When I first saw my np it was love at first sight. I have never felt this before nor do I ever want to feel it again.
He responded to my ad looking for a roommate and moved in to my home with all his worldly possessions in a bin. He had an elaborate story as to why this was the case.
I was heartsick over a previous man and my new R/M N/P volunteered his services to nurse me back to health. He quickly gained control of my car, credit cards, second cell phone ect..you know, he needed them to help me because he had nothing of his own.
I thought he was sweet and loving. I did not see the hand writing on the wall as to the living hell my life was to become. He was doing all the errands and fixing things around the house and on my car, he was an auto mechanic.
I thought he was handsome and generous almost to a fault. He hung on my every word and basically did whatever I wanted to do and anticipated my every need.
The first thing to strike me as odd was when I went back to work, and College, he had gone through everything in my house under the guise of helping to organize my things. I mean everything, pictures, documents, personal belongings ect. I shrugged it off as maybe he was just curious or trying to help me.
That was my first big mistake, in retrospect I see now, he was gaining valuable information for future manipulation and he was assessing "our" assets and determining what would be useful for him to "take for himself" in the future.
We were quickly an item and going out and having fun, so much fun that I was oblivious to his fake "mask". He said no to nothing I wanted to do. He met all my friends and attended church with me. Sexually he was loving and sweet and intimate. He looked into my eyes when we made love. He offered to help with my son and said he really wanted to be his friend. He said he never felt this way about anyone and he would never leave me or cheat on me. Honestly, I fell madly in love with this man and wanted to marry him and spend my life with him. I had never felt this way about anyone and never was married before, because I never felt I had met the right one.
Man o man was I wrong and about to make one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I eventually found out that he was addicted to opiates, a NPD, a sociopath, and who knows what else. Apparently he had been troubled since childhood and been seen by countless doctors, psychiatrists, and was incorrigible with his family. His mother left him when he was very young and he "used this" to explain away all of his bad behaviors and of course all his previous girlfriends had hurt him or screwed with him in a varity of ways. He would cry to me about all of this whenever he thought I might want him to leave because I was beginning to have doubts. He was a troubled man/child.
He had me convinced that I was the only one who really loved him.
Nine months later he is in jail for assaulting me, stealing thousands of dollars worth of cash and personal property, his anger nearly destroyed my house, there were over 35 holes and damage to countless other items. The man seemingly overnight turned into the demon from hell and if all of that was not enough my real wake up call was about to come. While in jail he sent me dozens of love letters, poems, handmade trinkets, and offered to tattoo my name on his chest. The letters were incredible and remorseful and I had never read anything like them, I often laughed out loud while reading them because his apparent love for me was so vast. He promised to pay me my restitution, go to rehab, and spend the rest of his life making me happy NOT!!! I was beginning to wake up at this point and only sent him one letter which did not say I wanted him back but did state that he needed drug rehab and I would not be able to communicate with him for 15 to 21 months, the term of the rehab. He agreed to all this in the letters. Imagine my surpise when the man who he shared a cell with was released in court and he started telling the security officer that there was this crazy guy in his cell who all day went on about this stupid, old, woman who he lived with and conned and he was bragging how he only got 6 months and did not have to pay me back a dime cuz he violated his probation and they removed my restitution for that and put him in jail. He boasted about how he cheated on me, never loved me just his other girlfriends, and got me to do whatever he wanted. I could go on and on about what he said and none of it was pretty. I was devastated and my mind was completely blown away apparently nothing that this man told me was true and the notion that all this bad behavior was due to drugs was completely dispelled from my mind. I cryed hysterically for a couple of days and then I got strong again after 9 months of giving my power to this man, I started looking at MY life again and I realized that My life was in complete chaos, I had literally allowed this man to almost destroy me on all levels. I am a highly intelligent woman who owns her own home and am accomplished on many levels so this has NOTHING to do with your intelligence level. I was conned, manipulated, and beat down by a very very sick man who was very good at his craft. I have been reading all the posts here and I 100% believe that ANY additional contact with this man could prove fatal. I know that sounds dramatic but I don't believe he would have stopped until I was dead or he owned all my assets. I am tempted to write and tell him what I found out so he knows I am not as naive as he suspected but that would be contact and I will not have any dealing with him again. I will do whatever it takes to make sure I don't because this is about survival now. This is about healing, recovering, and eventually being there for others who are still stuck in this living nightmare from hell. I am not over this as quickly as it sounds, I did take him back when I wanted him out, I have written dozens of long letters to him, which I do not send, to help me get out my feelings. I have received many prayers from my church, and many people have helped me with my house. The bottom line is that EVERYTHING changed after a relatively short period and I spent months trying to GET things to be the way they were in the beginning and that was NEVER going to happen, it only kept getting worse. One of the most difficult aspects of this thing for me was the fact that he seemed to have convinced the judge, PO, and others that he did very little of this and that I was exaggerating the situation and that hurt, not to be believed when you are treated like this and then feel victimized all over again. There is nothing I can do about that, these people will have to find out for themselves when he reoffends and he will. All I can say is: get out, don't look back, and run as fast as you can and take as much time as you need to heal they will not change. They cannot change, and they do not want to change no matter what they say. I don't believe there is a CURE for this soul sickness. These are the words I will remember if I ever get tempted again. I'll take the stable, less exciting, boring, honest, man over this any day of the week NOW that I know.
For additonal support, to join one of Goldie's Support Groups, or to speak with Goldie directly, http://www.lisaescott.com/blog/goldie