do narcs tell us what we want to hear out of guilt for what they have done?

we are all mean drama queens lol when i sent that chat to all my friends and sisters, we have so much fun .. my sister says 'stop having such large feelings and deep emotions and make some memories with me' lol drama with a capital 'd' lol

you did the smart thing---you didn't get sucked into the game.And I think that's the best revenge you could've gotten--not playing the game.And not providing the reaction/response that was expected. I think w/some of these N's, they're so pompous that they always believe that if they push Button A, they will always get Response B. (they forget that we are sentient beings & we can usually think for ourselves). So, it throws their entire concept of the universe into a blender when we don't react in a predictable fashion.I learned this from dealing with a female narc who was trying to triangulate between me and my SO. At first I was blindsided by the attack, but my gut instinct told me she was just trying to push my buttons----so I didn't react. I just let her talk, and watched with growing amusement as she kept trying to escalate--she was trying so hard to undermine my opinion of my SO, and I just wasn't buying it.

triangulation in her life. She just doesn't realize it.Yet. He's playing her the same way he played you. I think I said this in a different thread--he cast you in the role of persecutor (placed the devil's horns on your head) and he cast her in the role of rescuer (he put the halo on her). Now he's trying to reverse the roles, while he happily sucks up the attention from both of you, and plays the poor, downtrodden, long-suffering victim. (Yeah, right) One thing I noticed in your post---I still think you're spending too much of your mental energy consumed by what she is or isn't thinking/experiencing.She's taking way too much space in your head, and she's not even paying rent. Time to evict her!! I know, easier said than done---I've been in a somewhat similar situation w/ a nasty NPD/HPD passive-aggressive OW who tried to get in my face, too. So, I know how easy it is to let that dominate your thoughts........it can really get under your skin. In my story the OW went so far as to launch a smear campaign against me , that could've negatively affected my career. It's a really crappy feeling when you're out socially, and people who've never met you are giving you the stinkeye, because someone (ahem) was trash-talking you in your absence. ....So I really do understand how much stress that can cause. And how easy it is to obsess over someone interfering in your life, especially when you've done them no wrong. But where does it get you? All the obsessing, stressing, and worrying and wondering? Reminds of a saying I once heard: "Worrying is a lot like sitting in a rocking chair.It gives you something to do, but it doesn't get you anywhere." And, as a sidebar: Based on the OW's actions, I think we can safely presume that she has a PD , she certainly demonstrated some narc behaviors when she was getting in your face.It takes a really, messed up personality, and a huge lack of empathy to behave like that. PD or not, she's an asshole. ......So what does that say about your N? The fact that he would be attracted to someone like that at all, speaks volumes about who he REALLY is.And it sounds like they deserve each other.Let her become the one who has to pace the floors, wondering when he's coming home. (or vice versa, she might do the same to him)(Poetic justice?) Jaycee, try to remember that it's all beneath you---try to keep that vantage point.You'll get there...probably with stumbles and setbacks, but you'll get there.(and the setbacks can actually help strengthen your resolve in the long run..)(they can serve as reminders.)

Oh heck "the truth hurts " is just what my narc would say just after he had told me something so unkind i was still on the floor . Youre pain is their pain killer ... it takes a long while to get youre head round it .....I remember a time at the last d&d just before i left his sorry arse that he was saying the usual "i dont love you Scoop , you dont make me happy blah blah " and then 2 nights later when i had turned my back on him in bed (which he did to me countless times ) and i refused to engage with him he started cying saying "scoop , scoop i think im loosing you pleasssseeeee Scoop pleasssse! "... now did me love me ? at that moment he was fearful of loosing me but he had been "really honest " a couple of nights before .. you know what i recon it was all lies , he said what came into his mind in the here and now ... all of it bollocks .

It's OK to be angry jaycee, it is part of the process. I know how much it hurts, and the injustice feels like we want to implode. Run with it, your anger will help make you stronger until the fog begins to clear. What I mean by that is when you begin to find your own direction and no longer focus on the hell of his own making. Keep on girl, you are doing good.

His agenda is to keep you around to fill his void. Narcs need a steady stream of validation from the outside world to feel alive. This can be in the form of having the ego stroked, having their daily needs met financially, emotionally or spiritually, having their sexual needs met etc... They have needs that can not be achieved by them alone. It requires supply, we are their supply. When they do not have this they are in a state of inner turmoil. It is their hell on earth. So they will avoid this at all costs and will take all measures to assure this does not happen to them. Any and All attention fills this void. Even negative attention. I know it sounds strange to us to consider that getting our butt handed to us is a good thing. But they see it as someone caring about them enough to give them their time and focus, which in turn fills the void. Think about the two year old and what happens when he does not get his needs met. Same principal. There is no difference with the Narc with the exception that he has mastered ways to complete his mission under the radar. He knows that if he literally throws himself on the floor in a tantrum (even thought i have heard cases like this) it is not going to give him the desired outcome he is seeking. Anyone would look at him like a crazy fool that needs to be committed. So he silently kicks and screams to get his way through his tactics. So you are a void filler. He does not look at you as serving any other purpose in life but than to fill his needs, what ever they may be at that specific time. Maybe he likes your house better b/c he dosnt have to be a responsible adult, maybe you cater to him, take care of him and its just plain easier to live with you than others that make him own up. If he possessed empathy he could see that he is sucking the life out of you. He would care how this has and does affect you. We all know he lacks this and that is why he is called a "Narcissist". So it is up to us to decide whether to feed the baby or not. We can continue to enable him and destroy ourselves in the process if we choose, but it is a choice. Bares repeating; IT IS A CHOICE. Understand that you can not modify or change this part of him. It is hard wired and permanent. So if your going to sacrifice yourself for someone like this, go into it fully knowing that in the end you will loose the battle. With him and most certainly with yourself. Read on the tactics of a narcissist. Gaslighting, ambient abuse ect... only one way to go...Forward (tm?)