NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME...

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#1 May 14 - 6PM
Anonymous (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NEVER EVEN CALLED ME BY MY NAME...

he almost never called me by my name...and when he did....he said it like he had bitten into a shit sandwich...he'd SPIT my name at me.....
he hardly ever called me ANYTHING...part of his IGNORE HER TO DEATH INITIATIVE.....even in public, he would do anything but call me by my name......in stores and at antique shows...he used to SNAP HIS FINGERS AT ME to get my attention...or he'd scream....'hey you'.....OR....the bastard would WHISTLE FOR ME LIKE A DOG!!!.....
anytime he ever called me by my name....he was talking DOWN to me....'you're so stupid MARY...'....'i really don't care, MARY'...'i'm sorry you feel that way, MARY'....
like my name was a dirty word......

i was driving down the street today and some jerk was whistling for his dog...and i rolled down the window and screamed.....'hey...show some respect!..that dog has a NAME, you fucking asshole....USE IT'.........
i hate all men.........

May 16 - 5AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

'APPROPRIATE' behavior

mine too!!...his family was well off so he considered himself the 'gentry'....and he was CONSTANTLY going on about 'CIVILIZED BEHAVIOR'...like HE'D fucking know what was CIVILIZED behavior!!... it was CIVILIZED behavior to get drunk..... 'ALL successful businessmen DRINK, you stupid bitch'.... it was CIVILIZED to avoid any confrontation or discussion or conversation, period... 'CIVILIZED people do not argue'..... 'CIVILIZED people do not call the police' 'CIVILIZED people do not air their dirty laundry in public' 'CIVILIZED people do not discuss their family life with others'....... BASTARD............ he painted up his cold, withholding, abusive, brutal behavior as 'CIVILIZED'... he treat me like shit...then say...' you can even be CIVIL to me, you act like poor white trailer trash'...... that's the way it always was......he was the highly civilized wealthy....and i was uncivilized poor white trash......that was one of his favorite games..... “I do not bring forgiveness with me, nor forgetfulness. The only ones who can forgive are dead; the living have no right to forget." - Chaim Herzog
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #26)
helldweller
helldweller's picture

Civilized/trash

OMG! Exactly the same! Civilized people don't tell people their business. Civilized people don't involve others in their problems. Civilized people don't call the police. And yes, I was trash and my family was trash. That's why he never took me anywhere, he'd say. Because I "don't know how to act." Of course, I was fine in the beginning. Before he got his foster child, he gladly took me on his boat, for which I'd make elaborate picnics that everyone loved. Took me to parties, family dinners, etc. Everyone thought I was wonderful, delightful, beautiful, charming. That's probably why I had to go. He was given everything his whole life. His grandparents owned oil wells during the Depression. His father got him his judgeship. He never did anything for himself or got anything for himself. My mother was an award-winning school teacher for forty years, my dad a police officer, my brother a police sergeant, a naval officer and on the board of directors of a local hospital. I own my own business, have four degees and have written six books. Trash.
May 16 - 5PM (Reply to #25)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

The love of propriety

My ex-N is a professor's son;his father is a highly accomplished researcher, with numerous books to his name (including textbooks) Well... my father is a professor and a Dean of a college.. and a researcher. My ex-N couldn't exactly one-up me on that one too... But he was peeved when I said,"Your father is a professor, like mine." For some reason it sent him into Narc rage. Oddly similar upbringings. My ex-N thought he could tame me... teach me propriety... maybe he should "civilize" Amy Winehouse, since she has the same birthday as him... LOL...
May 15 - 11AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

dehumanizing..........

i have pet names for all my pets...terms of endearment....but that's not the agenda of Narcs, i don't believe they make us generic by never using our names, i think...part of their plan to makes us nothing special.......no one special....not even worthy of a name...... back when he used to put up enough of a front to give me hastily purchased greeting cards.....he would always sign them.....ME.......... so he even extended his crap to himself.....
May 15 - 11AM
Monica
Monica's picture

Geez...I call my dog (affectionately) "sweet pea!"

My xN/P always did call me by my name, or my nickname that lots of other people use, even my friends from college so it's a long time nickname. However, when the time came that I started to suspect that he had someone else on the side (never any hard evidence just a feeling), he suddenly started to call me "kid." It was very out of character. I had never heard him call anyone else other than by their name. So maybe that was a huge red flag...but I was already on my way out of that relationship, it just added to the urgency to break ties. But I hated him calling me "kid." I'm older than he is. But I look and act younger and am in much better health, lol!!! Sweet. Very sweet.
May 16 - 8PM (Reply to #22)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

My exN called another new employee "the kid"

I thought it very disrespectful that he call this guy "the kid" he was young, new in the business, called him "the kid" in a very sarcastic tone. Who can make it, with that treatment....
May 15 - 9AM
helldweller
helldweller's picture

No name

Oh, wow. The similarities about weird stuff like this is creepy. The N called me by my name once only, in four years, in a voice mail, the one week he actually seemed to be in love. "Good morning, ------, my beautiful -------" he said. Never, ever, ever again. I am "honey" and "baby" just like everyone else. I think they do it on purpose because there are so many of us and our personalities are interchangeable. It's just easier.
May 16 - 9AM (Reply to #20)
Heart
Heart's picture

Honey

This is too weird! I was called by my first name only when he was at his office and someone walked in when he was on the phone with me ( he is the President of the company) OR when he was getting angry or irrtated with me. Otherwise, I was called honey or sweetie, or, on the rare occasions that he was feeling sexual, I was called baby. There were pet names that I thought were cute at the time, but maybe were in reality very denigrating. Would someone tell me why this happens???
May 15 - 6AM
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

SWEET PEA!...

back when he was reeling me in......mine called me 'sweat pea' too!!!!!!!......and 'kitten'!....then he started not calling me anything...except 'bitch' of course.....but he couldn't call me bitch in public and maintain his facade of long suffering loving husband of a psychotic woman..... when he was dying....he started calling me 'KIDDO' there at the end...he'd never called me 'kiddo' before...so i assume he had me confused with some other victim........ bastard.........
May 15 - 6AM
macmad
macmad's picture

They do seem to have trouble using correct names.

My ex narc was the same. The six years we were together he very rarely called me by my name, I was always "Bright Eyes". Often wondered if others in his life had the same nickname, including his wife. He said he always called her "mate" because he said they were more like brother and sister or good friends. Would lay money that at some point she was called "Bright Eyes" too. he also seldom refered to himself by name, he would use a nickname and would basically say that he was different because he was ..... nickname.... therefore alowing himself to pass the blame to this other persona.
May 15 - 3AM
Scoop
Scoop's picture

How he would use my name "no

How he would use my name "no scoop you are wrong" ..."the troule with you scoop is..." Actualy thinking about it he used my name much more than most blokes i have known , he even sung songs replacing my name with the words , i took that as a sign he really loved me , you would wouldnt you some bloke singing songs using your name ...i will never understand that fucked up freak . i hate all men too .
May 15 - 10AM (Reply to #16)
neveragain5
neveragain5's picture

Scoop

Same here, would only use my name when trying to prove a point or coerce me into believing what he was saying. He only called me "Sweetie" or "Baby", otherwise. Maybe this is part of the NLP? I looked this up... "Repetition is a major rhetorical strategy for producing emphasis, clarity, amplification, or emotional effect". Like, when a salesperson calls and says your name in his/her spiel, they will insert your name numerous times for emphasis. Creeps me out every time!
May 15 - 3AM (Reply to #15)
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

Darling

urgh.....if someone calls me Darling ever again i will just puke and freak out....

Aceonelady

May 15 - 12AM
broken23
broken23's picture

aww and i thought i was the

aww and i thought i was the only honey... why are they all the same. so strange
May 15 - 1AM (Reply to #13)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

this is why they are all the same

http://www.lisaescott.com/2009/12/01/predictability-pathology ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 14 - 8PM
Amazed
Amazed's picture

You really start to see it! Awesome Post NarcNarc!!!

My exN psychopath NEVER called me by my name either. NEVER. EVER. Not in a txt, not when calling me, not when talking to me. After about a year and a half of this, I finally got a clue, and confronted him one day "why don't you ever say hi, or call me by my name?" He said nothing. He called me 'honey' 'sweetpea' all the time. Every text had 'honey' at the end of it. Again, another one of their manipulations. AND THEY GET WORSE!!! Their manipulations and mind suck get worse, can't even discuss it is so horrible. This should be one huge red flag.
May 15 - 1AM (Reply to #11)
Janet
Janet's picture

Sweet pea; bg or baby girl;

Sweet pea; bg or baby girl; refer to me as pbg (pretty blond girlfriend); sexy; lady duck; quackers; gosh i just felt so loved, with all the loving little nick names. Manipulation is right near the end I swear one time he actually called me "BJ" not even "can I get a BJ" but actually called ME bj. Lovely. Peace. J

Peace. J

May 14 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
foolmeonce
foolmeonce's picture

So true

Not only did he not call me by name (even called me other women's names) he would not call my friends by their names he'd make up what he thought were cute names. My artist friend was van gogh. I told him if he called him that again I would refer to his wife as dumb ass. He never called him that again.
May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #7)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Formalities

I've read that Narcs are into formalities, to a ritualistic, obsessive-compulsive extent,and with my ex-N it certainly was. My ex-N would ignore his fellow colleagues if they called him by his first name instead of his last one (a colleague said this made him "different") My ex-N never called me by my first name... and if I called him by his first name (it's Hebrew for rabid dog,makes sense),I'm sure I would've caught hell. When I met his girlfriend from LA, she and I introduced each other by our first names... but he coldly referred to her by her surname when I called him on it the following day.
May 14 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
Amazed
Amazed's picture

Formalities about Recognition

The psychopath/N are very much into recognion...can't miss them in the picture if they are always front row! Can ignore them then they are running around the room setting the standard for everyone else. They would rather have a plaque on the wall saying 'so and so narc is number one' than having their kids fed and properly taken care of. Sick.
May 16 - 12AM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Propriety

My ex-N was fixated on propriety and appropriate behavior... he used it to justify his verbal abuse, engage in blame-shifting. The strange irony? People think the fact he reduced me to tears IN FRONT OF MY FRIENDS and that he threw a tantrum when I congratulated him on his engagement--are BOTH considered SERIOUS breaches of decorum, good manners, and politeness. He set standards higher for everyone else than himself. My ex-N tended to isolate himself socially. His colleagues avoided him... and let's just say my fellow students hated his guts and deemed him inhuman.* *A Cylon analogy (using the new BSG) would be apt. My ex-N was as capable of emotional blankness as Boomer when she gunned down Commander Adama... the same vacant look...
May 14 - 11PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

names

many Sexual Narcs use cute names because they CAN'T keep all their sources straight! since we are just objects, most pathologicals have trouble calling us by Name. They often don't remember we have a name. ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 14 - 8PM
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

That made me laugh out

That made me laugh out loud!! My dogs think I'm crazy right now. I wish I had the guts to things like that.
May 14 - 7PM
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Same here

My ex-N would NEVER let me call me by his first name... and he'd never call me my first name. He once ignored a fellow prof until the prof called him by his surname (I remember telling him "that was rude",and he claimed he was punishing a fellow professor's "impropriety") When I met the OW from LA... who I didn't know existed... we introduced ourselves by our first names, very pleasant, she reminded me of a high school chum. However, when I called my ex-N on his lie the next day, he coldly referred to his fiancee by her surname, as "Miss G"... and I was chilled. He claimed his engagement was "private",and claimed he was "violated" when I congratulated him on it. He spoke of her in a cold way. Whenever I talk about his rage over the congratulations, people say,"That's weird" or "that's psycho." Yep,a NORMAL MAN is happy when other people are HAPPY about him on the verge of getting married to someone he loves...
May 14 - 7PM
aceonelady
aceonelady's picture

My ex would call hix ex

My ex would call hix ex girlfriend The crazy lady even did teach his/her children to gether to call her so...And me he called Claudius Maximus ,The destroyer of the understanding,or Darling or when he was in a sweet mood Meisje,that is girl in Dutch...And when he wanted to teach me something ,meaning put something that had to stick inside my head he would call me by my hole name,which an old dutch very complicated to speak out for an English speaking person,but he did perfectly ...And he called himself The Wizard....

Aceonelady

May 14 - 7PM
gullablegull (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

HagMop

Yep..Mine used to call me HagMop! Jo Momma- now it's just Jo, lots of nicknames...at first, he had this really strange way of rhyming things or something..taking letters of words for the next...IDK..Something VERY strange! I couldn't do it! Anyway...I started replying to him as OleGeezer! Well, he didn't like that???? Said it was "disrespectful"??? He called the kids "losers"??? Everything was ok and funny to him, if he was saying it.......but you could not reciprocate with any humor! Wonder how his business partner would feel if he found out he calls him "PuddingHead"? I really don't miss him.................