Love vs Hate

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Jun 9 - 7AM (Reply to #12)
ewa
ewa's picture

what is hate

Hate i think is you wish the person the worst for example that he dies. I do not wish my N worst. I hope he will do as good as possible as long as he is far away from me. Maybe i only hate what he did to me, but partially i have allowed so should also blame myself for what happened to me. Of course he had no right to do it, and there is not excuse for this what he did. I found definition of hate which is slightly different: 1 a : intense hostility and aversion usually deriving from fear, anger, or sense of injury b : extreme dislike or antipathy : loathing 2 : an object of hatred
Jun 9 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

SENSE OF INJURY

yes...it's perfectly natural to HATE someone who has injured you or someone you love.....
Jun 9 - 9AM (Reply to #13)
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

if that is hate, then I

if that is hate, then I guess I don't/didn't hate him. I could only wish death on someone if they harmed my child/family/friends. I only wished him to get better, but I've known for a long time that will never happen. I was told he called me evil on a website and that made me sad because I have no idea why........ I don't even hate the woman who was right after me despite her trying to invade my life over and over again. i am sure it is the influence of him and insecurity that makes her do things. Then when I confronted her, she turned things around on me. I have reason to hate him but that is just too strong a word for me. I do hate what he does and what he did to me. I hate what he is doing to his wife and kids. I hate how he used me and our past to get what he wanted. I blamed myself for a long time and have worked hard the past year to forgive myself and I have. I know that everything I felt, said and did every time we were together was real and there is nothing wrong with me. So anyway, at least I am indifferent now to who he is with at the moment whoever that may be. That no longer bothers me. I did break NC recently to tell him he was dead to me hoping that he would stop trying to get to me. I know I shoudn't have. I had hopes it would make him stop trying. I have since told some friends to not tell me what he posts about me, and they don't. I am feeling quite peaceful lately and am doing many positive things for myself! My relationships with others have grown so much too. It's brought me a lot closer to certain people and it feels good. Wow, don't know where all that came from. Thanks for listening :)
Jun 9 - 9AM (Reply to #14)
ewa
ewa's picture

hate

I do not really think that hate can actually help us. Is good to be angry and then next stage should be moving to "I do not care" . I think, and this is only my opinion that as long as this bad feelings are inside us we did not move on. Once we will feel that we don't care we will also forget them..hopefully!
Jun 9 - 10AM (Reply to #15)
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

I agree ewa. It is a

I agree ewa. It is a process and takes time though, and will be different for everyone. I know I got to the point of exhaustion with the anger and that's when I started to turn things around. Besides leaving the narc, it was the best move to make. I am not angry like I used to be. I am grateful for each new day and choose to celebrate life. When I think of how I was a year ago and how I am now.......unbelievable. So many women on here have had a much worse experience than me.....things I can't even imagine, but I was still affected. All I can say is that I'm at a good, peaceful place now. I can't say to myself I forgive him....yet. Still working on that one....for ME and no one else. Jennyxoxo
Jun 9 - 6AM
passionatebutterfly
passionatebutterfly's picture

I agree the opposite of love

I agree the opposite of love is hate, and that it's ok to hate when it helps you to heal.....it did help me move forward. BUT, and this is just my opinion, and what has happened with me......it's not good to hold onto that hate. It holds you back from living a happy life. It does eventually drag you down over time. Personally, I don't want to live that way. I am on the path to forgiveness and that is only because I don't want to live with hate. I've learned that forgiveness isn't telling the person that it's ok what you did to me and you can be back in my life......NEVER......it means you are not holding on to the anger and it (and the person) aren't controlling your emotions anymore. I'm not 100% there yet, but i believe I will be someday. I am not saying this is for everyone and we've all been betrayed on different levels. I expect i may get slammed for this, it's just my path
Jun 9 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Opposite of Love

http://www.lisaescott.com/2010/03/05/opposite-love-not-hatred http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/11/it-wrong-hate ~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching Specifically for Victims of Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 12 - 8PM (Reply to #3)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

No one has mentioned the word "Stupid" yet...

I have read these threads about love and hate and agree with a lot of what I read. But no one has mentioned the word "stupid". And I think that Narcs are stupid. They are so into themselves and their BS games that they don't see the amazing women they have in front of them. My narc, I do hate him most of the times, but I hate him for being...STUPID. I was the best thing in his life. He went around chasing OW who were no where near the level of person I was. That was stupid. He D&D'd me and kept running off with bimbos. Stupid. I did everything for him, but he needed to f around with bimbos. Stupid. So, I hate my Narc because.... he was stupid. :-)
Jun 13 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Definitely stupid

My ex-N was stupid in alienating his students (such as myself) Had he been honest about his girlfriend in LA, I would've been able to wish him well, and move on. But nooo... he gave the impression of being interested in me (even after she had been revealed) He sabotaged what could've been a good friendship. He lost all credibility and trust in my eyes. It's stupid to emotionally abuse one's students, and alienate people who consider you their friends, and treat them like objects. It's stupid to treat people like objects, because they're not. After I graduated, I'm pretty sure he tried to ruin me professionally, claiming I was "dangerous to children"... this was coming from a former teacher... how STUPID is that... Immature game-playing with people's emotions... how STUPID is that... As his former student, I could've said,"Mr.So-and-So is a great professor, very intelligent and wise, etc" but no, now I say,"He's a total jerk."
Jun 13 - 7AM (Reply to #8)
enoughalready
enoughalready's picture

ACgirl

You made me laugh so hard this morning. I agree, they are stupid. Mine was definitely stupid and I was stupid for 5 yrs for being w/ him. He will never change but I'm glad I did! And yes, we are just a piece of furniture...lol.
Jun 12 - 11PM (Reply to #6)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

ACgirl

sweetie - they don't recognize us as PEOPLE to them we're the same a chair or lamp or fork... ~~~~~~~~~ My Blog: Free Information for Abuse Victims Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Jun 12 - 11PM (Reply to #7)
ACgirl
ACgirl's picture

You are so right Barbara, I

You are so right Barbara, I guess I never thought of it that way, but it's true. So, to them, we are just living room furniture. One night they want to sit on the big green chair, the next night, they go for the couch, then maybe another night, it's the ottoman. They don't hem and haw and go...."gee I hope the green chair doesn't feel bad when I sit my ass on the ottoman." I wish I would have known all this last year. I would have done things all differently. Well, at least I know now. :-)
Jun 12 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
happydaysahead
happydaysahead's picture

So ACgirl

Do I understand you correctly, your N is stupid ?? :) Only kidding. I definitely agree !! They are stupid and yes they did have good women that they thru under the bus to go and be with the loser OW !! It is almost insulting to me when I think about what he left me for and let me emphasize WHAT he left me for !! Am I bitter ?? You bet !! Should I be ?? Probably not !! But dammit, at least when you buy a new car you trade UP most of the time, don't you ??
Jun 13 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
AnotherPath
AnotherPath's picture

happydaysahead

I don't think they can trade up, only downwards, because as they get older and uglier they have less options available.

Ending the dance