betty2020's story

I was a student in the fall of 2007 in Illinois. At this time my son was living in Maryland with his father. I was living at my cousins house and renting my home out to supplement income while I was in school. I was single and decided to go on the dating site Plenty of Fish. In February 2008 I met a man that I thought was the man of my dreams. He is 41. He seemed to be stable, loving, caring and attentive. Things moved rather quickly with us and he was living in a townhouse close to school at the time. The first time I came to his house he had no furniture. Only a computer on the floor and a mattress. Found it odd but over looked it. I began to spend more time with him and within two months he asked me to move in with him. Things moved very fast. At first our relationship was great. I was still attending school and he was still very respectful, loving and caring of me and our relationship. He had some issues that I knew of and he seemed to be open and honest with me so I put all trust in him. He told me he was married for 10 years and his ex got pregnant by the neighbor and that was the reason for the split. They had two boys together ages 14 and 16 at the time. He didn’t seem to spend much time with them and it appeared that he was somewhat distant with his sons. This was something I was hoping to change as I felt bad for the boys and him missing out at such an important time in their lives. After his divorce from the first wife he met a woman that was a Budweiser girl. She became pregnant with his 3rd child. He was with her for 7 years according to his story.
When he and I began dating he was having a lot of problems with this ex girlfriend. She was always starting drama between us and it appeared he refused to cut ties with her completely. He always kept the door open and I felt he liked the drama. I knew he was troubled. I knew that he had skeletons but I felt that he was making an honest effort to get his life together and had an interest in a future for us so I stayed with him.
In 2007 he got in trouble with the police for contacting someone off craigslist; meeting her in hopes of sex; providing her with drugs. She was an undercover police officer and this was a sting operation. He was convicted on felony charges and put on probation. At the time he was very convincing that this was all just a set up and this was not his true nature. Of course I believed him. Some time had passed and he became very controlling and manipulative. He never wanted to leave the house or have friends in our lives. I was a prisoner in our home. I believe today that I became brainwashed by him and under his control. He didn’t like my friends or family. He would get upset if I was 5 minutes late, didn’t answer my phone, or not where I said I was. He was extremely overly possessive and controlling. I fell deeper into the trap. I felt I loved him so did my best to please him. He was always number one in the equation. He then started to become emotionally and verbally abusive to me. He would put me down and make me feel like he was better than myself and my family. He would twist my words around and made me think I was crazy. Still he would mix this up with times of being very loving and wanting of our relationship. Hot and Cold. I was always in a state of confusion with him. I became distant to my family and friends under his control. Depression had set in.
He had a few friends but none that he wanted me to be around. He was always a loner and recluse to society. I found this a bit odd but again let the signs pass right by me because I loved him. We eventually stopped going out and stayed in his apartment all the time. Laying in bed, watching tv and having sex. About 9 months into the relationship our sex life began to change. He became more distant towards me. He became less caring and affectionate and more controlling and manipulative. My family was becoming concerned for me and that there was something not right in this relationship. We began to have arguments and I would leave for the weekend and eventually return to him. We had several breakups due to his emotional abuse but I would always be convinced that he was sorry and it would not be like that anymore. I was so in love with him that I wanted to believe him. My heart ached without him so I would return only to receive more emotional and verbal abuse within a few weeks of my return.
I knew that he enjoyed smoking pot and doing Cocaine. The pot was daily but Cocaine was usually on Fridays when he got paid. He was on probation for his felony charge and had to be careful with his actions so he would stop smoking pot 30 prior to seeing his probation officer so his drop test would be clean. He had obsessions with internet porn and the internet in general but I am sure he is a sex addict.
In April of 2009 his ex wife was ill with a brain tumor. He took over custody of the two boys. I welcomed them as my own children. We knew the townhouse wouldn’t work because my son came back from Baltimore to live with me as well so we began looking for a home to rent. My ex worked as a superintendent in Illinois so we decided to move out closer to his work. He had a former client that was renting a home so we took the house. I knew things weren’t right in our relationship at this point. He was still distant and disrespectful but I stayed thinking it would get better when we moved because there would be less stress on him.
In May of 2009 we got into a fight and I went back to my home town for the weekend. When I returned I found pictures that he had taken of himself on his cell phone. One was with his pants unbuttoned and one with him trying to look sexy in my sons shirt. This was the beginning of everything. I became very suspicious and confronted him. He made up some dumb excuse and I fell for it once again but I began to keep a close eye on him.
I obtained all his passwords to his accounts as a condition for me to stay with him. I wanted so desperately to believe everything he was telling me although in my gut I knew it was all lies. I looked at his email account and found emails that were sent to women on craigslist for sexual encounters. I was so devastated that I deleted everything in hopes it would all go away. It only got worse. I started looking at his work phone. I found text messages sent from prostitutes regarding French lessons. I didn’t even know what that meant at the time. I called back the number of the girl who left the text and surprisingly found that she would actually talk to me. She stated that yes she did meet with him. I was completely destroyed. I worked at the local College and broke down in front of my boss. I had no friends in the area and spoke to my boss about the matter. I then looked at his bank statements and found charges to the holiday inn. I had my proof that this man was in fact seeing prostitutes. Once again he gave me the same old lame excuses. I didn’t by it this time and decided to move out. I got my own apartment. After a short time I fell back in and we began talking again. He promised me that he would change. He promised me that he would seek counseling. He promised me with a ring and beautiful letter he wrote that he would never hurt me again. He promised the world but in the end but the world he gave me was pure hell.
I have always pride myself in the fact that I am an intelligent woman. That I have a very strong sixth sense and intuition about people and that I could never be taken for a fool. How wrong I was. I moved out of his house on June 1st 2009. He came to my job at the college I was working at and threatened to call the police and report me as a missing person if I did not speak to him. I was fired two weeks later. I moved back to my home town for a while to clear my head from all that had happened up to this point. He and I continued to talk and after some time and more brainwashing I returned to him with my son for the final run. I moved back in with him on October 7th 2009.
At first everything was like when we first met. Loving, caring, charming, and attentive, everything I wanted in our relationship. Within a month or so things began to change again.
I use to call him the Meer Cat. I knew when things weren’t right with him because he would have a frightened sense about him. It was like he always was looking over his shoulder just waiting to be caught and eaten. He was so hot and cold it was frightening. So now I was determined to find out who this man really was that I spent the last two years of my life with. The man I slept with, ate with, took care of his house and children. I knew it wasn’t going to be good what I found but for sanities sake had to devote my time to finding out the real truth of what I was involved in.
So this is what I did:
I monitored phone messages, email, internet usage, phone records and installed a GPS tracking device. Over the course of the next few months I watched everything. Every word he spoke, every action he took. My eyes were wide open even during sleep.
In December he began receiving responses from craigslist hookers again. He attempted to give me excuses but this time I wasn’t biting. I knew he was involved in something serious but still wanted to find out everything before I left because I felt that there was so much more to this guy that I knew in my gut was of criminal nature. So I laid low, I Kept things as quiet as I could till I found out the truth. He was still verbally and emotionally abused me. Hot and cold. He purchased a lock pic set off the internet and told me something big would be coming down. He would not tell me anything else. He would work on our front door to master his skills. I thought it was strange. I watched his GPS and found him going to strange locations that were not part of his daily job activities. He had the freedom to drive around all day to different job sites but there were times that they were in locations out of the areas he was servicing. Driving sometimes long distances to sit in gas station parking lots, going to McDonalds at 12am on a Sunday night that was 20 miles from his home and staying for 15 minutes then back to his home. Trips back and forth from a dealer that he would get drugs from. He began to come home later. Leave a little earlier and meet people after work for odd jobs or at bars. His drug use increased. Our sex life decrease and was very cold and chore like. He began using cocaine during the work week. I began seeing websites from Russian sex slave sites and one from Asian sex sites regarding young girls. He became more distant and withdrawn. He became more disrespectful and uncaring. More emails came in from very young hookers so I felt it would be best to leave out of fear for my health and safety for myself and my son. I knew I still had access to all his accounts and passwords so I would monitor the situation from the outside to try to figure more out. On my birthday he made me a steak dinner and bought me roses. He barely looked at me once through the entire meal, spoke only a few words and they were disrespectful and demeaning. I came into the house on February 24th 2010 while he was at work, removed all my items, threw the roses in the garbage. He was there watching me. I opened a small safe that belonged to me that I kept jewelry in and found stacks of money. This is a man that lives paycheck to paycheck. He is way over extended on his financial obligations. I removed the money , sat it on the shelf and left the home.
A few days after I left he opened a myspace account. He opened a yahoo personals account. He opened a plenty of fish account, horny matches account, adult friend finders account. All normal to start dating again but this just wasn’t right. His GPS showed him at different apartment complexes and strange locations that he and I had never been to before. He would sit in gas station parking lots and business parking lots for extended periods of time. I watched closely all the activities. On his myspace I began seeing friends added from very young girls that were very provocative and barely dressed if not naked. I only had access to his top 6 friends on myspace as he had his profile set to private. Most looked between 20 to 27 years of age except number 3 on his list. She was one of his first contacts. He joined a few groups that were on myspace. I opened a myspace account and friended him to see if there were other girls that looked very young. I noticed he joined sex slave Wednesdays and 2 other sex slave/bondage groups. He had a picture of a woman painted yellow it appeared to have some bondage qualitys to it on his pics. This was so dark I could have never imagined this to be true as there was never any indication to this sexual behavior in the past. As all this was unfolding my two cousins Theresa and Patricia were there witnessing the whole thing and in a complete state of shock.
One girl stood out to me #3. I opened her profile that was named “freak on a leash” She was a little girl that appeared to be 13 to 16 years of age. I became so alarmed that I knew I needed to get to the bottom of what he was doing. She looked like a troubled teen. A gothic type girl with piercings and extremely young. I turned my attention to this because I knew he was scouting young girls but never would I have imagined it would be children. I had to find out if she was indeed talking to him or if this was just a request and nothing more. I made up a fake profile on myspace only this time posing as a man and as a monitor for myspace. I saw that they were online at the same time. I sent her an email and asked if she had been contacted by this user. She responded Yes. I asked her how old she was and she ignored me. She asked what I wanted and I told her that I was a monitoring service for the state of Illinois county of Dupage and we monitor convicted felons for suspicious activity on myspace. I then asked her age again. She ignored me. I asked if he had tried to arrange a meeting with her. She stated yes. She stated she had his phone number and would I like it? I said yes and asked her age again. She replied with a number that was missing the last digit. There was a pause and she said she wouldn’t give out the number and that she knew everything there was to know about him and he would never hurt her. I asked her age again and she ignored me. Just then he instant messaged in to me and said “ I will find out who the fuck this is and you will pay for this big time J/N. My initials. He suspected it was me. I ended the conversation at that point.
I was so sick and utterly panicked by what I was witnessing . I really could not believe what I was seeing. Little girls. Children. A child predator. So I turned my attention to his phone. I knew I still had the password if he didn’t change it. Within a few days I retrieved voice messages. It was the little girl. She stated her name and said that she still was wearing his necklace and if he wanted it he should come get her. She needed a ride. She said she would be staying at her friend Dannys that night but for him to pick her up and she would be up and ready by 4pm. I was floored. He was with this little girl. There was also another voice mail from his friend. This is a person he would try to do drug deals with. And yet another voice message regarding buying a puppy. A PUPPY? We just bought Baily our dog 8 months ago and I knew his stance on another dog. He would not buy another dog. I looked at her facebook and it appears most of her friends are graduating 2011 and 2013. Now it is April 20th 2010. It has been 4 weeks since I listened to her on his phone and had contact with her on myspace. My cousin had a doctor’s appointment in the area and decided to stop by our old house on Cumnor. She approached the door. She knocked and someone was in the house and trying to get the dog to stop barking. It was a young girl. She wouldn’t open the door. I cannot confirm the girl in the home that day as I was not witness to it personally. I do believe my cousin however. I was panicked. I contacted a detective immediately.
I spoke to his ex wife Lisa on April 21st 2010. She was concerned for the safety of the boys in the house. She asked me to tell her everything I know but I just can’t get involved so I told her that when school is out it would be best if they move back home with her. I did tell her a minor was involved and that he was up to some pretty bad things. She asked if he was dealing drugs again. She told me the reason she left him was because of drug dealing and internet. She stated that he would spend hours on the computer and spent no time with his family. She would try to initiate sex and he had no interest. No surprise just another repeat of my situation. They do repeat patterns. I read some of these profile on his Fling and Xmatch. Shocking! “looking for a young submissive girl that likes the idea of being owned”? Who the hell is this person?????
This has been the most difficult time of my life. This story sounds crazy and the fact that I am obsessed in knowing that he is holding captive young girls for his sexual gratification. No one that understands what it feels like to have lived with a narcissist, a child predator and not see the signs or have any knowledge of who he really was. The pain I have been through and that my son has been through is unimaginable. I am in limbo. My life on hold till justice is served on this person.
I made the choice to come forward to the Sherrifs office and give all information I have. He confirmed that she was 16 years of age and a special ed student at a local high school.and has previous history of seeing older men. The detective did some investigation and verified much of the information I gave him to be true. It is pending still to this day. The detective told me that he wants the computer but cannot get a court order because there is not enough evidence to get the judge to agree. DCFS is involved but they are moving slow on this case and could possibly decide not to investigate at all. So we are at a stand still now or until the girl comes clean. The more time that passes the increase chance that all evidence will be destroyed . It makes me so sick to my stomach that I was sleeping with a child molester. I feel so dirty and now I take 3 showers a day. I cant get clean.
I have absolutely no interest in Daves girlfriends or who he sees at this point. I left him, I wanted out of the craziness. I only have interest now in his criminal behavior. I really had no idea that this was the man I was in love with. I am so concerned that this man will walk off this charge. He will be free to roam and target more children. Easy targets the weak and innocent. I have done everything I could possibly do to tell all of what I know. It is as if I am the crazy person in this. Even though if they could have confiscated his computer, phone records, bank statements and did surveillance on him, I’m sure it would have all been there. All the evidence. I believe the system has failed our children. Meanwhile the narcissist roams. Trolling the internet for more victims.
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........funny thing.
I have never seen a Borderline do any lasting harm to anyone, though I
have seen them blamed for a lot they didn't do, and a lot that never
happened.

Yet I have frequently seen psycho/narcissistic personality types torture or
stifle real human beings by millimeters.

I look now at my life, the life that never happened.
The narcissists is gone, safe at last.
My physical health is broken past recovery, in tiny little day to day ways.
I never had time, or a reason to take care of it, or learn how.

I love and am loved in a way I trust as surely as the ground beneath my
feet.......
But there is nothing inside me that even feels entitled to survival.
I lived in an isolated in a psycho/narcissistic environment, where to care
about anything except you was a mental illness, where "truth" was
whatever he wanted it to be, not sometimes, not under pressure, but as a way of life.

The only people and behaviors I had a chance to be familiar with are
psycho/narcissistic, and constantly destructive.
A world of lies that exists only in two polyester dimensions.
Where nothing tells the truth reliably, not even the clocks.

I have escaped at last, but everything outside is so unfamiliar to me,
alien, I don't even know the basics, everything I have to deal with is a
massive undertaking. I will never be able to function normally, or
comfortably. Not even on the simplest levels.

Very few like me make it out alive.

I don't care about me, I'm carefully programmed not to after all.

But what of the rest?
Even the one's who lie in neglected graves, scapegoat in death, as I was
intended to be?

Literally manipulated to death.........

NO!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, lies, manipulations, concealed agenda can damage as much and as
surely as bullets and knives. It's just a lot harder to prove and prevent.

Almost impossible to contain.

I have never seen a narcissist recover, they can't, they have nothing to
gain by recovery after all, and everything to lose. They go on damaging
others, and the rationalizations get more expert over time.

And people, often the most innocent, go on getting hurt, through no fault
of their own, with very little choice in the matter.

The Narcissist will always survive, by lying, cheating, stepping on others, threats
and intimidation. The survival of the victims is not thus guaranteed.

They have priority.

But even after that, what on earth is gained by funding Narcissist to tell bigger
and better lies? Rationalize and justify themselves in new, more effective
ways and go on grinding other people into dust as usual? Because that is
ALL that would happen. What, after all, is the life of an Narcissist but one long
confidence trick? That is never benign?

Society needs to pour its funds into containing the capacity to harm of
psycho/narcissistic personality types. Before having any claim on healing, or the compassion of society, the Narcissist must first be contained (in a REAL sense) his capacity to harm