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The Power Of Our Thoughts

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#1 Aug 24 - 12PM
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

The Power Of Our Thoughts

Taken from: http://www.srichinmoybio.co.uk/blog/

Quite often we find ourselves with many negative thoughts going through our mind. These trains of thoughts can become very powerful as we endlessly repeat them in our mind. The problem is that that the more we focus on the thoughts, the more powerful they become. Therefore, it can become very difficult to stop these endless cycles of thoughts.

However, it is definitely possible and these are a few tips to control our thoughts.

1. Make a conscious decision to Stop the thoughts

The problem is that sometimes we attach ourselves to certain ideas and problems, and we subconsciously get a kind of pleasure from going through a certain problem / issue. If we subconsciously keep inviting the thoughts, we will never be able to stop them. Therefore, the first stage is to make a clear and conscious decision to stop the repetition of the thoughts. Be aware of their negative impact and don’t allow them to come any more. This conscious step is an indispensable stage in controlling our thoughts.

2. Look upon the Thoughts as being Outside of yourself.

When we first try to stop the thoughts, it seems very difficult because they feel such a strong part of our mind. Therefore, the second stage is to feel that the thoughts are separate to our self. When a thought appears in your mind, look upon the thought as coming from outside yourself. This is a very powerful way to reduce the impact of thoughts on our mind. Once we realize our thoughts are separate to ourselves it becomes possible to stop them.

3. Who is it who listens to thoughts?

This is a technique to try and discover the origination of your thoughts. Whenever a thought appears, just ask yourself, who is it who is thinking this? What we do is to try and discover the source of thoughts. Through asking this question we realize that there is an “I” which can decide to accept or reject thoughts. By asking this question we will be able to stop the thoughts as soon as they enter. You are not a victim of your own thoughts, it is you who either rejects or gives life to thoughts.

4. Catch thoughts as soon as they appear.

This exercise requires a determined effort on our part. We need to be vigilant and watch every thought that enters our mind. As soon as we see a negative thought enter, we must immediately discard it and refuse to follow it. The more we follow thoughts, the more difficult it becomes to stop them later. Therefore, it is best to catch them as soon as possible.

5. Concentrate on Something else.

If we have a train of thoughts which have gained a stranglehold over our mind, the best solution is often to just try and do something completely different. Don’t just sit around, go and do something which gives you no opportunity to ruminate over your thoughts. By doing this we ignore the thoughts completely, and they lose there hold over us.

“Wrong thoughts are inside us just because we identify ourselves with these thoughts. If we identify with something else, immediately they have to leave us.”

- Sri Chinmoy [1]

6. Meditation

Meditation is the best way to learn how to control our thoughts. Meditation involves the art of concentration and quietening the mind. In meditation we not only try to control our thoughts but we also can bring to the fore our inner qualities of peace and oneness. If we can invoke the calming power of our own heart, then we use an alternative force to take the place of the negative mind.

“The mind has its own power, and right now this power is stronger than your present eagerness and determination to meditate. But if you can get help from your heart, then gradually you will be able to control your mind. The heart, in turn, gets constant assistance from the soul, which is all light and all power.”

- Sri Chinmoy [2]

We should meditate every day so that we can bring to the fore as much as peace as possible into our mind. If we only meditate when we are overrun with thoughts, we will find meditation very difficult. But, if we gain peace of mind through our daily meditation then we develop our inner capacities to control our thoughts.

Aug 24 - 3PM
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Thank you Brad for this.

Thank you Brad for this. All is so true. But when you cant focus your thoughts enough to remember these techniques, It may require physical action to get the ball rolling. Sometimes, especially in the early dark days, we are unable to remove the negative thoughts with the power of the mind. It is as if it is running at its own speed, driving its own course and were in the back seat. We dont even get to stop for a pee break. It is excruciating and exhausting. This is where we have to take physical action. This was the hardest thing for me to do when i was in a zombie like state. Lost, dazed and confused. I knew i could accomplish three things at that point. Make it from the bathroom to my bed, Make it from the bed to the computer and talk obsessively on the phone about what happened to me. Didnt care much about anything else. Keep in mind this is not everyone on the board, there are varying degrees to this, i have always been an extremist. It wasn't until i began to take physical action in getting my life back that i was able to do all those other very valuable techniques. I started slow. Went to the store instead of having a friend bring me stuff Put a sticky note on my phone that said STOP so when i went to grab it i would not dial to have those long winded obsessive conversations with friends that didnt get it. Made a check list of "things to do for me today", pay a bill, eat a home cooked meal in stead of ordering out, clean one room in my house, make an attempt at ONE 3 minute phone call where his name would not come up once (god that one killed me). Make one attempt daily to get out of the house and do something for someone else. Cook a meal and drop it off to a friend, Help the neighbor with her weeds in her yard, take a few can goods to the food pantry. Anything as long as it is to help someone else. Gradually as my list grew more intense and i took the action, I started to return to myself. Being the victim of emotional abuse can be extremely debilitating. As is said there are degrees but for those that cant manage to control their thoughts enough to practice mind control techniques this is can be very helpful to get you started in the right direction. Controlling our body is far easier than controlling our minds. xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 24 - 4PM (Reply to #4)
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

Betty - You are right

I too was debilitated by the sudden end of the relationship. In 30 minutes I went from unpacking groceries to packing a bag of my things and leaving. I was homeless, and stunned. I could not function. I called my friends who were so patient and talked endlessly as well, sobbing. I could not eat, sleep, focus at work. I was, as you said a Zombie. I was so afraid of tomorrow, and my future without him. I could not even imagine him not being with me. It was the largest sense of loss and the biggest void I have ever felt. My friends would take me to look at apartments and I would cry at everyone I saw because it wasn't the home that I had or ever felt I would have. I did not even understand what the true meaning of the work Narcissist was until 4 weeks after the D&D. As soon as I started to understand WHO HE REALLY WAS, it started to get clearer. I have still not progressed through all of the stages. There are days that I miss him tremendously, and there are days that I am disgusted by him. I am no longer thinking obsessively about him, as when those thoughts start to enter my head I say to myself "He abandoned you, and does not deserve this mindshare." I have devoured as much information on NPD as I could, not to try and diagnose and try to heal him, but for my understanding and education to help me heal. I have only been on this board for a couple of weeks, but am finally able to begin to read and understand things for my health and well being. Everything you said is RIGHT ON!

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss

Aug 24 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
anonymous
anonymous's picture

Snow White

Brad - something that another great person on this board, Better Off, wrote to me has helped me a lot this week. So I'll share it with you in the hopes that it'll help you too. She said that rather than try to trick myself into feeling that I don't love him anymore, I need to accept that I do and probably always will. But the "him" that I love isn't the whole him, it's the Ideal Guy him. I need to grieve the loss of Ideal Guy as if he died. And Whole Guy killed him. She said it's like Snow White - I need to reserve a glass box in my heart for Ideal Guy and grieve his death. He is dead to me - I will always love him, just like I will always love my dead father, but I will never be able to see him again. And as sad as that makes me, it also has helped me. It's relieved some pressure. It's OK that I love him. I have normal emotions that Whole Guy can never have because of his disorder. And honestly, when I tried to think about Ideal Guy and put him in the glass box, I realized that I actually expereinced very little time with him. He only came out a handful of times during our relationship. And it made me realize that I miss him but I don't miss Whole Guy at all - in fact I would be fine if I never see him again. I haven't articulated this very well but I hope it makes sense. Hang in there buddy - you're doing all the right things.
Aug 25 - 8AM (Reply to #7)
Goldie
Goldie's picture

I came to this realization as well

Hi Morty, I came to this as well. Everyone was trying to get me to hate him. Or if I would say something nice it would be like, how can you have any feelings for this animal. One day I was sitting in the park at night with a new friend after an outdoor concert and we were talking. She told me about a situation that happened to her years ago where her husband of 12 years just up and left with no disussion. She was a mess for years over this because she loved him so much and there was no reason ever given. I started crying over hearing this story and I said to her. I loved my X so very much, he was the love of my life and I wanted to spend my life with him and when it ended there was no closure, I went NC while he was in jail and that was that. I said, the part that hurts me the most is that no one seems to understand how much I loved him and how much it hurts to have him gone, even though he was so very sick. She looked at me with the sweetest little face and said, I do. She said, if you ever need to talk about how much you loved him and how much you miss him, I am here for you. Once I totally accepted that I loved him and do not and cannot hate him, this is when the acceptance, forgiveness, and moving on in my head started to begin. I accept that I loved him and that we can no longer have any contact. This brings us to this initial post. Now I want to change my thinking so that I do not create a living space in my mind where he could get out of jail and think on any level that he can come back here. I want to change the thoughts in my head to moving on and creating a space in my mind for my current and new life without him. So I guess timing is everything. Reading this post when you are not ready can be confusing, however, once you are ready to let it go, move on, and change the thinking that got you here in the first place (that may not be a popular comment, sorry). I believe in my case, it was a combination of things that got me here, not just the Narc, but things in me that would allow this false lifestyle with my Narc. Those are the only things I can change, not them. God bless, Goldie
Aug 24 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
betty2020
betty2020's picture

Oh honey you have made more

Oh honey you have made more progress than you could ever imagine. It may not seem like this but everyday we take the baby steps needed to move forward. You are in the right place and doing the right things. Many can attest that they were in you exact shoes not to long ago. Everyone goes through the steps of recovery at their own pace. As long as you are taking positive action your moving in forward motion. Missing him is part of our illness. We suffer from a multitude of emotional effects one being cognitive dissonance. How can he be so good yet so bad? I miss the good him. Two opposing ideas the keep you in a confused state and is usually what causes us to return for round two, three or four. It is always far worse the next go around. No contact, education, staying close to the board for advise and wisdom, will help you understand a lot more in time and bring about the relief you are seeking. You are headed in the right direction luv. big love....xoxo only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

Aug 24 - 1PM
Goldie
Goldie's picture

Excellent Post

Hi Brad, Yes, yes, yes!! God bless, Goldie
Aug 24 - 1PM (Reply to #2)
OriginalMe
OriginalMe's picture

Goldie

I am glad you liked it. I did as well. A lot of good stuff at his website.

"Be who you are, and say what you feel; for those who mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind." - Dr. Seuss