Hi, I am coming from Europe so my English is not that well. But I would like to ask you guys for help in understanding if my Ex is a N. We have been in the relationship for almost 3 years. And believe me that this was not easy years for me. In the end of this relationship I found myself getting sick every month. So I have spent lots of time in the bad with the temperature. Generally in this relationship he made me believe that I am the guilty one and negative one and his is the happiest guy in the world as he has good job, nice hobby , friends and me. My XN is 15 years older than me, he was never married, twice engaged. During this relationship we had plenty of good times too. We have traveled a lot but so far I can remember there was always something which I made wrong what would make him angry. Basically I was asking to many questions. Especially when I felt sth was not good and I wanted to feel I know what is going on. After the first year of our relationship I found out he has been cheating on me with 3 girls. One 20 years younger than him, 10 years younger and one his age. I found out about it because I was simply spying on him after I got suspicious because he was getting so many sms from different women and so many strange call phones. I know I should not spy but I wanted be sure that I can trust him, while I had this suspicions. Finally he has chosen the youngest one and rejected the others. Explaining me that he found out that he loves me but we canâ€™t be together and he had to find a next person for himself. I know if I didnâ€™t find out of her he would keep her secret and never left me. After two months he came back saying that he wants to be with me again as he saw how much I have loved him. I took him back. Then I found out the young girl got pregnant and married to another man. But I could again start breathing easily and was happy that I got my love back â€“ stupid me. During this â€œhappyâ€ time said he will marry me only if I have kid with him, because if I couldnâ€™t then he would divorce me. Yes, yes I know what you think I should have left immediately after I heard it but I couldnâ€™t. But I was not really sure that I want to marry him at this point so I just stayed. We have moved in together. However I had the feeling that we spent together less time then before. He was always at the gym, learning foreign language, playing xbox ect. Whenever I wanted him to speak with him he was saying that he is busy. I thought maybe I am pushing to much so have stepped back and start to do stuff on my own like watching movies or seeing my friends to let him have some time for himself like he wanted me to. Unfortunately he said that I do nothing but watching movies and not investing time to develop myself. I have to say here that I work very hard in big company and have good job too, and after work during weekdays am so tired that I donâ€™t really feel like learning etc..I just want to relax. Of course flirts didnâ€™t finish. During his birthday he left me sick at home and he went to the language class promising he will be back with the medicine from the drug store. He left at 3 pm and he came back at 9, without informing me that he will be late because he wanted to meet his female friend who is leaving the country. He didnâ€™t find the fact that it was his birthday nothing special. He said is his birthday and he will do whatever he wants to do. Once he has confessed that he will be flirting with women even if he is dying in the hospital. Anyway time was going and in the end of this year I have found out he started to meet 2 of the girls he cheated on me before ( the married stopped being with her husband so he was meeting her) When I found out I told him I am breaking up with him and moving out. I had had enough. He said: Donâ€™t do it I love you. But when I gave him proves about I know what was going on he started to blame me and telling me that he doesnâ€™t want to be with me because I spy on him. Till I have moved out apart of silent treatment I was called psycho, bitch and I had to listen to the conversations with him and his new gf.
Recently after few months he wrote me that he was missing the good time we had together for a long time now. I knew about Narcissism by this time so I wrote him that this what he writes to me means that he is empty and sad person , that the only thing I ask him is not to contact me again and forget about me like I have forgotten him ( of course I did not forget him). He got angry and wrote me that every day he is thanking the God that he has sent me to hell. Again making it look like it was him to break up.
There was many different points which I could describe which were very strange to me during this relationship but it would take me a book to describe it. Many times I felt like I was the worse gf in the world. Many times I felt like he doesnâ€™t care of my feelings.
Do you think he is a Narcissist I want to be sure is not only my subjective opinion?