Anyways, BAD BAD BAD move on my part saying those things to him that night. To the very end of our relationship he would still bring up that one fight telling me how crazy I was and that I needed anger management. That he couldn't be with someone like that. This coming from a man that constantly attacks me with viscous names. For the last fourteen months, on a weekly bases, I am little bitch, crazy bitch, psycho, nut-job or delusional. I don't ever call him names back. I'm well aware of what the repercussions will be if I even try to stick up for myself. That is not allowed.
For the last fourteen months,this man texts me everyday or every other day telling me how much he wants to fu** me. Yet he refuses to see me. I ask/begged him to tell me what his days off are so that I can take work off to come and see him. He tells me that he has no days off. If he does make plans with me he is always a no call/no show, or he tells me he couldn't call in sick because his work is too busy or he will say I didn't hear from you soon enough so I just went to work. This happens even if we have had plans for weeks and he knows how excited I am to see him and that I have gone out of my way rearranging my schedule and requesting time off from my job to visit him.
-I found him on another dating site recently. I never told him.
-He lies to me. Even about stupid things like his age. He is only two years older than me. I don't even know what the point is. (duh! Like I really don't remember how old he was when we were first dating) I can't bust him on his lies because its not worth him turning things around on me or flying into a rage at me.
-Tells me that he wants to rape me on a regular bases or that I only deserve to be raped. I go along with this because I always felt if I didn't I would lose him.
- He will ask me if I miss him or love him and if I ask him if he loves me, he will say I love your pussy or I miss your pussy only.
-Demanded that I get on birth control, made a huge deal out of it for months, so of course I did. When he FINALLY saw me a couple of months ago he refused to have sex with me without a condom saying that he couldn't trust me. He knows that I hate condoms because I have an allergy to the latex.
-The night that we finally saw each other (it had been a year), he arrived at the hotel after midnight (we each drove half way and I of course paid for the room) He left at 5am in the morning telling me that he had to work the next day at noon. I know his schedule fairly well since he is always texting me in the mornings when he gets off work. I was so devastated that he left so soon. I layed in that hotel alone and cried for about four hours. It was one of the worst nights/mornings of my life.
-Only ever wants to talk about sex. If I ask him how his day was or how he is doing he just replies "wishing I was fucking you"
-Tells me I have to do whatever he wants, that it is all about him (literally). I am not allowed to tell him no.
-Always asks me "Can I still do whatever I want to you"? I feel like if I say I'm not into that, he won't see me. I have always given into him because the times that I have told him that I don't want rough sex he freaked out and raged telling me that I was a nut job and never to talk to him again. He then ignored me for two weeks.
-He never apologizes and always puts the blame on me. Example: If he cancels on me he will find some way to turn it around on me. Everything is always my fault. This always leaves me feeling confused and crazy.
-He attacks my character and who I am as a person. I don't know how to defend myself against things that I haven't done or would never do to begin with. This hurts me so much.
-When things are going well between us, he will all of a sudden create drama and start fights or wild accusations, usually when we are just a few days from seeing each other. I just tell him that I understand (not allowed to stick up for myself), that I am just happy that I get to see him because I miss him so much,but it always results in him ignoring me and standing me up.
-He told me ALL the time that I have to be nice to him. If I am nice then he will see me. I don't understand what he means by this because I always feel like I am nice to him.
-I'm not allowed to be emotional. If I try to talk to him about the way he treats me, if I ask for affection or if he has hurt my feelings when he stands me up, he does not care. Tells me that those are my feelings to deal with. Or he threatens me with never seeing him again. This man does not want to hear anything that I have to say.
- When he knew that I was having surgery he texted me... I want to lick your pussy. I was laying in a hospital bed. He never even asked how I was doing.
- Accuses me of having sex with or texting other men.
- I never initiate contact with him because he either ignores me or is so rude that I know its just best to let him contact me when he feels like it.
- He pressures me for naked photos.
- Whenever I was with him, I always felt alone.
- Threatens me with fuc*** other chicks. Says things like I will think about you when I fu** her. Her pussy will be so tight!!! He has made me so upset at times that I have literally been physically sick, throwing up.
At the end of June I found him on another dating site. Mind you, he still has no time for me. He then sent me a picture of himself on a beach somwhere. I asked him when the picture was taken and he said last summer. This is also when he couldn't spend time with me because he was working everyday. He lives no where near the ocean. I knew this was the begening of the end. I could not take anymore of his lies. He then cancelled on me twice at the end of June both times in one week. Again coming up with a B.S. story, turning it around on me. I told him that I couldn't believe he was doing this to me AGAIN. I told him I was crying. He said here we go agian!! I told him not to worry about it. I was gone.
This was his text:
Whatever. Don't talk to me anymore then.
Your a crazy Bitch.
No Response and no contact from me.
July 3rd another text message from him:
I just fucked that chick from the hospital.
It was soooooooo good. She is fucking hot!
And I didn't use a condom. Maybe you shouldn't
have been such a bitch to me.
No response from me.
Please help me! I need your strong words. I need to know why this man does not love me and how I ended up allowing myself to be treated this way. Thank you for listening!!!!