AmusedAtThisPoint's story

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#1 May 29 - 6PM
AmusedAtThisPoint
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AmusedAtThisPoint's story

Hi, everyone:

I've read this site for the past few months. I had a 13 year relationship with a major-ass narcissist (this dude wrote the description!) but I got over it several years ago. I did a no-contact thing for a few months until I could evict him from living rent free in my head and then we sort of resumed sporadic communications (we live 1000 miles apart now and I truly and honestly don't care about him anymore other than for amusement). To be completely honest, he did not hurt me that much because I discovered the NPD information 3 years into the relationship and understood what I was dealing with at that point. And in the interest of complete disclosure, I'm fairly narcissistic myself and kind of enjoy playing the chess game with him. He considers me superior to him intellectually and I make him "perform" before I will give positive feedback.

Okay. We had an email address we kind of shared for business purposes. I checked it this week and lo and behold! I find out that he's been conducting a "relationship" with a new woman and boy is he giving her the run around! It's sick! He's saying the EXACT same things to her he said to me 13 years ago! It's like he was frozen in time! I was fascinated.

Anyway after what appears to be about a 3-4 week period of idealization, this poor woman made the dreadful mistake of saying someting in jest that he found insulting and he just slammed the door on her. Silent treatment, won't respond to emails and texts, etc., reducing her to groveling. It took him about a year to pull that crap with me. And only a couple of days ago, he was acting as if she were in complete control over the direction of the relationship (which we all know is BS). She had the reins yanked out of her hands. Ouch! I know where this is going now. Either she'll wise up and get the heck out (she's in therapy so hopefully her therapist will tell her to get out of this before it really gets hurtful) or she'll become a codependent asking for punishment which he will happily deliver. And all this in only 4 weeks from the first meeting.

I thought this story would be instructive and encouraging for those of you who are grieving and obsessing over another woman being involved with your narc. As the article on the site says, the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. So so true! The new woman does not get better treatment than you did. She gets the same treatment you did.

May 31 - 11PM
Lisa E. Scott
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Amused

"Enjoy playing the chess game" with him, huh? Be careful, in my opinion, you are "playing with fire" and we all know what happens when we play with fire. Just my two cents. Big Hugs, Lisa
May 30 - 10PM
TexN (not verified)
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Amused

Thanks for sharing... :)
May 29 - 10PM
Introspection
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Welcome amused..,.

how do you make him "perform" to earn positive feedback?
May 29 - 7PM
Barbara (not verified)
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AmusedatthisPoint

first you should be TOTAL NC - this amusement thing is sick second - you or anyone else can NOT be codependent with a Narcissist. At all. Ever. Codependency in abusive relationships IS A MYTH. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 29 - 7PM (Reply to #2)
AmusedAtThisPoint
AmusedAtThisPoint's picture

wasn't looking for advice/merely sharing a story of interest

to the group. I am not in any distress at all. Could care less if the narc lives or dies. Thanks anyway.
May 29 - 10PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

AmusedAtThisPoint

fine... you're not in any distress. This isn't advice - this is a statement: you're still creating a sick situation by still yanking his strings or having contact for your amusement. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 30 - 6AM (Reply to #4)
AmusedAtThisPoint
AmusedAtThisPoint's picture

acknowledged

Lot of judgment there though. "Sick" is a relative term. I said I was also fairly narcissistic myself although I do have some empathy where it is warranted.
May 30 - 12PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

then...

why would you post something like that on a support board and not expect or get defensive about comment? ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 30 - 3PM (Reply to #6)
AmusedAtThisPoint
AmusedAtThisPoint's picture

not a professional victim

I guess that's the reason. At some point, a person has to get over this and move on. Rather harsh judgments meted out here. No matter. It's all good.
May 30 - 7PM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

interesting

I never said anything about a 'professional victim' interesting how when someone doesn't like the truth, they call the messenger "harsh." ;) ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller