desprathousewife story

Hi everyone,

All this is completely new to me, up until a week and a half ago I didn't even know what NPD was. Unfortunately I found out the hard way along with probably most people here.

I'm not sure where to start so I guess I'll start with how I met mine. My 18 year marriage ended 5 years ago and after dating a few men, met my n on a night out in my local town 18 months ago. I'd seen him around over the years and would catch him looking at me and found him very attractive, he'd been asking my friends about me so I knew he was interested, so when he made a play for me I reciprocated. A girl I knew vaguely came over that evening and warned me he was seeing one of her friends but when I asked him he swore he was single and said this other girl was obsessed with him, that he'd dated her a while back and they had finished months ago. Of course I believed him as I'd seen him out a lot over the previous weeks and he had always been with his male friends and they even confirmed this on that evening, so I was shocked when this woman attacked me while I was talking to him by coming up behind me and dragging me away by my hair. Luckily the fight was broken up and I just had a chunk of hair missing. The following day the girl in question actually came around to my house to apologise, begged me not to see him as she was still in love with him and told me he was a total B to women. Stupidly I ignored her warnings, especially after what she had done to me, so when he persued me all the following week apologising profusely for her behavior, I gave in and said I would go on a date with him (Grrr how could I have been so bloody stupid!!!!!)

Then obviously came the 'honeymoon period' which was wonderful. He gave me a set of keys to his house after only a few days, I met his mum, dad and daughter in that first week and things were just peachy. We had such fun together, nights out and in, weekends away, texting and ringing me constantly while he was at work, my lonely life had now become full of hope and promise...I was on CLOUD NINE!

For me the first sign of anything wrong came after a fantastic weekend away together, we'd been camping, packed our gear away and were off to a theme park. He gave me a map and I was in charge of giving directions. We came to a town centre and I couldn't decide if it was left or right at the upcoming junction....BIG MISTAKE, he lost it bigtime, yelled at me, speeded the whole 2 hour journey home and never said a word to me, then on arriving at my house, chucked my things on my front lawn and sped off and left me standing there in complete disbelief. I was mortified...what had I done to warrant such treatment? I waited for an apology but it was 3 days before he got back in touch. He never apologised but did try and ingratiate himself with me and as I'd missed him so much I decided to forget it.

I could write numerous things that he did after that, each time they would get a little more worrying, but I'll just cut to the final incident and save others for another time else I'll be here all day.

We had both booked 2 weeks off work and were going to go on a few trips away and to do some jobs in our houses together (luckily for me I totally kept my independence, we had talked about moving in together but thank goodness our houses needed work doing before they were saleable). I was SO excited, 2 whole weeks together. That evening when we had both finished work, we were going into town to celebrate and "I thought" we'd had a great night. He was with his friends and me with mine, we met up later and he seemed to be in a great mood, even had his arm around me, something he didn't usually do around his friends. We left the pub together and immediately his attitude changed, he started picking a petty fight, it was over nothing, then as I wasn't biting told me to just 'f**k off', I did, but when I got in the taxi to go home, thought how stupid the argument had been and went back to his house believing that by the time he got home he would have calmed down. Surely he didn't want to fall out with me, we had our whole two weeks ahead to look forward to? I let myself in, locked the door and went and had a cigarette before going up, putting my nighty on and getting into bed. Soon after he came home, he immediately started chuntering about knowing I was there as he could smell I'd been smoking. He made himself a drink and something to eat, all the time moaning away to himself, I thought I'd try and lift his mood, so when he started coming upstairs, I got out of bed and nipped into his bathroom so he'd think that maybe he'd been mistaken and I hadn't been there, but he heard me enroute, ermm I was trying to supress some giggling too. He stormed into the bathroom " wtf are you doing creeping round my house in the dark you stupid bitch" he spat at me. I was frightened now, I'd never seen him THIS angry before. I told him I'd go, but as I walked past him back into the bedroom he grabbed me by the throat and pinned me down on the bed. I tried to push him off me, he was scaring me bigtime now. His grip around my throat tightened and I watched in frozen horror as he pulled his other arm back and launched it straight at my face. I couldn't move he had me pinned down so tight, so got the full force on my cheek, it felt like my head was exploding but I didn't lose consciousness and had become hysterical at this point. He was growling at me to shut the f**k up else his neighbours would hear, I can't believe he was still so in control yet behaving like a monster. My face swelled up instantly, I couldn't see properly out of one eye, he must have seen the damage he'd done as he then started muttering about the police and decided HE was gonna call them, I didn't care what he did, he'd let me go and I ran to get my clothes and get dressed and get the hell out of there. I heard him on his mobile but was oblivious to the conversation, my only thought was getting out. I'd dressed and was hurriedly collecting my things when the police arrived, he let them straight in, they took one look at me, asked if he's done this to me and then when I nodded, immediately tried to arrest him, I say TRIED, he fought them like a tiger, they had to call for back up he was that strong. At last they led him out, I'd stopped looking, I couldn't bare to watch, and then I was taken to hospital for x-rays, they thought he may have fractured my cheekbone.

That was almost 3 weeks ago, the swelling has gone, the bruising is now minimal but inside I'm broken. He texted me 4 days after, it just said 'I still love you, sorry' xxx...yep, that was it, and then a few days later a longer one saying dont tell the police he's text (they've put a restraining order in place) he could go to prison amd lose his house, everything. He's not a bad person and he knows I'm not, I'm the warmest kindest person he's ever met and he's lost me. He never wanted to hurt me, he thought I was a burglar (WTF) He'd hoped we'd be together forever and would do anything to turn the clock back. He still loves me and is so very sorry for hurting me xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
He doesnt know I know but he got straight back with the ex who pulled my hair out and lives just around the corner from me. I know they are plotting against me, she saw me going to the woods I walk my dogs in a couple of days ago and he was waiting for me in the carpark when I got back, I just bundled the dogs back in the car and he sped off, I think he had the audacity to think I'g go and talk to him??? His court case was last week and he pleaded not guilty, it's going to trial in October. Now I've discovered what he is I'm living in fear, he must be seething inside and he has HER back on side to help him. I'm terrified of what they might do, hopefully until the court case is over they dare not breach it.

I can't eat or sleep at night, have constant nightmares. It's ALL I can think about, I'm still grieving his loss and trying to come to terms with him having never loved me after all I did for him, and to top that off he is back with HER. I've spent so much time, money and effort in this relationship, have been the best I can be and it's all been a LIE. The case is in the local paper today, I hid away after it happened so no-one except my close friends would know, but now EVERONE will know, they've named us and even given our street names. I can't escape it anywhere. It's with me as soon as I wake up, throughout each and every minute of every day and then with the constant nightmares, even in the little time I'm asleep. I found this website a few days ago after having read numerous sites about NPD, and have been reading all the stories on here, I'm desperate for people to talk with that have been through the same experiences, I guess I need reassurance that when this is all over he won't be so wracked with thoughts of revenge that he may do something worse to me or my family, can they MURDER under such circumstances? Unlike most on here the emotional torment is the least of my worries....for now :(