Having NO empathy is the true hallmark of a Narc

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Oct 5 - 5PM
Susan32
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Sorry for your loss

Suicide is devastating. May God provide you with consolation and care in this difficult time. Suicide is painful, especially at such a young age. Take care of yourself, and may God bless you and your ex-husband's late daughter. What's terrible is I understand firsthand what you've been through, and it's shocking to the core. My grandfather died my freshman year of college, early on. He had battled cancer for several years. The ex-Psychopathic professor, instead of comforting me, accused me of using my grandfather's death to get pity, and sent me the therapist to "manage my feelings." He'd even say during class "Miss A--- is seeing a therapist to learn how to manager her feelings." He'd openly ridicule me, call me crazy, say that I was "preoccupied with trivialities", tell me to toughen up, and say things like "if you're so unhappy, why don't you kill yourself?" His words were cruel... and I apologize for his triggering words. He'd praise suicide, to make matters worse. He'd tell me that nobody cared about my loss. When I made him apologize for how he treated me, he claimed I had "forced" him to apologize. He really couldn't see how emotionally abusing someone who was grieving was wrong. During the final D&D, a pastor friend of mine died from a long bout with cancer. The ex-P gave emotionless words of consolation--but didn't let up on the insults and humiliation. He revealed his long-distance girlfriend not long after. When I told him about my loss and I'd be in tears, he'd coldly say "I'm controlling my feelings." Katmass, it's good you broke with him.
Oct 5 - 6PM (Reply to #11)
katmass
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Professor Asslicker

Hi. I think I've read some other posts by you talking about a man whom I perceived to be a complete, megalomaniac asswipe. I thought to myself, you know... there are a lot of pseudo-intellectual dilettantes hiding out in academia who are able to intimidate people (i.e., their students, colleagues) and fool the public into believing in their prescient and omnipotent intellectual powers. Without meaning to sound boastful, I went to Harvard and am not easily fooled, except by narcissistic intellectuals. I hope you rid yourself of this debasing idiot and instead found some good books to read. Thanks for your thoughts.
Oct 6 - 10AM (Reply to #13)
Meadowbrook
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Pseudo-intellectual dilettantes

Oh my goodness, I LOVE that description! Ha! I too thought I was good at "reading" people. You are right. When it comes to narcissists even experts can be fooled. But the old saying is true, "actions speak louder than words." I hope today is bringing you more peace and that the compassion you see from the messages on this forum is encouraging.
Oct 6 - 5PM (Reply to #15)
Susan32
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No pity for the Narc

I don't blame the posters here who say they still feel sorry for their Ns/Ps, for their inability to experience real happiness and love. Feeling pity for Narcs is fine. It's human. I was at that point. Unfortunately, it was the pity that turned me into prey. When a friend of mine said after the D&D "he'll never be happy",I thought "um, isn't that why I tried to SAVE him?" Look what good that did. We can't steal anything from Ns/Ps. They're empty. They're like vacant buildings in Detroit. But we do demolish abandoned buildings, because they're a blight. No wonder the ex-P doesn't get supply from me, and doesn't contact me. Empty building, meet the bulldozer...
Oct 6 - 2PM (Reply to #14)
katmass
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Such heartfelt compassion from everyone!

Has been so wonderful and gratifying. I will not, God willing, be fooled again. But these narc men are beguiling, aren't they? Seeing him for who he really is brings closure to this. I will never ever contact him again. He did me a favor by not responding. And now it's time to move on. But I thank everyone whose kindness and compassion has helped me resolve this and hope those who are still struggling will benefit from what happened and be able to find their own strength and inner resolve to move on as well. God bless. And thanks!!! Kathy
Oct 5 - 6PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
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Good books

That was the odd thing... the reason why Professor Pathological did NOT drive me to academic failure, or quitting. The school had a good curriculum (once this site goes private, I'll say more) I immersed myself in my books, the rest of my professors were great. At the end of senior year, the professors get together to decide if students can graduate. Professor P could've sabotaged me then. Well, I got my degree. I even look at my transcript after graduation was shocked to see I got good grades in everything...except math, which isn't my strong suit. Even Professor P gave me a GOOD grade! He didn't sabotage me, but I suspect his colleagues kept him in check. As for ridding myself of megalo-idiot, I left New Mexico a decade ago after the D&D. I still thank God that I didn't date him, didn't get physical with him, and, unlike the OW, I didn't marry and have his babies(!!!) The more I read here, the gladder I am he hasn't sent me any missives over the email or snail mail. He hasn't contacted me in a decade. Thank goodness. And I have my writing.
Oct 5 - 2PM
jen79
jen79's picture

katmass suicide

Just remembered, the N once send me a text: Stepsister commited suicide last week....working on 3 episodes of 24. I of course answeres, OMG, do you want to talk, how are your parents? Some hours later I got, I am driving 11 hours need pic to awake... I thought wow, is this possible, how can he bring up a suicide, his tv thing and a pic request all together...??? SOB.
Oct 5 - 3PM (Reply to #9)
katmass
katmass's picture

Pity them

Yep... you're standing there with your jaw open, incredulous that someone could be so insensitive, so unfeeling, so remorseless; someone who could mention a loved one's suicide and some other trivial b.s. in the same breath! But that's what they are and we cannot help them. So instead I pity him and the awful world called "himself" that he must live in every waking minute.
Oct 5 - 2PM
Briseis
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OMG, I'm so sorry for your

OMG, I'm so sorry for your loss!! There is nothing worse :( That a person is so empty is almost impossible to imagine. Most of our trouble is accepting this fact about the Narc, and then trying not to believe they felt nothing for us because we are not worth it. Beneath the human surface, they aren't like a normal person. They speak English, go to the bathroom, eat, have sex and work (well, some of them) and that fools us. At least you got some information that seems to have really put your heart to "rest", regarding him anyway. It never was you, and you're fortunate to be free of him.
Oct 5 - 3PM (Reply to #7)
katmass
katmass's picture

Thanks for your empathy!

For all the negative stuff I have carried in my heart about my ex-husband this past year, at least I am able to feel his pain and share his grief so I know I am human. Narcs are not. My narc ex-boyfriend's lack of any kind of empathetic reply to my email is all the reveal I need. Now I know for sure.
Oct 5 - 1PM
blueeyes
blueeyes's picture

Empathy

I have empathy, so let me tell you this sincerly "I am sorry for your loss." I am happy for your NC with the Narc. Thanks for the post, it helped me today! :)
Oct 5 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
katmass
katmass's picture

Thank you.

As bad as my marriage to my ex-husband ended, who wouldn't feel sad for him, for his loss, for the pain and guilt he suffers now? My ex-narc boyfriend is inhuman. I pity him. But I thank you, my friend, for your empathetic words of support.
Oct 5 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Susan32
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May you find healing!

May God bless you in this time.
Oct 5 - 6PM (Reply to #4)
katmass
katmass's picture

Thank you.

You are kind.
Oct 5 - 8PM (Reply to #5)
Janet
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My prayers and with you and

My prayers and with you and your stepdaughter. Peace. J

Peace. J