Chickon2's story

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#1 Sep 22 - 5PM
chickon2
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Chickon2's story

I guess I will start like everyone else. I can't believe I am here. (I would like to say, that I am the worst at grammer & spelling.)

I am a single mom, that was single for 5 years after my divorce. This past summer that all changed.

I met HIM at a reunion party that I did not want to go to. It was girl's night out, & the chicks told me it would be fun.

Girl's night out is a ritual. It happens every other w/end when the kids are with their dad.

I was introduced to HIM by one of the girl's that has known him since they were kids.

My 1st impression was that he was gay. He danced in a flamboyant way in my opinion.

He stayed by my side the entire night. Buying my friends drinks, while he bought me water. HE said that really impressed him.

We danced together, and we talked. I am usually guarded, & nothing was different this night.

At the end of the night, he gave me his card,(the card had a big S on it for a certain super hero:-) ) and asked that I please call him or email him. I said sure..

I went to put on my heels and he bent over took my shoes in his hand & put them on for me.. Opening the door, and saying get home safe.

The next night I was switching purses & I saw his card, and decided to email him to say thank you for being such a gentleman & for being so sweet to my friends.

He replied , saying he was in church, and he was thinking about me, hoping I would email him, and low & behold here is the email...

Fast Forward 1 week it was our 1st date. He sent me a text when he got to my house, to pick me up, saying your chariot awaits.

I get into his brand new truck , and he smelled beyond delicious, looked delicious, and had wonderful music playing. I was smitten. I was playing, calm, cool & collected but the truth is after 5 years of being single & celibate, I was drawn to him, like a new pair of shoes.

Our 2nd date was amazing, he went out of his way for this date, even in the way he presented it to me. In a plaque like an award. By our 3rd date, I love you was said, and where have you been all my life..

We were together all the time.. We did everything together. Sex was amazing... We did more in 3 months than I ever did, when I was married for 10 years. I was completely spoiled.. Jewelry, a cruise, poems, dinners, romance, dancing, every single thing a girl could ask for after being so broken hearted 5 years prior with a divorce.

All my friends said, this is a Gift from God, b/c of how much you & the kids suffered..

HE was competely immersed in my life.. Red flags, sure.. I thought I had my wits about me.. I mean I did so much work on myself after the divorce.. I made sure I didn't rebound, I made sure I focused on my kids, my home, my work.I went to therapy. I was determined to be the best single mom ever..

He, had this way about him , that I just adored..He met my entire family, he got along great with my children.. He was out of a romance novel.

THe way he would talk about me to my parents.. The way he charmed everyone..

The money he spent on me was unreal.. I did do my share of spoiling him too, but nothing like he did..

One day he was going to a family shindig ,without me, and somthing hit me like a ton of bricks.. WAIT.. Why is he going to this with out me, and he is a part of every aspect of me.

I met his mom once, and she was not at all thrilled about him dating me b/c I have children.. Mama's boy, Oh you bet.. Actually a mother enmeshed man, text book..

(He had told me he was ready to settle down and get married, I was who he was looking for.. I had all the qualities he would want in a wife.. We got along so well, we laughed, OH and did we cry.. LORD HE would cry at the drop of a hat, when he would talk about how he felt about me.. I would have to wipe HIS tears off of MY face, b/c he would be kissing me /making love to me and crying..

I started remembering little things he said to me.. "Oh people love me," "I have a way with talking to people that I can put them in my briefcase.." so on..

I sent him an email.. Stating.. ARE you in love with me, or the idea of me? Are you loving me for me, or for you? ARE you coming in here being a rescuer b/c I have told you before I don't need to be rescued.. etc...etc...etc.. It was basically calling him out on stuff..

He called me to tell me that the email hurt him very badly, that it touched his soul and he felt so much confusion ( he is very dramatic in his speech) and that he had to take a drive.. I felt bad & told him to come over..

WE talked and things were ok when he was here.. BUT that was pretty much the last of the adoration.

He pulled away from me alot, no more I love you's,. no more gifts.. HE broke up with me 11 days after that email and blamed it on his mom, having a seizure fit, b/c he was with me.. Out entire relationship lasted a week shy of 3 months.

It has been over a month since he dumped me. & I have found out so many things..
1st of all I read about Mother enmeshed men, and it described him to a T.. Then I read that mother enmeshed men, are usually narcs.. THen I started reading about that and BAM.

That described him to a T right down to the super hero complex. He is pretty obsessed with this super hero, Like he really thinks he is this certain super hero.

I know he is with someone else now, and he emailed her the SAME EXACT emails he has sent me, right down to the "I was at church thinking about you, and hoping to have an email from you and low and behold here you are"

I am feeling everything you are all feeling.. I have read emails over and over again, and I keep saying to myself WAIT how can all of this be a lie???

I found out info that he is like a predator when it comes to being in a relationship.. He is non stop trying to get girls to get to go out with him.. I have no proof he cheated, but I do know he was being Super flirt..

He told all of his friends he wanted to marry me, they all met, and i still see some of them weekly at a class I take, that we used to take together..

He has since not come back to the class. Telling everyone he has various pains & sickness.. He has talked about me behind my back saying he wishes he didn't have to see me at class every week. (niiiice, he begged me to take this class) the peopel in the class told me to stay.. They are not seeing him in the best light right now..

I should see myself as lucky.. I was 3 months with someone that treated me like a queen, I went to an amazing vacation, I have jewelry, clothes, shoes, perfume, and wonderful memories, b/c we never even had a fight..

I just feel like I would give all back , just so that the I love you, adore you's would of been true.

When I read they have no empathy I cried so much.. He made pretend to be so loving to my kids, and to think he could care less about hurting them.. Is just gross..

To think that he discarded me like a tissue, is an awful punch to the chest.

I don't talk about it anymore to friends, I think I was getting a bit obsessive about it.

I want him to contact me soo badly, just to turn him down, I think.. Oh he broke up with me in an email but the day before that email cried to my face, telling me he was going to fight for us, to his mom..

So many of you have it so much worse, I would read, and say a lil prayer..It is heart breaking..

I wonder if I myself am some sort of narc, b/c I hear you are what you attract.. I attracted this person..

I also feel like who the heck am I to diagnose this person. I mean he probably just fell out of love with me, can't that be possible without a clinical psychiatric diagnosis?

I really rather have him have the diagnosis. :-)

So many of the traits of narc, I can see now... So many of the red flags, that I ignored.. He was controlling my time, he was crazy jealous.. He didn't like my friends, he hated if I spoke to any guy.. But who knows if any of those things were true about him being so nutty jealus. I dunno anymore.

I am so upset that my radar was off.. But I guess when my radar felt tuned again, I called him out and he jetted..

I don't even know if I have a question.. I just needed to write this..

My friends that adored him, want nothing to do with him.. My poor parents were even so hurt..

I feel sorry for the rest of the victims.. AND I hate that I wanted to be "differnt" to him.. The one, that would change him.. Silly Me.. S is also for silly....

thanks for reading....

chickon2

Oct 21 - 1PM
jen79
jen79's picture

chickon2

I read your story, and its unbelievable what happened to you, It is very similar to my story. Yours is even worse, cause the act he putted on you was thousand times more romantic in action, mine just talked about it. But we both experienced the shock of seeing the emails of him, and how he talks the same way with others as he did with us. The same lines, the same topics, even the same nick names...this is scary and so shocking, thanks for sharing your story, it is good to know, I am not alone in this,
Oct 21 - 2PM (Reply to #21)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Jen79

Maybe yours did more talking and less spending b/c he didn't live with his mama... like mine did...he spent over 6 thousand bucks in 3 months on me.. I would give it all back if he just told the truth and didn't use my kids for supply... ICK............. Didn't the emails have your hairs standing up on your arms????.. gross.. Now he has accused of me voodoo... niiiiiiiiiiiiiice. Oh Jen... Let's keep reading everything about this... So we will never be in this boat again... WE have a lot of love to give to someone that is deserving us.. Thank you for your post.....
Oct 21 - 2PM (Reply to #22)
jen79
jen79's picture

chickon2

Yes these emails were the shock of my life. I was in such a deep shock, I think it took me months to even breath normal again. All the intense deep emotions, all the levels of deep connection I thought we have, it was all just a fun act for him. Till then I thought, he might be just be scared of being really commited, I would not have thought one second one is capable of using all this to manipulate me. But after readiing the mails, I knew it was all a deliberate act to play with me, I thought I must die, when I read this. I thought about warning the other women, they even reacted the same way as I did, resonding the same way as I did, the same lines they wrote as I did. Then I thought, wow, he must be so practiced in that, all the things I told him, he heard it thousand times before, this left a deep scar in my heart. I hope one day I can laugh about it.
Oct 12 - 7PM
Briseis
Briseis's picture

Chickon, I loved reading

Chickon, I loved reading your "my story". Well, loved ain't quite the word. You and I share some of the same pre-Narc experiences . . . years apart from our last relationship, children, being independent then suddenly BAM, in a major love relationship where we were asking each other "where have you been all my life?" The part I love is that you didn't have to go through years of pain. That doesn't disqualify you for being a sister. That qualifies you to be admired. I like hearing about sisters who get themselves away before they suffer the worst their Narc can dish out. "You are what you attract" well, yes and no. There's a lot of truth in that, but it's hard to get to without a lot of soul searching. At least in my experience. I am not and never was a Narc, but I ended up surrounded by them. So what about me was "like" a Narc? Not much . . . it was more like I was a perfect "compliment" to a Narc. I was self-effacing, accepted people at their word, wasn't quick to judge a red flag, was very tolerant and patient and giving the benefit of the doubt. I see it like this: Narcs are shit throwers. They throw shit and see who it sticks to. Then, they proceed with that poor shit stuck victim. Flattery is one way they throw shit. So are gifts and money and favors and compliments. A person who's self esteem is a little shaky is vulnerable to such things. I know I was. I had two kids, was working full time, owned a home and was EXHAUSTED. What little was left over for me was, well not much. So here comes this guy that turns me ON, and I turn him on, too. He can't get enough of me. Wow!! I still got it. And to not be alone . . . sorry, that's a basic human need. Suddenly, there is someone else THERE, all the time. Being good to you. You strike me as not all that shakey. You saw red flags that were pretty subtle, really. ANd you spoke up about them. That is impressive. Now, as you go forward, when some guy comes at you in a similar fashion . . . flattery, gifts, quick admission of "love" and immersion in your life . . . you won't miss THAT as a red flag. We're inculturated to hope for these things, and in truth, they are red flags, every one of them :( You have a lot to give the other members here. And no matter how short the relationship was, you have the same pain and healing work to do :)
Oct 12 - 9PM (Reply to #19)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Briseis

This post meant more to me than you know.. Thank you.. Sister...
Oct 7 - 2AM
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

What you're experiencing now

What you're experiencing now with missing his good side is totally normal. You're right on track ;-)
Oct 7 - 12PM (Reply to #17)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Thanks girlie.. Good to

Thanks girlie.. Good to know.. I guess also I am remembering so many more things.. The lines... I was told. ( The moment I met you, it was like a magnet.. I am in awe of you.. I knew when I saw you, that you were like kryptonite (he thinks he is superman) etc.... etc... I want to marry you, and have babies with you.... blah blah.. you know most of that by the 3rd date..) I read here, and see so many have been told the same lines from the same book of BS. Sad... I know I am very lucky he is gone.. I guess in time it will all get out of my system.. I just hope, if there is someone else to come into my life.. I don't crucify him b/c of the EX Have to rebuild trust in my senses...
Sep 23 - 12AM
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

hi chickon2

A few thoughts: First, I'm sorry for the mindf**k you endured. I'm not sure if yours was an oblivious N or a psychopath. There really are psychopaths out there who mess with peoples' heads for SPORT. Like in the movie "In the Company of Men" or "Dangerous Liasons." It's sad that your reintroduction into dating was with this histrionic freak. You made me think of an experience I had. I once met a man when I was VERY emotionally vulnerable (and he knew it), who first gave me the impression he was definitely gay. He charmed me, took me out, flattered me, kissed me, got me to tell him private things,dug into my psyche, and once I was in a very vulnerable position, suddenly, out of the blue, said, "I was into this and now I'm not. Good-bye." Got up and left. I learned later from others that he is "evil." And that he actually IS gay and had sex with a male coworker. It's hard to fathom unless you've witnessed it, but there really are mindfu*king sadists out there who enjoy manipulating peoples' emotions. But I digress... I wanted to add that you aren't a narc because you attracted one. You are probably the OPPOSITE. You know how two positive magnets won't come together but the pos and neg will smash into each other? That's what I mean. Your head is probably spinning trying to make sense of everything. In the end, you will come out of it much wiser and stronger than ever. :-)
Sep 23 - 8AM (Reply to #11)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Lawdamercy

A psycopath? Sigh.. sure why not... I remember one day he rang the door bell, I was upstairs, and my son answered the door.. He was with my kids for about a minute before I came down. He looked at me and said, You left your kids alone with someone you have known only for 2 months.. I also remember on our very first phone conversation he was asking me like weird questions.. ugh... I left them with him for a minute tops.. He was right.. Next person I date (though entering a convent, sounds more appealing) will not meet my kids, like, ever.... THank you for sharing your story with me, it means so much.. An evil gay screwball. GOSH... You can't make this shitte up, it's soo loco.. Sorry you endured that.. I don't know what he is.. Mother enmeshed Man, seems to fit the most, or maybe it is the less EVIL diagnosis that i want him to have.. I dunno.. I pray.. I asked God over and over, if he is not someone that should be in my life, please remove him quickly.. And I feel God did do that, and I am very lucky, that I had the "nice" side of the wacko.. Even though, I read back to emails, and I can see now, how he was trying to manipulate me in so many ways.. AND I thought I was not even vulnerable 5 years after the D.. I am also lucky that he does not contact me, It is like he has vanished into thin air.. Wiser and stronger.. yup.. thanks...
Sep 24 - 1AM (Reply to #12)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Chickon

Hi Chickon, Okay, his comment about your kids was totally creepy. And when you said that he has sent other women the same EXACT emails he sent you...well, that is a predator for sure. Someone who sees women as just an object. I am also curious about some of the weird questions he asked you. I am not on this message board because of the evil, gay man. He doesn't deserve my breath and he didn't devastate me, but he did show me that pure evil exists and disguises itself. That was a scary moment. I didn't write my story about why I am here, but I can tell you that it's someone I fell hard for but I can look back at so much creepy shit that I kept letting slip by because he did "image management" which would be to become someone so charming and funny and irresistible that I would ignore the utterly creepy shit. Creepy shit like when I sent him a picture of my room, he said, "This is good for profiling you." Creepy shit like when he said, "The question isn't if you can trust me. It's if you can trust yourself." Creepy shit like telling me he liked hearing me trembling and scared (after doing something so creepy that it's hard to admit I ever spoke to him, let alone fell in love with him, after it.) Anyway, in the stage of trying to make sense of it, there's a strong strong desire to put a name to it. I think yours was more than just Mother Enmeshed. Yours, more-likely, has a personality disorder. Being mother enmeshed is only a piece of the puzzle. Have you done a search on psychopathy? You *may* find more pieces to the puzzle. I think the sooner we can name it, the sooner we can accept it and heal from it. I know, I know. It doesn't matter what he was. He was a shit and he's gone. Yay for that. Take care.
Sep 24 - 11AM (Reply to #13)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Characteristics of a

Characteristics of a Psychopath superficial charm self-centered & self-important need for stimulation & prone to boredom deceptive behavior & lying conning & manipulative little remorse or guilt shallow emotional response callous with a lack of empathy living off others or predatory attitude poor self-control promiscuous sexual behavior early behavioral problems lack of realistic long term goals impulsive lifestyle irresponsible behavior blaming others for their actions short term relationships juvenile delinquency breaking parole or probation varied criminal activity Histrionic personality disorder Exhibitionist behavior. Constant seeking of reassurance or approval. Excessive dramatics with exaggerated displays of emotions. Excessive sensitivity to criticism or disapproval. Inappropriately seductive appearance or behavior. Excessive concern with physical appearance. Somatic symptoms, and using these symptoms as a means of garnering attention. A need to be the center of attention. Low tolerance for frustration or delayed gratification. Rapidly shifting emotional states that may appear superficial or exaggerated to others. Tendency to believe that relationships are more intimate than they actually are. Making rash decisions.[2] Someone with Narcissistic Personality disorder (NPD) has at least 5 of these symptoms: •has a grandiose sense of self-importance (e.g., exaggerates achievements and talents, expects to be recognized as superior without commensurate achievements) •is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love •believes that he or she is "special" and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people (or institutions) •requires excessive admiration •has a sense of entitlement, i.e., unreasonable expectations of especially favorable treatment or automatic compliance with his or her expectations •is interpersonally exploitative, i.e., takes advantage of others to achieve his or her own ends •lacks empathy: is unwilling to recognize or identify with the feelings and needs of others •is often envious of others or believes that others are envious of him or her •shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes Consequences of Emotional Incest parental alienation toxic partnership habits psychosomatic disease consequences of sexual abuse mental and emotional disorders consequences of romantic affairs addictions, obsessions & compulsions stress disorders passive aggression learning disabilities sexual dysfunction attachment disorders consequences of abortions business or financial failures HE HAS SOME OF ALL OF THESE..... I have no idea.. THank you so much for responding.. really.. It helps so much The questions he asked me on our 1st phone convo were things like.. If you were driving on a trail, and you pulled over before seeing a house were you on gravel or grass? If you came up to an empty house would you try to open the door, look for a key.. If you came up to a well and it was dry, etc... etc.. So I answered them b/c he did it in a funny charming sort of way.. and after I answered them he told me what my answers meant.. and then I agreed or disagreed. Now I think everything is weird... Looking back.. But when we were together.. I thought he was just soo great.. I thought our connection was the best.. He was such a gentleman and so gentle and protective.. BUT now when I look at the old emails.. I am like, oh niiiice trying to be manipulative. He would tell me he wanted to be under my skin.. On our vacation if I was sitting next to him he would pull my chair even closer... He would hug me so hard, I could feel my back crack at times.. AND he would stare at me ,like in a daze.. My friends would say he looked like a lost puppy, looking at me.. He would tell me he NEEDED me inhis life.. I would always say, I don't need you in mine.. I do love that you are part of it, but you will not be the be all to end all of it.. When I went to my sister's pre wedding party, he told me his heart felt torn. then the next day he sent me an email saying that, when he is with me no one else exists.. The world could fall apart, and that it would not matter.. HE wanted me to be the same.. BUT he "understood" that he may have things to get used to with me, and he was willing to try to understand.. OH sorry i went on and on... "I didn't write my story about why I am here, but I can tell you that it's someone I fell hard for but I can look back at so much creepy shit that I kept letting slip by because he did "image management" which would be to become someone so charming and funny and irresistible that I would ignore the utterly creepy shit. Creepy shit like when I sent him a picture of my room, he said, "This is good for profiling you." Creepy shit like when he said, "The question isn't if you can trust me. It's if you can trust yourself." Creepy shit like telling me he liked hearing me trembling and scared (after doing something so creepy that it's hard to admit I ever spoke to him, let alone fell in love with him, after it.) Anyway, in the stage of trying to make sense of it, there's a strong strong desire to put a name to it." The hairs on my arms stood up reading this... It makes me wanna stay home.. It is very hard from me to grasp the concept of people doing evil things for no reason.. Or whatever.. very hard. I have a class every friday night and I am scared he will start showing up to this class again.. He has been MIA from it since we broke up.. I hope he never tries to contact me again.. Thank you for all your help.. I don't post to anyone else, b/c i am just in awe reading everything.. thank you
Sep 24 - 7PM (Reply to #14)
girlfriday
girlfriday's picture

Somebody's done her

Somebody's done her homework! haha. The questions your ex asked you reminded me of a couple things I learned on my journey out of mindfuckville. There is a movement where people try to do mind-control on others. One of the techniques I read about is to ask questions...one question was specifically about a door. If I find the link I'll post it for you but I'm in a hurry now. I think it's supposed to glue you closer to the guy because it makes you think of being alone and him going out the door, or some weird crap like that. Maybe it's supposed to tap into abandonment issues. I think your guy was doing mind-control crap on you. Mine did so so much. They plant seeds of thought into your head. The new movie Inception talks about that too. That once a seed of thought is planted, it's there forever. Reading what I wrote makes my hairs stand up too and makes me see how boundary-less I used to be. Not anymore. I hope your guy stays MIA forever.
Oct 6 - 9AM (Reply to #15)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Why now?

I had to come back here and "snap" out of it.. I have been dreaming about the Ex for a week now.. The nice stuff.. The sweet stuff.. I don't know why.. It's almost 2 months we are broken up and no contact. We were only togehter for 3. I find myself missing the fake sweet him.. Then I come back to read and realize.. OK it was all fake.. I need to snap out of it.. Maybe it's b/c I hear what he is up to.. Which is the same old Chasing woman, after woman.. AND becoming a brat if they don't "see how much of god he really is" (sarcasm) UGH I hate it.. Just venting....
Sep 22 - 8PM
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Welcome Chickon

You've found the right place. And you sound like you're smart and have figured out a lot all on your own. Good for you. Thanks for the tip on "mother enmeshed" men. I'm going to google that right now. =)
Sep 22 - 8PM (Reply to #7)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

Thanks for the welcome..

Let me know what you think about the mother enmeshed men findings....
Sep 22 - 9PM (Reply to #8)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

So I Guess My Intuition Was Right

when I was creeped out the night he seriously said, "I think my Mom is hot." What 36-year-old guys says that shit? YUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Uh, yeah, you could say that the quick stuff I read about mother enmeshed men matches him to a tee. At least I know now I never stood a chance!
Sep 23 - 8AM (Reply to #9)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

YUCK is right..

His mom is hott.. ICK.. God help these people..
Sep 22 - 6PM
ShaynasMommy
ShaynasMommy's picture

are you sure the big S on

are you sure the big S on the card deosn't stand for "shmuck?"
Sep 22 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

The big S

Yeah, b/c The Big S sure isn't for sorry. You made me laugh, thank you.. I needed that...
Sep 22 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

When do you shake it off?

He invited the new girl to MY concert.. He bought those concert tickets for our anniversary.. He dedicated 2 concert songs to me, while crying.. Had to pull over b/c he was crying so much..While he sang to me those songs. So if he took the new girl to the concert, did he cry to her, with my songs? I want to punch him.. & then I feel like he is emotionally stunted....Like this is the best he can do..Or he NEEDS to be a predator.. I am making more excuses??? I miss him so much... blech.. well I miss the person he acted like, I guess....
Oct 11 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

I saw him after 2 months

I walked out the door and saw his car.. THen when he saw, He sped off.. Soo I told my cousin , we will call her Charlie's Angel. & she snooped on his stuff AND he is in desperate for a girlfriend mode.. Saying to his cousin, that he hates the single life..and he needs a girlfriend,, and he would prefer her to be latin.. BUT he has been single for like a minute.. We went on a cruise,,,, um not that long ago.... I don't even WANT to see him, I am scared of him all of a sudden. I feel like I have to act as if nothing if he ever tried to talk to him.... blech..venting...
Oct 21 - 1PM (Reply to #5)
chickon2
chickon2's picture

All my

STD testing came back negative.. PHEW! Yes I was dumb enough to believe I was the only persone he had unprotected sex with.. OMG OMG.. I could just kick myself.. But alas... Negative. Thank you God....