Karla's story

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#1 Apr 19 - 2AM
Karla
Karla's picture

Karla's story

Where do I begin? I've been coming here regularly for the last year and have tried unsuccessfully to post my story many times. I guess the shame and guilt of being a bad judge of character always won out. I only lived with my husband for 14 months. During those 14 months I allowed him to run my credit cards up. He caused me to nearly lose my home. All because I listened to him tell me how smart he was and how successful he was going to be. And I believed every word he said. He said that with his brains, skill, and determination coupled with my research skills, brains, and common sense we were going to be rich. And I believed this asshole.

When we first started dating he was still married to his ex wife. He told me such horror stories about his wife and his previous ex wife before her that I actually felt sorry for him. What's really sad is that his ex wife lost her home that she owned prior to meeting him and they were only together for 10 months. He convinced her to take a 2nd mortgage out on her house in both of their names. He told me the reason she did that and the reason her credit card bills were maxed out was because her son had a brain tumor and insurance wasn't covering all of his treatment. He told me that while the little boy was suffering in the hospital undergoing chemo treatments that his mom was too sick and selfish to be bothered to go and be with him. He said he took time off of work to be with the child who wasn't even his biological child because his mother refused. He bragged about what a nice guy he was and how much he sacrificed and how hard he tried to be a good husband and a good step dad. But when his ex cheated on him he was devastated and heartbroken and he was of such character and religious beliefs that he had no choice but to divorce her because the Bible said it was OK to divorce in the case of adultery. And yes, I believed everything he said. I felt sorry for him and I understood the reason for his financial difficulty.

His ex wife before her was even worse. She was abusing their children! He made it his goal in life to take the kids away from the evil woman who made his life such misery all these years. He just couldn't stand by and watch his kids being abused. How noble was that? Once more I believed him and felt sorry for him. While we were dating he called the police and social services many times on his first wife because she was starving the children. Social Services did go out and check out the situation and found no evidence of abuse. They found two mildly overweight children who were not starving. Instead they determined that the kids simply weren't getting everything they wanted to eat, ex chicken nuggets, mac n cheese, junk food, etc. He had taught his own kids to call him whenever there was any disagreement with his mother and he would take care of it. There are many more examples of this type but I won't go into detail. The bottom line is his kids were calling him every single time their mother disciplined them. He called the police and social services over every single issue. When his daughter turned 15 and she ran up a $350 phone bill, mom punished her by taking away her phone. She ran away from home and came to live with dad. His son was right behind her. She agreed to allow the children to live with him. He always told me that he would never give up and would make her life such a living hell that she would gladly allow the kids to live with him. This, I admit did bother me because I saw a mom who was trying to discipline her kids and no signs of abuse. I've been around abused children a lot due to close family members being foster parents and I know the behavior characteristics. His kids displayed none of these.

He was separated from his ex for 10 months before the divorce was final because he tried so hard to get his ex to agree to a settlement and she always refused to any of his suggestions. And once more, I believed him. How stupid was that?

His divorce was finally final and we married shortly thereafter. He immediately started running my credit card bills up to a point where we could barely make the monthly payments on them and eat at the same time. The man could also drink nearly a case of beer a night. Between the monthly bills and the $32 a day beer habit, I had enough. As soon as I put my foot down and refused to get another credit card or put any more on my current credit cards we began to fight. We fought every single night about money. He asked me to take a second mortgage out on my home with his name on it too. That way we could take the extra money and pay off all of the credit card debt, we could re-model my house to make more bedrooms for his children, and buy my 3 kids and his 2 kids all the nice things that kids deserved.

I said NO. I refused to re mortgage my home. I refused to get any more credit cards and I opened my big mouth by telling him that I didn't believe his kids were ever abused. This is pretty scary but his 13 year old son at one time tried to catch my house on fire. I walked in the room and saw everything on top of my coffee table burning. I got mad and sent him to his room. He made an 'emergency' call to his grandparents and told them he could no longer stay there because I smoked cigarettes and he was allergic to smoke. He said he coughed all the time and I refused to buy him medicine to help. His grandparents came and picked him up in the middle of the night. My husband's mother then proceeded to yell at my husband for smoking in the house and for allowing me to smoke in the house. Then my husband came home and demanded that I stop smoking in the house because his son was allergic. I told him I would be more than happy to quit smoking in the house if his son was truly allergic, but he isn't allergic and never had been. I told him what happened with the coffee table fire and he called me a liar! I also opened my big mouth and told him I thought his son needed help. As you can imagine that was the wrong thing to say to a doting dad who thinks his children are perfect. This child also tried to kill my small dog by stretching him. I walked in just in time and he let go. I was so mad I told the child he is not allowed to handle the dog anymore. The child went crying (real tears) to his dad and said that I was so mean and he hated me and wanted to go live with his grandparents. My husband didn't believe me when I told him that his son had the dog's two front legs in one hand and his two back legs in the other and was stretching him.

Eventually kids were living with his parents but he was not getting child support for them from their mom. At first he said we must pay $400 a month to his parents for his kids. I obliged. Then he said he must pay $600 a month. I protested and said we couldn't afford an extra $600 a month and afford to eat plus support a $30 a day beer habit, and liquor on weekends. I also had 2 children living with me and 1 still in school. My oldest son is autistic and has a mild hearing loss and my youngest son had begun to do poorly in school. His teachers told me he was falling asleep in class. He told me it was because he couldn't sleep at night listening to me any my husband argue. I had had enough!

Between our nightly fights and my descent into near financial despair, and the desire to have peace in my life, I finally asked him to move out. He did. Since then I have not spoken to him one time. He's been gone since April of 2009. And we are still married. We have communicated by email only. I have an attorney for a divorce, he does not. I have paid all of the credit card bills by myself, managed to hold on to my home (with a little help) and have paid all bills on time.

I have credit card statements and receipts to prove everything I say. I have filed for divorce and my attorney is the one who told me he is a sociopath. He actually refuses to hire an attorney because he is so confident in himself and he tells me he is READY to go to court and let a judge decide. He says he doesn't owe me anything! I owe him! He is so confident that a judge will side in his favor and likely give him more than what he is asking for that it would waste his money to hire an attorney.

The thing is, I know I'm right in my head and I do trust my attorney. She tells me that court is going to be a mess because he will show up to a contested divorce without an attorney, without paying any past bills, and without any proof. She says the judge will nail him. I do believe her. But you know what really scares me? The fact that this man believes so much in himself and he believes he doesn't need one. He is that confident! He believes I and my kids are evil and he won't let me get away with it! I am not evil and neither are my kids.

I feel like such a fool because I fell for his sob stories about his evil ex's, and at the beginning I supported him in his endeavor to gain custody of his children. It really didn't take long for me to learn that it was all a lie! I naively believed that narcissism is when a person looks in the mirror and believes their beautiful and that sociopaths only exist on the nightly news.

I do thank God that I eventually refused to put any more on my credit cards and I refused to re mortgage my home. I also thank God that although I may sound like a bumbling idiot today, that I did open my mouth to him in person and speak the truth! Hence the nightly fighting..

But I have to say that things were not always this bad. I mentioned all the bad stuff. This man was the most fun to be around. He was not only the best lover I ever had and he treated me like a queen. We talked about things and shared things that only a best friend would share. He even cried(real tears)many times as he proclaimed his true love for me and deemed that God had brought us together. He even seemed to know the next day after an argument that he was wrong and begged me to forgive him for his behavior.

I could not figure out then and still do not understand to this day how a person can be so fake and still sleep peacefully at night. How is that possible? And why am I so afraid of this man? I am afraid to go to court and face him and I am the one with an attorney. She says I am right and I know I truly am, and I am very responsible and have proof of all debts incurred. But, for some reason I am terrified! My oldest son is so scared he has bought a gun to protect us. That just feels so wrong to me. I honestly don't believe my husband would hurt us, I don't believe he has the balls! But I do believe his son would, and if his son wanted anything his dad would be his biggest supporter.

I need your prayers and support.

Apr 19 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Welcome Karla

Welcome... - PLEASE go through ALL the pages on 'Message Board' as I have loaded it with articles and your questions have probably already been asked and answered many many times. Click through the pages and read what interests you. You'll get up to speed and learn a LOT. - take some free consults with Divorce attorneys IMMEDIATELY and hire a bulldog who won't back down. Make sure he gets stuck with the marital debt because HE was the con artist who created it. I'd even mention FRAUD in your divorce petition. - then YOU must go NO CONTACT on him immediately - there is a great post in the My Blog section on WHAT NO CONTACT MEANS - read it and follow it. Change phone & cell numbers if you have to. NO CONTACT!!! - PLEASE read the stories of others. This alone is one of the most validating things you can do. Far too many become completely wrapped up in their own drama... which just makes it all worse. You did not choose him! YOU, as all of us, WERE A TARGET!! - PLEASE read through our whole blog: http://allabouthim.com - chock full of articles about Ns and healing please read the Rules prior to posting, as well - listen to our free radio show - archived at: http://www.blogtalkradio.com/allabouthim - YOU did NOTHING, I repeat NOTHING wrong. You were targeted by a master predator. You did NOT use bad judgment - you were brainwashed. Get therapy ASAP. - Please remember this board is NEVER to be used as a replacement for therapy. Please find a therapist and start going as SOON as possible for whatever level of PTSD he's left you with. 18 months for starting to deprogram plus one continuous year of therapy is a must! ~~~~~~~~~ Moving Forward: Coaching for Victims Pathologicals Feelings buried alive never die. - Alice Miller
Apr 19 - 8AM (Reply to #2)
woundedsoul36
woundedsoul36's picture

welcome Karla

welcome Karla