Ignoring me?? Why? He needs attention right?

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#1 August 30, 2010 - 10:05am

Ignoring me?? Why? He needs attention right?

My H who I am recently learning he is an N, is home with our 2 month old son today and I am at work. He has been quiet and distant since we started counseling 2 weeks ago. In counseling I say the truth and I also say "I will not be manipulated anymore." So I am no longer NC or giving him NS. So he ignores my texts when I ask how the baby is doing? I thought these men loved attention? Why NO ANSWER?

August 30, 2010 - 2:08pm

Mums the word!

I concur with 'sick of it' - don't respond w/like behavior - just indifference.

When I was met w/the silent treatment (for whatever asinine reason) - I would talk to & through the baby. Meaning I'd say something like: "C'mon baby, lets go start dinner...for TWO tonight since WE are being ignored again!" Then I'd respond (to myself) using baby's voice: "Oh mommy, it's ok. We should be use to it by now, we've had enough practice." Sounds immature, but it got to the point that unless I got a phone call, the baby was all I had to talk to daily - and my NH would be right there in the house! But, he absolutely hated when I did this. During one of few counseling sessions (I say 'few' b/c he stopped going - I continued), we were assigned to write down 5 hurtful things your mate does. At the top of his list was "When she talks through the baby". Awww. Boo-effin-hoo!

This is how I handled my NH. He constantly sought control - which my personality would NOT allow. There is no pleasing them. If you didn't text/call to check on the baby, he'd bombard you w/texts about what a selfish mother you are for working so hard & ignoring your baby (he really means HIM). They always change the rules midway thru the game! Also notice how he has much to say via text, but nothing to say when you're home.

Do you work close enough to home where you could just drop in & check on baby during your lunch hour?

Make your responses as minimal as possible. He's itching to start a fight & watch you beg & grovel. Don't give him the satisfaction. Who's the real baby - your 2 m/o...or your husband? LOL

"Don't confuse your rank with MY authority, soldier!"

"Soldier, don't confuse your rank with MY authority!"

August 30, 2010 - 12:50pm


If you want to really confirm that he is N... then ignore him back not in a way that says your mad or responding to his behavior but I mean just be indifferent not happy not mad just indifferent. They cannot stand to be ignored. See if is behavior doesnt change. Sometimes this will get them to behave but only for a short time and they get wise to it or it may possibly make him really mad but thats one way to confirm hes an N. If you do it let me know the result. Remember it cant be in a way that he thinks you are retaliating it has to be in way that you really just dont give a shit. Almost like hes not there. Mimimal interaction but respond when he speaks just keep your answers mininmal pleasant but indifferent. Youll see....

August 30, 2010 - 1:29pm (Reply to #17)

sick of it- Please?

I will do exactly what you told me to do...It's getting crazy so I iwll try anything. So, just to be sure I act indifferent and see if this angers him or makes him kiss ass?

August 30, 2010 - 5:40pm (Reply to #18)

well i dont know much of your situation so

if you think being indifferent might throw him into a rage I wouldnt do being that you are married live in the same house and have a child. You would want to do anything that would make him violent (as I dont know if he has been violent) what I do know is the they hate to think they do matter nothing gets under their skin more than making them feel they dont matter.

August 30, 2010 - 10:23am


Surely they love attention. BUT, if he can get at you by keeping silent, that is even better. It is so great for him you are waiting for a reply he will not give you. You are being punished for having spoken the truth in therapy. That is probably why he is being quiet and distant with you. To their twisted thinking it is a sort of control and power over you. Besides, if you ask about the baby, that has nothing much to do with him. It is not attention for the only person he's interested in, himself.

August 30, 2010 - 12:28pm (Reply to #6)

yep exactly

mine does this all the time which sends me in a tizzy which he loves. Its all about the control. If you read up on why someone would ignore you'll see its all about control if i had to guess the more you text the more he ignores right? normal people just give you answer even if its one you dont like but no that would bring about a resolution and resolution is one thing they dont want at all costs if you get any kind of resolution that would mean you would move on from them which ignites their fear of abandonment.

August 30, 2010 - 1:18pm (Reply to #7)

My ex would ignore my text

My ex would ignore my text messages when we were together, and when I would ask him if he got them he would say "yes." When I would ask him why he did not respond, I got: "You did not ask a question." So the only way he would respond to my text messages was if I had asked a question.

I would get the silent treatment for hours at home and when he was mad at me for something I did not even knew I had done. I would begin to question his silence, and that always led us into an argument where I was being dramatic, out of touch and to blame.

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

September 1, 2010 - 6:32am (Reply to #15)


This is sooooo familiar. ..how did you deal, Brad? Why do they do it? The number of times I was quite happy then he would go quiet and exactly the same. .. when you finally snap and ask what's wrong it is you that gets accused of being crazy and insecure. It makes me sick to think of the unnecessary apologies I gave him.

August 30, 2010 - 1:20pm (Reply to #8)

Also -

We are in 8 weeks of NC now, and he is ignoring me when we play volleyball together every week, I think he feels that he is punishing me the way he did when we were together.

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

August 30, 2010 - 5:37pm (Reply to #14)

oh yes that's mines weapon of choice

but i turned it right back on him. He thinks that hes the all powerful one by ignoring me. WRONG! I let him know that the fact that he consciously makes an effort to ignore me makes me feel great that he cared enough to do so. So really that makes have all the control now doesn't it? Ha! take that Narc boy!

August 30, 2010 - 1:39pm (Reply to #11)

but who cares, right?

'cause your'e there to get your game on....and I don't mean playing baby games with him.

Igonore the f---er right back. They hate that.

August 30, 2010 - 2:48pm (Reply to #12)

LMAO!!!! Ladies?? SOO FUNNY

Well, I IGNORED the SOB and 3 hours later(as if nothing happened) I recieved this from him:

" BABY is fine, I had to walk him around for an hour to get him to sleep and he just woke up in time to pick Ash up from school. I just changed him and gave him his med. Now I'm feeding him, the girls are home safe..... They both had a great day first day."

LMFAO!!!!!! WHATEVER! I ignored it!

August 30, 2010 - 2:52pm (Reply to #13)


Your'e a quick learner!

Yeah, he's on his good behavior now.....won't last.

August 30, 2010 - 1:36pm (Reply to #9)

What does NC mean?

D and D? NC? PD? Mean?

August 30, 2010 - 1:40pm (Reply to #10)


D&D = Devalue and Discard

NC = No contact

PD= Personality Disorder

August 30, 2010 - 11:32am (Reply to #2)

janine-Attention? So confused help.

He finally answered say the baby is great. I said "thanks, I he needs Medicine at 3pm." He said "I know but thanks". Then 5 min later he texted me that the toilets overflowing and he is cleaning and doing all this crap to make me happy so when i get home it will be nice and clean. So my answer was "WOW, do I need to send a plumber?, What help do you need?' He IGNORANTLY said "A simple THANK YOU was all I was looking for but that's too much for you! I said " I am thankful for whatever cleaning yo do, I was trying to see what we need to do to take care of this crisis! Do you understand that I am thanful?" His response PERPLEXES me, he said "Honestly, Not at all... So would you mind stop texting me I have a screaming baby I'm trying to settle down before I tackle the flood in the bathroom. Please and Thank you!!!!! " I may post this in a forum because I REALLY do not understand??? I am new at this.

August 30, 2010 - 5:23pm (Reply to #4)


That text from him made me almost wet my pants! That is so like something my narc would do. Ignore me and then text after I ignored him back. Tell me about something expected he was doing and want accolades for it. Then berating me for texting him because he was so burdened by life and I didn't understand. And THEN the hysterics, usuallly ending with "Just leave me alone!!!!!!!!" They are mad men, period. They are insane. Read it again. It's completely irrational.

August 30, 2010 - 5:53pm (Reply to #5)


Lol. I have a whole journalful of these messages in my blackberry. I started saving all msg for proof at counseling. Which is why I'm getting treated so badlt! Oh well, I'm not going to counselor for nothing. I pull out the proof and it sets him off. Sometimes you gotta laugh. Even though the person you love CANNOTT love you back. It almost makes me not love him.

August 30, 2010 - 3:21pm (Reply to #3)


To confuse, upset and provoke you might be what he is trying to do, if he is a narcissist. From what you have posted, he sounds like one, but there are so many personality disorders, so that would be hard to say.
Since you are new here, perhaps it would help you to type whatever you need an explanation for into the search box, top of the page on the left. You will find a lot of information and links. Read all you can and keep talking to us.

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