So I have spent the last month and a half wondering around in a fog trying to figure out what just happened to me. I met my ex a little over a year ago and there was an instant connection. He was the man I always dreamed of. He was genuine and kind, and so I naturally fell in love. Red Flag #1: We were dating for a week when he asked me why lease was up on my place, because he wanted me to move in. This went ignored and laughed it off.
He rushed me to meet his family. I am a professional, and have a great career, a solid head on my shoulders, extremely outgoing and I have a solid foundation of lifelong friendships.
He is introverted, cerebral, always online, only has two friends; one who is local (a horrible influence on him) and one who has known him his entire life who lives 4 hours away.
I started spending lots of time at his house, which was always unkempt, and I cleaned it. We went to my friends holiday party and he and his best friend just sat on the couch and talked to each other and no one else. When I saw them get up and go to the dining room, I followed them in, to which I was immediately greeted with a "Can't you see we are talking?" Red Flag #2.
I moved in in January, and then he went cold. He would sit in the house for an entire afternoon and not say a word to me. We traveled all of the time and we were always arguing when we did. He would constantly ask if I was upset, even if I wasn't he would ask. That in itself made me mad.
When we would talk about our relationship, I would bring up things he said and he would immediately reply with "I never said that" or "I believe you believe you heard me say that".
Sex was only given when I asked for it, and never initiated by him after I moved in. I would go to bed and he would be up until 3 or 4 in the morning on the internet.
He started to pull away, and became very territorial, referring to every thing as his and not ours.
He was condescending and demeaning in the most subtle of ways. But enough to erode my self-esteem and self-worth.
On July 2nd I asked him if I needed to get my own place because I was not comfortable and he seemed to pull away, he said NO! The next day he wanted to talk, and I said great. I told him I loved him, and his reply was "I love that you love me" I was gutted. I told him that it is not fair to be in a relationship where someone who used to love me and tell me they loved me no longer does. He replied with "If you want me to tell you I am not in love with, then I am not in love with you"
I packed a bag and left. I was devastated. I went back the next day, and he had gone out with his friend. We laid in bed but did not talk. We went to lunch and shopped. When I asked if it was really over he said, I though we settled that yesterday. It was so easy for him to switch to "friends".
We hung out a couple more times, he took me to the movie on moving day after the movers left. He was depressed when he saw the empty house.
Then two days after the mover picked up most of my things, I go over when he was at work to get the rest of my things and notice condom wrappers on the night stand in our bedroom. I felt like I was drop kicked. I sent him a text that said "looks like you have healed fast" and he responded with a "did you leave the keys?"
Ran into him that next week, and for the first time I saw a soul-less human through his eyes.
A friend told me about narcissism, and I had no clue. I read up on it and was floored that it seemed like a play book for our relationship.
I was an empty shell of a human and so depressed after we broke up, but when I read up on N's, I sent him an email that said I no longer want to communicate with you and that I SEE YOU, and attached a description of a relationship with an N.
He wrote back that he no longer wanted communication with me.. Isn't that what I said in the email???
I'm so confused and feel utterly used!