do they really know what they are doing? mine N just revealed things after a year that make me feel dead inside...

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May 5 - 10AM (Reply to #28)
Healingnow
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Ok

Ok, I won't then only as a favour though cos it's a close one so glad you said it. I will send it to everyone I know. Also have to say.......who is this Henry Rollins cos I don't like him. He sings that song so brillianly....I wonder if it is cos it's him all over. There is another clip of him beating up a fan.. Then he seems to be doing comedy about swearing at women to get the fu** out of his car and the whole audience is in hyterics. I personally didn't find it funny. I found it worrying that women were there laughing at a man saying how he could swear like that at someone of the same gender. I wonder how many men would sit laughing if it was a woman on the stage swearing about men, yuk what is it with the world
May 5 - 1PM (Reply to #29)
better off
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Well.. he's a serious punk

Well.. he's a serious punk rocker. So I wouldn't take it too seriously. They hate everyone. Anarchy is the point. He was the lead singer for Black Flag, and then went solo. I saw the link for that song on a narc blog, I think it was Narcissists Suck.
May 4 - 3PM (Reply to #22)
hitandrun
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Spot on Video

Spooky...pretty damn accurate lyrics, I'd say.
May 4 - 9AM (Reply to #16)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

thats brill

That video is so spot on for where I am at the moment. I just want to break nc now and send it to my exN cos it is so good.
May 4 - 2PM (Reply to #17)
better off
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NO! It's supposed to make

NO! It's supposed to make you want to GO no contact, lol.
May 4 - 2PM (Reply to #18)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

lol

lol, oops was it. Well i'm already no contact but it would just get the point across so succinctly......after exN left he said 'I can't be superman anymore' I felt bad but actually it was only ordinary living and he couldn't seem to cope. I never said 'oh being superwoman is just so hard for me so I think i'll just jump ship boo hoo! They do these things on purpose, that sociopath website is evidence. I keep remembering stuff all the time. One day my exN put on a short video that he made about being bullied. He wanted me to watch it. I saw him checking that I was taking it all in. I thought this was so he could blame me when he left for being a mean bully (he told me this in so many words....you know blaming me). Actually I now take that a step further into saying that he wanted me to watch it so that I could act out the part (cos he would brainwash me into doing so by changing his behaviour appropriately....writing the script)and he could be the poor mistreated soul. So his plan was put in place a few months before any action was taken at all on his part. When he did leave he mentioned the woman who made the video clip with him, saying that she doesn't think this or that bla bla. I hope that makes sense cos i'm just saying it as it comes out. It may sound silly or maybe I am reading too much into it as some people would say. From what I know of narc/p/s this way of thinking would fit. It is a sick sick thing to get your head round that they play set up and are quite aware. I have many other examples that keep coming to mind as I go along.
May 4 - 5PM (Reply to #19)
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

not at all silly

mine tried to make it look like i was paranoid all the time. everything he said was crazy and screamed at me as if i was acusing him of doing was actually what he was doing. he actually poisoned my coffee! he would steal stupid things and try to make it look like i was going crazy and lost it myself. he wrote in an extra appointment on my calander one morning to make me think i'd lost my mind and he would have loved it if i showed up for it because then other people would think so too. they are really that twisted. the things he did are innumerable and insane. meant to make you look like the bad one. don't fall for it. i didn't. i knew what he was doing but was financially and physically unable to get away. he is EVIL. you can't love someone like that. they don't actually love you. i was a status symbol for him. he ate up the fact that all of his friends wanted me for themselves. he would go into fits of jealousy constantly for no real reason, but to make it look like i was somehow hurting him. well, 2 can play that game. i'm smarter than him. i'm better looking. i have more actual friends who came back when he went away. he doesn't truly know who he messed with. he has an idea i could crush him, but he still tries here and there just to test me. he no longer comes out the way he wants and i don't hear from him again for awhile ;). he can't actually win this now that he is out of my house and has no way to sneak back in while i'm alone. people he thought would never believe me do. people he thought would never help are. he is nothing but a loser, crackhead and that he can't escape. and that will be his downfall. don't take any action unless you are 100% sure of his true weakness. he will lie about so many and they aren't actually. make sure it is a true weakness. and have plenty of support from people who do know what he is and can help you. and make sure you have no feelings for him at all before trying to recoupe your losses. i wouldn't suggest most people even attempt revenge against one of these psycos. mine needs to be eliminated because he will kill someone and have no remorse for it and likely get away with it. he needs to be stopped for that reason. otherwise you are better off nc and heal yourself from your ordeal. it is not easy. i still get scared even at the sound of his voice if i'm alone. i have nightmares whenever i am able to sleep. i had ptsd to begin with so what he did to me(knowing how to use it because his mother was severly abused by his father and he used her ptsd to control her from age 10!)it was way too much to handle on my own. now the truth is out but kept from him. he cannot know what i remember and if he hears anything even slightly against him that he knows is actually true, he calls and starts screaming so i'll back down and say it's not true. people know he does this though. so nobody will tell him what they know now. and i avoid the subject when he does call. if he yells i say "stop yelling" and put the phone aside till he does. then if he speaks rationally i will attempt communication on a very "small talk" kind of level. and get off the phone asap. don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they can get to you at all. treat them like just a pest to be shooed away. they mean nothing at all to you. eventually they will go away because they can't get you upset at all and it is no longer fun for them. recouping losses means you'd have to be like them long enough to get what you want and go straight back to no contact laughing at them and their little games. if you can do it, great, but if you feel anything it will show through and they'll use it. read everything on npd you can find. know it like you know yourself. you won't love them anymore. you will only feel contempt at their existence. and yeah, i felt very sick at the thought of actually being with him. it gets better. you just have to remember it was them. they are sick and twisted and it happens to alot of women. i happen to be quite vengeful sometimes. it takes alot to get me there, but once ya do watch out lol. mine was extremely sexually attracted to me so i can use it against him also. that's how i keep from feeling sick about it. it is actually a weapon i used to defend myself. so knowing that i had control that way gives me a different prespective on it. i actually got more out of it than he did anyway lol. he was a virgin and i taught him what i like and he didn't know that he could have gotten more from himself from someone else. lmao so, now that i have talked your ear off and shown my wicked side i will wish you luck and hope you find your way to understanding it wasn't personal. what he did he did because he is a sick and twisted man. you were obviously a good person and that's what he used. that does not at all make you bad. standing up for yourself is what they can't take. so if he left you then it was because you were too strong and he couldn't suck anymore life from you. i actually threw mine out but he tried to make it out like he left me. people actually do know now how it really went because he had to change stories too many times lol. had to play poor me to get someone to take him in and then had to play he left me when he found out how much the memory was affected by the stroke at first. then when the memory started coming back he had to change personalities constantly lol. he outted himself in the end. people got to see what he was and what he was trying to do. they use confusion to shut you up. but it can be turned right back on them if you do it right. never deal with him alone! very important last note there. that's what they want. they have to switch up personalities in front of different people. wow, it's sad how well i understand it. yuk. i never want to be that. Blessed Be!
May 4 - 5PM (Reply to #20)
Barbara (not verified)
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pegasus269

I hope you post your story on SHARE YOUR STORY section soon! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
May 6 - 2PM (Reply to #21)
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

still learning

i don't know how to use this board well yet. i am also recovering from a small stroke so i'm relearning things i used to know and learning new things at the same time...headaches lol. i am trying to figure out how to make this give me email notifications like my facebook things do when someone comments on things i am active with. right now i get lost. so i will get to it soon, just need to get the hang of it first.
May 4 - 8AM (Reply to #6)
better off
better off's picture

Yes, they know... I think

Yes, they know... I think they (or mine at least) got his biggest enjoyment from fooling people. That was when he got all warm and fuzzy inside.
May 4 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
sanctuary
sanctuary's picture

They have insides?! :)

They have insides?! :)
May 4 - 5PM (Reply to #14)
pegasas269
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insides?

lmao, rofl, omg, i love that comment!
May 4 - 2PM (Reply to #8)
better off
better off's picture

Yeah, you know, where the

Yeah, you know, where the echo is?
May 4 - 5PM (Reply to #9)
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

echo

yes, a big resounding echo of their own yelling and childish tantrums!
May 4 - 5PM (Reply to #10)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

In one ear... out the other...

That would sum up the conversations with my ex-N. And if I disagreed,I wasn't "listening." What's funny is that insulting him is so very easy... call him by his first name... he'd ignore HIS COLLEAGUES AND AGE MATES if they called him by his first name instead of his surname. That's sooo easy! Even a caveman could do it.
May 6 - 2PM (Reply to #11)
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

lmao, yeah mine is extremely

lmao, yeah mine is extremely dumb and oh soooo easy to insult. and when he is playing nice guy and i am pretending i haven't remembered yet since the stroke, i can get him to say how stupid he really is lol i even got him to get up in the middle of the night and walk all the way to my place in the pouring rain and got to hurt him right back without ever having to see the evil thing he really is. got my tv put back where it belonged and a few other things fixed that he messed up on his way out. he got to act like he didn't do it but i knew he did. i also got to hurt him because i didn't remember ever loving him. he wanted to make me have a stroke so he could control me better....backfire! i know i am the one who threw him out. he tried to act like he left me. he stole $1200 bucks and tried to kill me before he went, but i got him out. apparently i said some really nasty truths to him about himself while i was going through the whole thing. lmao wasn't the reaction he had wanted from that stroke. so in a way...i won. not fully obviously, but as long as he doesn't know how much i got back since the stroke i still have some cards up my sleeve to at least recoupe some of my losses.
May 6 - 3PM (Reply to #12)
Susan32
Susan32's picture

Cards up my sleeve

"Kill 'em with kindness" best sums up my ex-N. He WANTED me to hate him as a monster. Honestly, if I emailed his colleagues and railed about him being a lying, arrogant bully, he'd probably go into a state of ecstasy. I don't do that. He WANTS to be called a monster. He WANTS to be despised. Sorry, but I'll be the withholding b*tch this time. I won't badmouth him to his friends. Besides, if I call him by his first name, it's "bringing him down to my level." Yeah, he didn't spring from Zeus' head fully formed and a professor/philosopher,thankyouverymuch. He came out of the womb messy and sticky... like the rest of us. If I went around to his colleagues saying my ex-N is evil--he'd be the one claiming victory and calling me crazy. Niceness rubs him the wrong way. And he can rub himself (he was the ONLY prof who was the subject of VERY crude masturbation jokes)
May 12 - 1AM (Reply to #13)
pegasas269
pegasas269's picture

masterbation jokes

lol that is great! it's so cool when other people are making fun of the guy. you can sit back and giggle and....well, it wasn't you who said it sooo... :) yeah, not so very admired and important as he likes to think he is lol. you could even act sympathetic to him if he was upset about the jokes, say " well, that's not very nice of them, you can't help it if you have a problem with sexual intamacy" lol you deffinately don't come off as the crazy one then do you. lmao ahhh... i'm just being a little mean spirited really....though i would use something like that given the opportunity ;) i always find ways to let him insult himself, and his little friends do it to him too every chance they get really. so, i sit back and think less and less about him at all, he ends up calling me and "trying to be civil" lol what a joke. but this last call i got could actually be helpful. he has promised $200. towards the gas bill next tuesday. we'll see if he really comes through. but the gas is in his mothers name and that he may have no choice but to fulfill that promise. i believe his mother has refused to turn it off on me and she knows he owes me money on it so... :) in the meantime i am back with a wonderful man who helps me a great deal and spoils me rotten. i've known him for a very long time and he always helped me out even before we ever considered being together. and he has seen bits of tape from my web cam of me and the N and was appalled by the way he treated me even though anyone else would have looked at it and believed the guy was being "affectionate". he sees how bad it was, sees right through without my saying a word about it. i don't want this guy to pay my bills and i try to tell him he doesn't have to buy me everything i need, i want to do as much on my own as possible. so he is holding off unless i really can't and it's crunch time. if the N has heard we are together now it could also have alot to do with his sudden turn around. lol if he thinks he can win me back he's got another thing comin lol. but i will get what he owes me if i can and then walk away without ever looking back. and he knows this guy and knows he can do nothing against him and he could help me very easily disappear from that nasty N without a trace. so... i have got him by the u know what's. lol lovin it. relief, and new found strength are my strongest feelings for today. it's so nice that my life is going oh so much better than his could ever be. best revenge ever. :)