Is anyone else in the ANGER stage

Anger is a stage in the recovery from trauma. Nightmares about the abuser are also common in post-traumatic stress disorder. Trauma means, in essence, that the victim has lost control over her life. You lost control over your life, your relationship, over all you believed to be true, when you discovered N with another woman. In sending e-mails & engaging N, in a sense, you are trying to regain control. Trying to get him to understand & take some responsibility for having hurt you. This he will never do. Anger & obsessive/intrusive thoughts are all part of trauma recovery. I left my N some 18 months ago. Finally divorced and absolutely NC for some 6 months now. On one hand I feel much better. More in control of myself & my existence. But, still, sometimes I am ENRAGED when I think about the emotional rape, the erosion of my identity, & the robbery of my money! Only time will dull the sting of the wound. The scar will remain. Try not to pick at the scab too much by enticing him into a dialogue. You may have some satisfaction in present venting, feel like you are in control in the moment, but really you are just prolonging the agony. Do what you need to do. Understand why you are doing it. But, there is no quick cure for the rage which a victim of pathological abuse suffers.

How was your nite out? Kudos to you for getting out and proving to yourself that you can do this..there is so much great advice here, I had to go back and reread all the reponses not just for you but for ME as well!! I go through a potluck of emotions everyday..but mainly now, I've started a new job and decided to focus all the tough emotions on getting clarity and getting on my A game..it's about ME now..no more will I allow anyone to do this to me again!!! Getting mad is ok...just put that anger into something for YOU!! And as I do 500 jumps/day...or go out and run...bang out some keys...lift weights..push out another 20 push ups...I get mad!!! but guess who benefits? ME..I'm getting in the best shape of my life over this...something to think about..stay on board..we can all get through this...don't throw in the towel, that only benefits the N..good luck on your interview...get mad...smile, be positive...and rock it!

Good evening SW, my heart goes out to you during this tumultuous time. I awoke angry today as well. It is a huge part of recovering. It means we are humans who experience true/real emotions, anything you say to him won't amount to a hill of beans in his twisted mind. There will be no "awakening" for the N, they simply do not have the ability to experience emotions as we do, it is so very hard to swallow/believe but it is truth. Never mind him and what he "maybe" thinking or saying, we have zero control over it, what we can control is our own actions. I have read the responses and the ladies are fighting for your very soul, I'm telling you, you have some warriors here! I am an Army Veteran and would have loved to have these ladies behind me in a war zone, they are fierce fighters. Everything they are saying is on point. You are a fighter too, I can feel it from you, you are also a survivor, add that to your resume, it is something to be proud of. I can’t imagine having ended up with a tragic ending dealing with a no good N. I watch “Snapped” and often wonder how many of the men were Ns and how the woman deal with losing children, freedom, taking of a life, and I feel lucky knowing that I was able to walk away, a mess, yes…lol, but still, I have my dignity and everything I went into the narc-mare with I still have. These characters can ruin you in ways we can’t even imagine. Think of this as a war, you are fighting for your soul, you have got to WIN. I don't know about anyone else, but I'd love to see you "go out with dignity" I know you feel as though he is thinking you are this that or the other...who cares what the heck this empty alien sees, think or feel? We already know they are incapable of feeling anything (except anger/fear) he's an addict (drug & supply) so I'm willing to bet his thinking doesn't even go that deep if it does, it's likely about how he will get his next "high"/”supply” as far as the ow, she will be another victim, this is NOT a happy union. Think about it, how on earth can a person be enthralled by someone after coming out of a so-called “relationship” with someone they claimed to have been in love with? That should be the biggest RF for the ow, she should lace her shoes up extra tight and run for the hills. I would not wish a narc-mare on anyone, I feel pity for her. Someone may not be as strong as we are and “snap”. We are out of that danger zone, we are survivors. Stay out here with us, lol. These situations can escalate at the drop of a dime over something simple and petty as a text/email. They could care less about us, he's shown that, anything else is just for supply purposes, so long as you give him any ounce of supply he knows he can play on it eventually. Starve him from this point forward. Yes, you will need to detox from him and detach. The anger will remain but it will lose steam eventually and will likely never completely go away. You will need to find a way to channel your anger while maintaining your dignity. Congrats on your job interview, home ownership is a very rewarding and proud moment, I love every minute of it, continue toward your goals. Have a blast tonight, if you have found that you may have had a bit too much to drink, get someone to drive you home safely, have a great evening, best wishes.