Miss Diors Story

My N was textbook narcassist in every degree of the word and then some. My sis always said "he is a monster" and she did alot of research about Narcassistic Personality.. I have not told my dear family (I come from a very normal, good catholic family)about my situation or what I have gone through; except my sis, who is a 3 hr flight from where I live.. She has been my rock, my best friend..without her I could never have gotten through this past 3 years.

When I read the blogs on the website, I am astonished how all the experiences are just like mine! And actually the other night I read the 5 tools (steps) that N's use (and EXACTLY in that order), I was in shock. It really makes you look at the big picture of a Narc's big plan. When I got to the last line, about the police that was it for me. Read on...

I was with my N for 3 years off and on, back and forth. I would be walking on eggshells all the time and moving out in the middle of the night.. Him kicking me out, and me, being from a different Province, trying to find somewhere to stay. I do not have many friends or family here. We broke up maybe 30 times, and he always manipulated me into going back. Every time I would be happy that finally I was getting over him and bang, he would call...

Last June, as scared as I was.. During one of our breakups I finally got my own apartment (I had to, my few friends were fed up with me calling looking for somewhere to stay!!) But he kept calling and manipluating me to go back and I always did ... Up until June 11, 2010.

I have been through 3 years of hell.. IN April we got back toether, he talked of getting engaged, and how he wanted to be with me always and that he WOULD TAKE CARE OF ME!!!

The night of our incident, June 11...He was on a major power trip. He had his movie premier that night, and he was in a mindset that he was just this BIG MOVIE PRODUCER (this movie was a small scale documentary he did about him and 3 guys that rode their motorcyles across Canada in 2008 in aid of Breast Cancer, and all the music on the movie was from his band... we wont even go there!). So it was his day... which was fine... I was trying to be the supportive partner. (My N had his own recording studio in his house, and has a harley, and has a rock band that he sees every week).

We had had the most most beautifiul, successful night ever, with all his family, some of mine, his friends and co-workers. But at the end of the night, when everyone left, he told me i embarraseed him?? I had no clue what he was talking about.. i had a few glasses of wine, but i know what I did and didnt do.. Like, Me?? I was being the beautiful, sweet, outgoing, friendly woman I always am?? But he would not tell me what I did wrong?? He was giving me the silent treatment, even after the event, he wanted us to go for a drink with his friend, (even tho i just wanted to go home ), he totally ignored me!! And on the ride home in the taxi, I kept asking him what i did wrong.. he wouldnt speak to me. He kept saying you ruined the most important day of my life?? I was so confused??

I think he was actually feeling a need for more supply, now that the night was over, and people were not praising him about his movie so he decided I needed punishment. Even after the movie he continued to ask people over and over, did you like my movie? Did you like my movie? Like he just couldnt get enough fuel in that big ego of his!

So we finally got home. I wanted to talk but he ignored me and he went to bed, with his clothes on. I asked him to get up and talk to me, he would not, he said I need my sleep I will talk to YOU in the a.m. I was soo upset crying, and I guess it was all just building up inside me. I tried to get him up.... Well..he got up and we started yelling, screaming at me and then we started pushing and hitting each other! OMG I will never forget it. He kept screaming at me.. "You are fat, you are fat!! You have cellulite on your legs, I could see it tonight when you wore your dress!!"(the $400 dress he bought me to show me off) and he kept screaming .. You are fat! You are fat! Look at your life?? You are not even successful in your job! Get out of my house! I will never marry you!!! You are a fat stupid bitch!!

I remember coming to, I was on the rug in front of our bed, my nose was bleeding, my head and other body parts were tender and bruised and I was in shock.

I went downstairs to get away from him, with that a knock came at the door, I answered, it was the police!!! Someone had called them! So they asked if he had hit me to make my nose bleed, I said no!!! (Trying to defend him!). So they went upstairs and questioned him, and questioned me downstairs. I am not sure if he was the one who called the police as there was a window open.. but it could have been him. I am not sure what he told police but it appears he blamed me for everything.

The police were saying that N had a mark on his face.. In the meantime, I was just so out of it, i couldnt think, i could barely even speak.. and the cop asked me "did you throw the lamp at him?".. I said no.. i dont think so?? I was in shock and could not remember hardly anything of what had transpired. The officer said, well someone threw the lamp, and he has a mark on his face.. I said no i didnt throw anything... The officer then said, well, one of you had better tell the truth, because either way one of you is coming with us tonight!!! I was weak, I could have just died I was so terrified.

So finally the officer came downstairs from speaking with N and said to me, we are taking you in. THey escorted me upstairs to get dressed, while N was on the couch.. they took me outside, I was not permitted to take anything with me!! NOTHING. They handcuffed me, and took me to the police station. I have never been so horrified, shocked, sad, scared, lonely and I never felt so abandoned in all my life. They kept me in a cell for 2 hrs, I prayed the whole time that I could go home to my apartment and that i will never do this again with him.... then the Peace Officer came in to say because I didnt have a criminal record they would release me, WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITIONS: I DO NOT GO NEAR HIM OR CONTACT HIM DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY, AND YOU HAVE TO GO HAVE YOUR FINGERPRINTS AND MUGSHOT TAKEN NEXT WEEK AND THE WEEK AFTER THAT YOU HAVE TO ATTEND COURT!!!

N knows several lawyers and he did not even call one for me, he did not even call the police to see what had happened to me. Sooooo hurtful.. sooo hurtful..

They finally released me and the police had to take me back to his place to get my things..at 5 in the morning.. N WAS ASLEEEP AND WOULD NOT ANSWER THE DOOR! The police had to bang hard on the door to wake him up. So here I was in jail.. and all he cared about was his sleep! When i went inside and gathered my things.. HE WENT BACK TO BED! He didnt even ask the police what was going on.. he went to f'n bed. I had to get my own lawyer and my court date is coming up soon. Hopefully we can get the charge dropped and i wont have a criminal record, but i will keep you posted.

My sister told me, a loooong time ago, that he was not safe to be with and that one of these nights you are gonna loose it or he will do something to hurt you. And boy she was right.

My N would take me on shopping sprees to TIffanys, take me for expensive trips and dinners 3 - 4 times a week, help me with giving me money... telling me i was his soul mate, and the most beautiful woman he ever met.. but i always felt he was not sincere and that he wanted something in return. Other times he would be screaming at me, almost spitting, like he was possessed or something?? Make no wonder I was so confused all the time?? Barely able to function at work.

Everything he does is for a reason, he is VERY VERY intelligent, (almost scary) and successful. VERY OVER AMBITIOUS, talks to everyone everywhere, no matter who it is. Overly confident but deep down very insecure. He prays every day?? So he thinks he is a good person. He also tries to be a philanthropist, and he thinks that it makes him a good person?? He also liked watching porn and would tell me his fantasies.. he could not be intimate ever.. He is a strategist... with everyone even his mother and family. He is a pathelogical liar... right from the beginning when i met him he lied. I caught him emailing his ex's and girls with these sexual emails, enought to make you sick. He is a marketing director, he has to be the center of attention at all times in any social setting. He is Obsessed with his weight and his looks.. Some days he would not eat at all.. other days he was ordering in take out?? Asking me "do i look fat??".. N spends more time getting ready to go out than I do.. constantly looking in the mirror, sometimes applying my makeup. A charmer with the women, a smoooothe talker. He abused alcohol and when he did look out! He would go on these rages, screaming at me, and telling me to get out of HIS house.. thats when i would move out.. it could be any time of the night.. he didnt care. Me, from a small town, thrown out on the streets in the middle of the night.. my poor parents, if they only knew. Other times, I was his soul mate, and the love of his life??? Make no wonder I was sooo confused all the time.

When things were good with us, it was like a dream come true.. and when things went bad, it was a living hell.

Now I know, he cannot take care of me, he cannot provide security for me, he is NOT CAPABLE !! And he is not capable of a normal relationship with me or any woman.

I am soooo thrilled to have found this website (my sis told me about it). I am seeing a counsellor, and I picked up a book called "Cognitive Behavioral Therapy for dummies". I will continue reading the information on this website, there is so much information and support here! I still think about him alot and what happened, but I am just trying to concentrate on me now. I am leaving this city for a while, moving back to my hometown to be wtih my family, so that I can get him and this bad experience out of my head..so that there will be no chance of ever reconciling with this excuse for a human being.

For those of you involved with a narcassist, please.. get out. DO NOT IGNORE THE RED FLAGS!!

As hard as this is, I know that I can never ever go back to him, if this type of thing were to happen again, they will lock me in jail... And nobody is worth that especially a narcissist who cares about no one only him!!!!!

Healing...
Miss Dior