Lucy's story

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#1 May 23 - 2PM
Lucy
Lucy's picture

Lucy's story

I have been married for 19 yrs.- I am just realizing (over the past year) that my marriage is a complete joke. I have been reading all weekend about this disorder and I just can't believe my eyes. It's like someone has been living with us and is now writing about it. My husband and youngest son are out of town at a baseball tournament-he of course has been texting me non stop so he knows what I'm doing. Last night he sent me these pic of a funny saying on a shirt and I made a funny comment back that he took out of context and twisted and then spent the rest of the night calling me terrible names and ended up telling me he just wanted it to be over. He said some really ugly things to me-about me. This morning when he started texting me I didn't respond to the first two and he waited about thirty minutes then all the threats come flying in...."I will be home later today and you are going to be so sorry you didn't respond" that type thing. Finally ended up threatening to turn off my phone (we have a seventeen yr old) so he knows I NEED my phone in case our son needs me-or my elderly mother. So I had to reply-he then tells me I brought all those terrible things he said to me on MYSELF!! Oh my gosh!! Then told me I also brought on the fact that he was leaving on MYSELF!! He threatens to leave all the time-so I don't know if he will or not..but he said I would be so screwed---he is basically right. I'm just so shocked by all this. Just over a comment that I made-then by not responding this morning. But I told him... "who would want to after the things you said to me last night". I'm sorry this is so long. I have no one to talk to about him and I feel like I'm going crazy. So now I'm in the panic mode because he will be back in a few hours and I don't know what will happen.

Jun 7 - 6AM
agnesmurphy17
agnesmurphy17's picture

Sounds Familiar

Yep. Mine did the same things. Well, you are MARRIED! And for 19 years. With a 17 year old DEPENDENT child. You get CHILD SUPPORT & the house for the child's security (might be sold later as a marital asset). You are right on the edge here with a 17 year old. Get what you can for yourself & the child. Nobody should live like this. If you want to leave this man, now is the time to plan your escape. See several divorce lawyers. The first interview is free. Decide which one you like best. Plan for your future & then execute the plan. This man will never leave until he has something better than you. The "harangue" is the point for him. I was married 2 1/2 years. After 5 months of marriage, he began demanding a divorce once a month, then the frequenct increased. His wedding ring was returned to me about 15x. When I told him I was leaving, he was DEVASTATED (so he said). Even explained that the ONE TIME I responded to his question truthfully whether or not I was thinking of leaving -- THAT was a STAB IN THE BACK & was more painful than the 36+ times he demanded a divorce & the 15+ times he returned his wedding ring. Oh, & he said he didn't really want a divorce, he didn't mean what he said all those times. So much for my pain--that didn't matter at all to him. I forced him to demand a divorce. Don't expect rationality from these men. Also, do not leave him in the house. You will get nothing. If he is physically abusive, get an RO. If he puts you in fear of substantial harm, even a push is subtantial harm, get an RO. Touching you, pushing you, is an assault & battery. Do not minimize for him. Do not let your attachment or sentimentality over 19 years hold you back. He will destroy you. And, perhaps this man will discard you when your son is off at college, or thereafter. His only feeling for you is to control you & the services he gets in the house. Sorry to be so harsh. But I see it in your story. That's my opinion.
May 23 - 11PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome Lucy

- PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. PLEASE do this BEFORE asking questions. - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. - PLEASE read through our WHOLE blog: http://www.lisaescott.com/blog - chock full of articles about Ns and healing. It will answer many questions before you ask them. PLEASE read the Rules prior to posting. Thanks - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim Remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going if you feel the need for whatever level of PTSD he's given you ASAP! Find a lawyer - make a plan and GET OUT! remember: YOU did nothing ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 23 - 3PM
smileyfacepr
smileyfacepr's picture

Is he violent??

Lucy, Is he violent, physical?? They all play that blame game..do not fall for it..if u r scared of him either call the police and if he is just verbally and emotionally abusive..keep ur cool, dont respond and find a way out..make a plan to get out. No one should be HOME in fear or nervous HOME is where we should feel our safest!! We r here for u!! smileyfacepr

smileyfacepr

May 23 - 2PM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

Oh Lucy , what a horrible

Oh Lucy , what a horrible thing this man is doing to you . The blame thing is all they use "it wasnt me " or "you brought it on your self " its BS but it is good that you recognise it to be so . Try and keep calm , stay with us here and we will try and help you with advice . Big love to you and welcome to the board . Scoop x