The bastard

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Apr 1 - 1AM (Reply to #19)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

that line works!!!

just like shining a xenon flashlight in the eyes of vampire.... 'hey..you're not lookin too good' just sends a Narc into FITS..... and be sure and show NO EXPRESSION when you say it...because Narcs don't understand human language...they rely mostly on body language and facial expression...so if you want to reduce a Narc to rubble, just stare at him with a blank expression and say...'you're not lookin' too good'... they don't know exactly what you mean by it...and they're offended all to Hell..and aren't going to ASK you to offend them further by explaining yourself... between the vanity and the terminal hypochondria they all have, you can really have some fun with this line......
Mar 31 - 1PM (Reply to #15)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

narcnarc

OMG, I laughed so hard when I read this! Thanks I needed it! He is so used to coming in my office and having me react positively to him, praise him, and tell him he looks great. One day he came to work and he really did look awful. Obviously very tired. (Probably sex with too many women the night before) I said in a very concerned and caring tone "wow X, you don't look so good today. Is everything OK?" He got very defensive and said in an angry voice "I don't even know how to interpret that!!" His reaction caused a WTF with me as I was expressing sincere concern. So maybe I'll try that more when he pops into my office all radiant and happy and announcing that he is about to leave on a date.
Mar 31 - 3PM (Reply to #17)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

lol

Yes, tell an N that he looks like sh**, and watch the fireworks!!! I think it would be hilarious if he came in and you had a straight face, were totally precoccupied, and didn't even look at him. I'm sure the King of the Office would wonder what was wrong with YOU...lol!
Mar 31 - 2PM (Reply to #16)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

backwards reactions

http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/08/31/narcissists-perplexing-behavior-and-backward-reactions-things and on the days you know he will be in - YOU BE OUT!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 30 - 4PM
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

What I hate about it most

Is that he walked in my office all happy, positive, energetic and upbeat as normal. Looked incredibly tanned and hot as his piercing blue eyes looked so beautiful with the sunlight in my office. And then said....in a rush gotta go - got a meeting to get to! See ya! In the meantime, leaving me on the verge of crying again and my heart beating so hard. Haven't been able to get anything done at work for the last two hours! And feel like I am on a verge of a heart attach cause I just want to be with him so much....uggghhh... how can someone have an effect on my like this for so many years, and at our age!
Mar 31 - 8AM (Reply to #10)
cynthia (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

the attraction

Looked incredibly tanned and hot as his piercing blue eyes looked so beautiful with the sunlight in my office. That was one of the hardest things for me to let go of, his physical appeal he had on me, he was absolutely the best looking man I had ever been with, he was almost PERFECT, like something out of a GQ magazine. However when you combine that with their charm, smarts, wit, you have yourself a DANGEROUS pathological man that seems like its impossible to break away from. You have to look past what he LOOKS like and what he APPEARS to be, because that is all its about with these types, and those are the very tools he uses to keep his victims almost addicted to him. Trust me my heart would race and I would melt just to look at him and be with him in person, but boy did I pay for that later. I cried and ached to be with him it was like nothing I ever experienced, it was a painful painful withdraw. If you really think about it isnt it just a little weird to want someone like that? Its NOT mentally healthy but this is what they do to us, they can inflict pure evil and torture on us and yet we still want them? I knew at that point I needed help to get beyond the painful physical attraction I had for this man, no matter how bad he treated me. That is sooo wrong, little by little I turned my priorities around and focused on the more important traits and characters of a person that I should be attracted to. You are attracted to a beautiful wolf in sheeps clothing, my what big eyes you have, the better to see you with my dear, my what big teeth you have, the better to eat you with ..... and that is what they will do they will eat you up until you are completely destroyed and why? all because they are good looking? Look deeper, look into his soul you wont find it because they are lost souls
Apr 2 - 11AM (Reply to #11)
moving on
moving on's picture

External Appearance

I also was attracted to his physical appearance. I would have the same instances where I would melt in his presence and would always want to touch him or be around him because he was so beautiful. But the whole thing is a front. He works so hard on his looks because he has to make up for the emptiness inside. It just makes perfect sense. All the hair products, facial creams, eyebrow threading, and color contacts were to try to conceal the ugly being beneath it all. There were instances when I felt like I was playing with a kid who had a fascination with his pee pee. Then I would be attracted to his looks again. But the actions were all of someone who is not attractive, like a weird man who is trying too hard because he is truly very ugly inside and out. We would have intense moments where our eyes would meet and it was kind of scary looking back because there was nothing in those eyes, no emotion, just like a cold-hearted steely look. It was weird to be so into someone in such a short amount of time. I too would long for him to be around me and I knew it wasn't healthy. I would wait for him to return so I could kiss him again and he could hold me again. But it was all part of the act of him putting it on really thick and then withdrawing to make that emotionally abusive connection. I know now that this was not the first time he used this strategy. I remember telling him I thought he was cute and he said I want you to be attracted to my soul girl. Now I realize that he doesn't have one...
Apr 2 - 2PM (Reply to #13)
wallaby (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Movingon

Dang - color contacts and eyebrow threading - impressive - this guys got more beauty tricks than my girlfriends... yes, like little boys fascination with their weiners - very apt. It does feel like that with them.
Apr 2 - 12PM (Reply to #12)
Nothanx
Nothanx's picture

Appearance

My narc took my breath away when I first saw him. He was tall and very distinguished. I think I kinda fell in love with him at first sight! That appearance was very important to me at first because I felt so attractiveness after my first husband (not a narc) left me for another woman. I wanted so very badly to show my beautiful boyfriend off to my ex husband and his new fiancée. Really quickly I realized that as soon as he opens his mouth most of the distinguished facade disappears. He hypnotized me over a long period of time because even though I thought he was strange, or off, I kept him around because I just could not face being single and lonely after many years of marriage to my first husband. Later, when I was deeply under the narcs spell, he had been emotionally abusive after I caught him (yet again) carrying on with the OW, and he asked me "If I am such a jerk, why are you still with me? What exactly do you like about me?". My answer was "Your handsome and you are a really good kisser, and you are always available to go out to dinner on Friday night". He got really mad and called me shallow. He thought we had really great conversations...NOPE, He had great conversations and I listened. He thought we laughed a lot together...NOPE, he cracked himself up. Finally, when we broke up I just realized I really don't like anything about him (except his appearance). You definitely can't make a life with someone based on looks alone.
Mar 30 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

stop that

are you in therapy with a trauma counselor? when you know he's going to be in the office is there a way you can work from home or make yourself scarce? HE'S GETTING OFF ON HURTING YOU!!! Looked incredibly tanned and hot as his piercing blue eyes looked so beautiful with the sunlight in my office again - are you THAT SHALLOW that you're misled by the cover instead of the soul-less, non human predator inside the book. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 30 - 10PM (Reply to #6)
loveofmylife
loveofmylife's picture

Barbara

No....not shallow. Here's what it is. He pops in "just to say hi" looking so happy and vibrant and obviously thoroughly enjoying his life. With no hint of sadness or remorse in what has happened to our relationship. It is like our relationship never existed to him. And it was no loss. And it is just hard to swallow the contrast... where for years, when I needed support, I would fly across country and we would have a dinner out and just spend the whole night talking about life (since he was, or I thought, my soulmate). Contrast that to now where we live in the same area.....we don't even go to lunch on the days we work together. The contrast is the devastating part.... as it feels like i can hardly make it through the day...and I see no hint of sadness in him. No, not in trauma counseling. I did do that for about 2 years a few years back when I felt like my marriage was never going to come together (no emotional connection) and had one year of physical disabilities. It helped me get healthy again. Right now, I think I need to control it with exercise.
Mar 31 - 6AM (Reply to #9)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveof...

I promise you, if you had to live with him, you would see the dark side a whole hell of a lot more. Easy for an N to put on a good show a couple of hours a week.
Mar 31 - 1AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveofmylife

Right now, I think I need to control it with exercise Wrong. your posts here tell me you need therapeutic intervention. Big time. ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 31 - 12PM (Reply to #8)
ForeverLearning
ForeverLearning's picture

Barbara Is The Expert Around Here

And Barbara is right, you need therapeutic intervention. The rest of us are just chiming in with our 2 cents here and there, but none of us is as well versed in the entire healing process as Barbara. Please take her advice to heart and get back into therapy.
Mar 30 - 5PM (Reply to #5)
Healingnow
Healingnow's picture

looks

yeah, looks no longer do it for me,it's taken a long time for me to get here. If I see a handsome man now I see danger - rightly or wrongly.
Mar 30 - 3PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveofmylife

IGNORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~ The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims
Mar 30 - 6PM (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

loveof...

I know your trigger...seeing him! I can understand that, my ex was yummy too, okay? And if I had to be around him, yes, it would have been tougher to see the monster through all that yumminess. Fortunately, he lives far, far away. I feel for you, it's going to be hard to really make a go of breaking from this unless you put actual physical distance between you. You are too easily swooned by him up close and personal, it seems you think more clearly via e-mails, and see him for what he is more. He works one day?? And half a day?? How bout NO more days?? That's what it may take for you at this point...