"Bipolar Life" After the Narc

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#1 May 21, 2010 - 10:38am
hitandrun's picture

"Bipolar Life" After the Narc

When I say "bipolar life" I mean one day I seem to be hopeful and productive and the next day I am in hell.

Yesterday was a really good day...the first since he erased me(almost 3 months ago). Finally, hope that I will make it, but it will take time. Seems like the new meds might be helping.
Then...BAMMM...I woke up weepy and with the dry heaves. Canceled a lunch with a friend 'cause I just cannot deal with people today and he's running around in my brain again.
Crying, too.

Is this how it goes? One good day, one bad? I know life is like this in general, but this is absurd.

Has anyone else experienced this?

May 21, 2010 - 4:09pm
helldweller's picture

good days bad days

A ton of bricks is what NC feels like. I always imagined that, when the N died, his brothers wouldn't tell me. I'd have to read about it in the paper because I was always an outsider, even after four years together. I feel like that now. He's dead and gone, though quite alive just two doors away, and no one even recognizes that it's incredibly painful. I asked his brothers to let me know the status of things (I made a police report a week ago after a physical confrontation), but they just ignore me, though I was the victim. These were the men I considered my brothers and who my daughters considered their uncles, the N their stepfather. My only concern, as I told them, was for the N to be made to go to counseling WITH ME, just once, to tell the story to a professional. They don't care. He isn't wrong; he isn't sick; they are just pissed because I threatened his job. We are non-people to them. Just protect the job, that's it. It hurts like hell. I have to go to work in two hours and give tours of the city. To be happy and smart and cordial. I would rather die. I can still barely stand up from the pain after the fight. I cry on and off all day.
May 21, 2010 - 4:50pm (Reply to #4)
hitandrun's picture


What a jackass!!!! And his brothers are no better.Wonder when this Humpty-Dumpty will fall off his wall? I wish I could move you away from him myself...him living so close must be torture. And then to have it effect your daughters. If we could catch all our tears in a barrel, we'd probably have enough water to run our whole house for a year. Lots of love to you. You are not alone in this. I now believe in evil. But we must remember there is also good out there,too(and I'm not talking about good men, but benevolence itself.) Keep the faith.
May 21, 2010 - 11:01am
betty2020's picture

are you talking about me???lol

I can so identify with you hitandrun. I too am 3 months out and experiencing a roller coaster of emotions. Im on a double dose of prozac now and have better days than before but still not right. I have locked myself in my home when i should be out seeking employment. I cant stay focused and i forget everything. I moved to my home town 2 hrs away when i left him. I have been working on a remodel project in my home so i can sell it and leave the state. I have completed this project now but still cant seem to focus on my life outside of this person. My moods vary minute to minute and driven mostly by fear of the unknown, my health, my sanity and him. Will i ever be the person i once was again? How do i get myself back? With all this damage its hard to imagine recovery. And even with recovery what kind of person will this leave me? My views on humanity have now been so tainted. Moving forward is all i know. One second at a time and one breath at a time. I really think only time and knowledge of the truth with help me come to a better place. Good luck and im here for you.....

only one way to go...Forward (tm?)

May 21, 2010 - 11:26am (Reply to #2)
hitandrun's picture

Similar Tale

I hear you. I just wanna be by myself.Can't focus on much of anything. Went on an interview last week...what a joke. I'm just not right : ) Still going through, was he a narc, commitmentphobe, sociopath, alcoholic, or all of them! Or did he just fall out of love with me? Some days I am convinced he is truly disturbed. God knows I am now! Know that I am here for you,too. Keep the faith.