Jaycee's Story

I tried to share my story this morning but I think I lost it somehow, so here is the short version. I have had to accept the unacceptable, I have had to accept I was married to someone for twenty four years who absolutely never lovede me. He is a pure and twisted Narcississt/serial cheating monster. Over the years, I just did not want to see the truth, not even when he walked out on me and our children when they were only six and eight years old. He left us for, what I thought, was his first affair (wrong, he had cheated all along) but this one, he thought he really loved, or thought could offer him more. Like a damn fool, I took him back after two years, his pleading, how he made the biggest mistake of his life, how he wanted his family back (even though he continued to come by almost two and three times a week, to keep me under his thumb). I had no idea of the magnitude of his "I love myself" ways, I had never heard of narcissism being a personality disorder, I was much younger and less wise in the ways of the world. In the first three years of our getting back together, he continued to cheat with various women, I found out maybe three years into it, and he cried the Im sorry, Ill never do it again, but oddly enough, I believed him, and there were two or three at the time. Well, he continued cheating obviously, but I put a blind eye to it, and stayed and pretended we were happy, i covered for him to friends and family (whom I didn't know thought he was a big a**hole anyway) to make him look good, so as to save face for myself...well eventually he became involved with a girl from the gym, one who liked to supply him with his illegal steroids, she even paid for them, and there came two plus years of torture, she would call my house, arrogantly, drive by beeping all hours days and night, followed me into a store and laughed in my face, put things in our mailbox to let me know they were still together, and he lied, and lied, and lied, and said (as our son was in Iraq serving our country) I swear our son will die in Iraq before I ever see that whore again, etc...nice his own son....well before I knew it, it was crunch time, I was either going to put up with it and the total disrespect, or I was going to dump him for good. I packed his things in garbage bags and dumped them on her apt. doorstep, he has been living with her ever since. he continues to text and call and come over daily telling me he loves me, misses me, doesnt love her, but I threw him out, and hes going on his own soon. lies and says hes unhappy and how he misses our fantastic sex (NO he misses the wife who gave him so much freedom he hung himself with it) he misses the sucker who believed all his lies and still loved him, he no longer has any contact with his son, who hates him and says that piece of sh*t is dead too me. He toys with our emotionally unstable at the moment daughter who adored him, who now wishes she had a real father. He now lives with a woman who buys him everything, pays for everything, strokes his ego so well, he'll never want to leave, the only thing is, she will never know his children, they both have resoundingly said over and over again, who his dirty fn whore, I will never see that whore, ever, so he can keep her where they are, neither have any interest in ever meeting her, but I dont think that bothers her, she wants him to play family with her and her sometimes kid, because she doesnt get he was never a family man to begin with, but with his narc mask on, he plays it well. I am heartsick and devastated, but glad I am able to accept the truth, that my husband never loved me and never will, he will continue to toy with my emotions, dangle hope in my face, yet will continue to do what makes him feel good at the moment. Too bad, she hasn't seen him without the mask, Yet! Too bad I didn't see him without the mask years ago. I pray this heartache and obsession goes away soon, as I need to make a life for myself and stop listening to his lies. My story is so long and complicated, too long to address right now, but I hope someone replies and lets me know what they think of the pathological narcississt I spent more than half my life with.