to the post in the Vain forum. Can someone delete this?? Betty? Anyone? Thanks!