Faithinthefuture story

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#1 Jul 29 - 3PM

faithinthefuture

Faithinthefuture story

I had no idea what a narcissist was until I ended a 10 yr on/off relationship w/one. I started searching for answers to how a compulsive liar & cheater thinks and as Oprah says I had my Aha Moment when it led me to narcissism and this web page.
I've been NC for 4 months...I'm slowly learning the abbreviations :-)
I confronted my exN w/cheating again!(while he was in his home state for a funeral) He of course denied it & said "I wasn't w/her"...I never mentioned any name. His response was I'm not happy here & that makes you unhappy. I told him to pack his shit & get the fuck out of my house.(He had moved here from his state to mine 7 mos earlier-600 miles difference).Whick he proceeded to do..the whole time sniffling.I wish sooo bad I would've called him on that! When his truck was loaded(I threw EVERYTHING he had ever given me on the bed for him to take...he told me I gave those things to you please keep them...told him I want NOTHING in my house from you!!) when the truck was packed he asked if he had everything I told him if I find anything I'll burn it. Parting words to him were...take your lieing cheating ass back to mommy & your so called friends who say you will never amount to anything you are dead to me.
For the next 3 days i drank A LOT of wine slept and cried my heart out cuz it was broke by him...again.
Then i got a call from a friend who had been told my the OW they had been together & she was a nasty icky skank & to go get tested. I did the next day. 2 days later I got the call I was positive for chlamydia. I called & told him & he was like "YOU HAVE CHLAMYDIA?!" You could hear in his voice the eewwwww. Awww yeah and you gave it to me.(I had not been w/anyone else except for him in over 4 yrs) He was supposed to have been tested yr b4 becuz he had been w/a different skank who I KNEW was nasty and b4 I would get back together w/him I told him he had to. I KNOW...I SHOULD'VE ASKED TO SEE THE RESULTS!!! But like a fool i trusted him...again.
I know my story is working backwards from the ending & not the beginning.
He is your typical N...Mr. Charmer in the beginning and then the yrs slowly started to show his true colors and has gotten worse.
I want nothing to do w/him. It is over! He makes me sick to my stomach. But I'm at a place where I need to hear I'm not alone & to be w/people who know how devastating it is to have had a relationship w/an N. It's not a normal grieving. Even for those who were strong independent women(sorry if any guys are on here)I'm hoping by coming to this website I will become that woman again.
Sometimes I feel I'm as addicted to this website as I was to him. Is that bad? I hope not.
Sorry this is sooo long & only have the story's been told. Overwhelms us doesn't it? It's like OMG WTF?!!!!!

#2 Aug 13 - 9PM

sweetsamm

skanks and whores

Hey faithinthefuture,I want you to know you are NOT alone....I was the most confident,funniest,cutest,wittiest,girl my ex could ever get..he played the shy sweet guy..i wasn't even attracted to him,but he weasled his way in..then when he told me he was moving 400miles away I think it was kind of a challenge to see if i could get him to move back,and in the meantime i fell in love..well,he moved back we moved in together and things were good..my business was going crazy,i was making a lot of money,his business on the other hand was boring him and he wasn't making a lot of money...while i was making more money things were still good..one time i had his phone and i dialed a number and it was the skanky acnefaced secretary,she convinced me she was just scoring him weed...(which by the way I don't smoke,and drove me crazy becuz it was 24/7)..after a fight he said how he fucked her,then ofcourse took it back..i'm sure he did..anyway,i talked him into going into business for himself,made him flyers,walked them door to door with him...had business cards done for him,got his ad,thought of the name...and the business slowly but surely grew...he was making good money....and i was laid off....and guess what...things changed dramatically....started hiding money,calling me loser,lazy,whore,slut...etc....if we went somewhere and guys looked at me,he'd say it was because they thought i looked easy..anyway,who knows why i stayed..he started hiding his phone,i caught him again talking to some ugly soccermom...then friends of mine,all the slut skanks,none cute...that's what funny,the women he cheated with were ugly,stupid,infected,with ugly bodies...that was almost worse,it was like,are you kidding me?? I finally left,got some copies of his phone bill,and turns out he was also contacting prostitutes on craigslist! plus,there were some clearly homosexual men's numbers on there...i called them all just to validated that i wasn't crazy! Another thing....i love sex...he wasn't going other places because i didnt want it...well, he's 33 and is now with a 56yr old grandma..,i'm single,have more guys after me than i can count,and am waiting for the whole package,i am NOT settling ever again....

#3 Jul 31 - 9PM

almostlydia

Welcome, Faith. I'm so glad

Welcome, Faith. I'm so glad you were found this place. It is a lifesaver. I had a 10 yr mostly on relationship and spent years trying to figure out WTF was going on. I found a whole lot of confusing info several years ago that only made things worse. Then finally after so much trauma when things were really over once and for all, I found this place and all it's links to so much amazing info. Finally I found some peace for myself and quit beating myself up. Mine has just resumed his typical MO of text and calls after 6 mos absence but this time I am absolute. All is done once for all. I am so safe now that I am not held hostage by his attempts to contact or his same old same old tired ass words I've heard a million times. It's great to reach the place of total indifference. Welcome aboard exN train. P.s. I've been here a while and am still scratching my head over some of the abbreviations:) Stay strong. One day you won't give a damn whether he calls or not.

almostlydia

#4 Aug 1 - 8AM (Reply to #6)

faithinthefuture

Good For You

Good for you for staying strong! I know if he does ever try to contact me I won't fall back into his twisted games. And as much as I would LOVE to tell him to F' OFF I won't cuz he'd like that attention too. Their words are actually laughable and am soo happy you've come to that point. We'll stay strong together! I am finding answers and peace here. I know I have to find the closure w/in me. It'll never come from him! He used to tell me "it's not always about you" Well NOW IT IS! Lord knows it NEVER was w/him! Must tell you Lydia has been a favorite name of mine forever. :) You ever hear the song "Lydia" by Slade Cleaves? LOVE IT!

#5 Aug 2 - 10PM (Reply to #7)

almostlydia

Faith

I was reminded in someone's recent post of the power of a very simple text response: 'K'. Worth a million words without any fun for him. I'll have to you tube the song and check it out. I actually came up with that name in a fluke and pretty sure I even got it wrong but I liked it so it stuck. I was watching 'I, Psychopath' on you tube and Vlakin's wife's name is, or at least sounded like 'lydia' and that's how I came up with 'almostlydia'. Had we gotten married this year as we were suppose to i would've been 'lydia'. It's an incredibly interesting film if you haven't seen it. As i read thru your other posts, I thought, 'yep that was me, that was me too'. Likewise,I know I spend way too much time here and feel almost as tho I am addicted to it as well. It just feels so great after so long of trying to spell it out for people what this was about, to come here where everyone gets it. I think a big part of it is not only getting the support but giving it as well, esp to those who are suffering the things I already suffered and felt so alone in. So I'm sure it's a much better addiction than the other. Will take a look at you tube now.

almostlydia

#6 Jul 31 - 9AM

nhtmf

Welcome Faith. You have

Welcome Faith. You have come to the right place. There is not one person here who does not understand completely how you're feeling. Keep reading.......This site is a better place to be for your strength and your hurt soul and heart right now. Its OK to linger here. The more you know the better, right? Hang in and stay NC. It really works. Hugs..................

#7 Jul 31 - 8PM (Reply to #2)

faithinthefuture

Thank You!

I know it is the right place & I was guided here for a reason. My heart goes out to all the women(sorry again guys) who have been w/a N. And soo many stories are soo much worse than mine! But we all have one thing in common...we believed in a love that was never true..on the N's side and we're ALL loving caring compassionate honest women. Why we can't understand how ANYONE can be the way a N is. It's not in our comprehension. And yet we still try. This is the 1st time that I DON'T want him to contact me. Well that's not exactly true. I imagine him calling & saying can we talk about "us"..which I would say there is no us realize there never has been & hang up. :-) I prayed when he did this to me the time b4 last he would contact me so I would know he loved only me..yeah right huh? He's w/the skank he cheated on me with and her therapist told her to RUN! She even KNOWS he's going to cheat on her & says Que Sera Sera. I don't want him to be happy(I know deep down he's not). Oh she's a diagnosed N & admits it. May they be miserably happy together 4ever! Thank you! for your understanding and kind helpful words!

#8 Aug 1 - 8AM (Reply to #3)

alma25

Welcome on a board

It's so nice to have you here especially that my relaionship with exN was also on and off for 10 years. What a coincidence;) After some time it's even quite funny when they are repeating the same words all the time. Why bother? If they worked the last time, they must work now. Hope you'll feel well here with us:)

#9 Aug 1 - 9AM (Reply to #4)

faithinthefuture

Thank you

Yeah they repeat words from movies, songs, what other people have said...pathetic. And accuse us of what they have doing. All the lies the cheating. the snide remarks that weren't enough to really bitch about but yet were wrong. I have never let any other person treat me the way he did. I never will again. I used to tell mine to grow up & take responsibility for your actions.(He was 17 yrs younger than me & for a long time I thought that's why he acted the way he did) No matter what age lieing and cheating is wrong. I would tell him when you really love someone you don't do that to them. I know...he only loves himself! I read this in a book and have it up at home at work... "I can be grateful for being shown what I don't want, that I deserve love and it will come into my life."

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