Tickling as Abuse

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#1 March 6, 2010 - 8:06am

Tickling as Abuse

This morning had a flood of memories that I couldn't stop. I am recollecting dialogue, and actions that I didn't pick up on when they happened.

The day before I said goodbye, he started tickling me which I hate. I begged him to stop. He kept doing it. I felt helpless. He then said, "fine if you don't want me to touch you, I won't" and walked away. It was my birthday.

What a sadistic SOB. The day went downhill from there. It included more insults and the silent treatment. Normal 50 year olds don't act like that. I've been around truly loving people and have seen them with their partners. They treat one another with respect and dignity. This was cruelty at it's worst. I said in earlier posts that I miss him. Miss what? Being treated like crap? Wondering when I'd be discarded? These are torture techniques. I've boosted my self esteem up and have decided that I deserve better. We all do!

March 6, 2010 - 8:37pm


is considered child abuse as well when you tickle a little kid.ABUSE has many forms.Thank God Sean you are free from this A-hole! just wondering-how old are YOU?I am 53 and i think my age/and,mid-life crisis has made it harder on me in this break-up((sighs)),but,i'd rather be alone than disrespected/and abused.

March 7, 2010 - 9:26am (Reply to #18)


I wonder how much pedophilia is perpetrated under the guise of "tickling" a child? A lot.

Also, any behavior is abusive when the partner says, "I do not like it when you tickle me" but the perpetrator insists on continuing. If the pepetrator cared about the person, he would stop immediately the moment discomfort was expressed. The perpetrator should have only the comfort & well-being of the object of his so-called love at heart.

So, a person cannot love you, when he insists on lifting a skirt or goping a women in public when she says, "I do not like this." (There is a woman below who discusses this scenario.) What's the problem? The problem for the N is is the "I" part. He doesn't care about her. It's all about him. & see the demeaning attitude when her feelings are discounted as inappropriate because his groping in public is a manifestation of HIS LOVE & he is HURT when she doesn't sacrifice her well-being to his. Emotional blackmail. So much for a "mutual" relationship & respect between equals.

Sorry Sean. Your N deliberately set out to destroy your birthday. He engaged in behavior to upset you deliberately. Then he could get all into a huff. Storm off. And ruin your day. And it was all YOUR fault because you're not a good & normal sport to enjoy his tickling. So typical. Lucky you that you got away. Imagine what Christmas & all holidays are in a household with children & this nonsense if going on all the time. Sabotage.

And, Sean, I am sure you wanted to have the lovely holidays in your home. A nice & calm home life with somebody who loved you & somebody whom you could love. You deserve better than this monster.

I left mine almost a year ago. I am still having insights & connecting the dots. They really mess one up with all the smoke, mirrirs, gaslighting, brainwashing, intimidation, bullying, emotional drain. Oh, it's a nightmare.

March 6, 2010 - 9:15am
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

those innocent little games....

yes, sean....he was abusing you...and he knew it..they like to stay blameless in their abuse....they just love to do it in ways they can pass off as 'harmless fun'...one of the psychonars favorite little 'jokes' was to lower the garage door while i was walking through it...there was something wrong with the opener..(probably something he did to it)..and the electric eye no longer 'saw' anything in the way...and it would just continue to close.....he missed closing it completely on a couple of my older dogs by inches several times...once i saw it coming down and if i had not grabbed a small step stool sitting in the garage and shoved it under the door it would have crushed BEN....they are cruel sadistic pieces of unhuman garbage...i would like to tie mine up...and torture and torment him for weeks on end..as a little 'joke'....i'm so sorry for the way you were treated...in just a few short months this monster did damage that will take ages to heal......i'm so sorry sean.......
My blog

March 6, 2010 - 7:20pm (Reply to #14)

Sorry narcnarcwhosthere

I'm sorry he did that to you and your dogs. I'm actually sorry for all of us. We didn't deserve to be treated cruelly. They are calculating and without conscience. I went into this with an open heart. I had love to share. He saw it as weakness. They must hate themselves an awful lot to make others suffer so much. Why do they do it? Because they can.

March 6, 2010 - 8:40pm (Reply to #16)

Because they can-

EXACTLY. And,their day is coming.....

March 6, 2010 - 7:32pm (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

they do NOT hate themselves

sorry sean - these non-human predators GET OFF on causing others pain... including animals.

The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

March 6, 2010 - 7:14pm (Reply to #12)


I think I'm doing ok now. I avoid him, I've blocked him. The nightmare is over. Am I in the clear? I wonder. It was like a bad movie of the week...especially toward the end, when the abuse became more evident. I was lucky, he got physical with the last one. How do you say...evil incarnate?

He used things I said in passing against me. He gives me the willys. He would tell me of revenge plans for people who would cross him. God, I'm remembering everything now. It's horrible. It was backward intimidation.

In a way, I think it's better to be alone. Strong & independent.

March 6, 2010 - 8:42pm (Reply to #13)

my ex-psychopath

Would remember ~EVERYTHING~i said in confidence,and,betrayed it all-turned it on and against me.....

March 6, 2010 - 9:04am

Tickling Can Be Abuse

Tickling is a perfect form of abuse for an abuser.

Anything that is supposed to be play stuff, but taken too far, when the other person asks for it to stop.

You mentioned the classic example of how an abuser would use it to abuse and then try to mask it as just a little harmless fun and portray the one being tickled as a "Sourpuss / Crabass" when they say "Stop!!!!".

NarcNarcWhosThere suffered thousands of these types of innocent or 'accidental' forms of abuse - hands slammed in doors, trips/falls, etc etc.

Hers was most definitely a true Psychopath of the highest order of sickness. He attempted murder.

Yours is very likely a psychopath. You are indeed lucky to have gotten away only 2 1/2 months deep into the mess. I have wondered sometimes if these people (like your Narc for instance) who say they have split with their partner, but still live with them, are actually on the prowl to find a victim to hardcore abuse..... all the while keeping the long time partner as the fallback for the softer abuse, in the form of an "Off again/ On again" relationship. They may have been on a 10 year roller coaster that was just in a lull when you met him, but back in full swing again in no time flat.

Its hard to speculate because at the 2 month mark you were still very early in his game and it just hadnt escalated yet to God knows what type of sadistic behavior. They come in all shades and varieties so there is no telling what it could have snowballed to but thank God you escaped early and also thank God you are educating others in the Gay community about this phenomenon which pervades all segments of society and to which so many people are COMPLETELY NAIVE as to its existence (The Personality Disorders). God bless you.

March 6, 2010 - 9:17am (Reply to #2)

Forever learning

I was interested in your comment re Ns who stil live with a partner but have split.
My N had split from his partner a year ago, but they were still sharing the same place while she sorted herself financially and also they have a small child.
She split from him when she found out he had been having two long running affairs and was also doing craigslist etc etc. she also knew he had cheated on his first wife.
I spoke to her when I had had enough of my N's vile behaviour. We emailed a while and she said to me, that she felt by still living in the same house as the N, she was allowing him to have his cake and eat it.
i.e. she would end up cooking etc, helping organise paying bills, did his tax forms etc, and it gave him the security in a sense of a relationship, but with absolutely no intimacy needed with his partner. (they were in seperate bedrooms.) In that way she felt it allowed him to go out and treat other women in a bad way as it really really did not matter to him at all - because he always knew he had the comfort of 'a home life' to go back to. So in fact it allowed him to actually be more brutal because he would never be alone. Also to other people it looked like he had a totally normal life (many people did not know/don't know they have actually split as he has not told them - not even his parents.)
Also, when my N knew I had spoken to the ex he accused me of trying to split the family up! So totally deluded on the whole situation. In his head it was like he had a relationship still with her, but not of course that he was faithful to her!
From what I know the abuse he has given the longterm partner has been far more brutal, because with me and other women he got involved with, he kept us at an arms distance, because he had this other 'homelife'.

March 7, 2010 - 9:11am (Reply to #7)


When I left my N, he asked me to remain in the house & live as roommates. He cannot live alone. He would get the financial support for the cost of the house. Food & laundry (hopefully, maybe not). And, have time to find a new woman & then get rid of me once a new & better source was lined up. Also, save face & not have his new wife of less than 2 1/2 years dump him & walk out.

March 7, 2010 - 2:10pm (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

lies lies and more lies

after I left exNH he told no one. he still expected the kids and I to go places with him. I found out years later that he hadn't told people we were separated - in fact I still get phone calls for him at my home to this day. I tell them exNH hasn't lived there for 7 years... they are often shocked. Then I just give them his number and say goodbye. LOL. Usually I get an angry call in a couple hours from exNH!!! HAHAHA

I also found he told some people who know us that I am just "fat & lazy." They had NO IDEA I am permanently disabled. They were stunned to find out. Not too happy with him either...

too bad so sad

The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

March 7, 2010 - 9:13am (Reply to #8)


My n did exactly the same with his partner of 8 years. They split but he convinced her to stay in the same house as flat mates so to speak. So he gets help with laundry etc etc too. Also many people have never found out they have split as he just doesn't mention it. He hasn't even told his parents as far as I am aware - as you say it helps him save face and gives the image of a loyal and loving family man.

March 7, 2010 - 2:07pm (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

devil you know

unfortunately some victims have no choice - especially if the narc is paying the bills...

if the victim doesn't work or can't work (disabled) at least staying in the house gives them a decent place to live

this might be better that fighting the system! devil you know vs. devil you don't know.

The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

March 6, 2010 - 9:32am (Reply to #3)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

together but separate......

i know that the psychonarc always lived off someone else while searching for victims...he was married to his first wife for about seven years....the last three of which he spent living in the basement...he considered their marriage over, he told her....he announced that they would have 'separate lives'....but of course he continued to LIVE off her...he spent the last five years of our 'marriage' in a similar fashion...and i've found out that he did this with several more women...he once day announced that their relationship was now strictly a 'business arrangement'..the proceeded to do whatever he please...while refusing to leave.....i think many of the parasite maintain a 'host' somewhere...while leading their infamous 'secret separate lives'....
My blog

March 6, 2010 - 10:09am (Reply to #4)

Tickling as Abuse,,very sly and cunning

Yes, it can be abuse, in the worst way, combine "pleasure and Pain" done against the will of the victim.

My exN is a sociopath, and got me at work. He would take me to lunch, while driving he would put his hands on my leg, then in my crotch. I would say "get outta here, what the hell are you doing"

He thought this was really funny.

Totally inappropriate and made me very uncomfortable.

Not to mention we would walk into a resturaunt, and he would have a bonor sticking out of his pants.

I think he was on viagra or something.

This was also embarrassing, and he would say "you make me like this from kissing you"

At lunch. In the middle of your work?


He would slap my ass at work, push me in may chair so I couldn't sit up, and just look at me down there, and laugh.

It wasn't really a laugh,, it was more like a evil smile with noise.

He would slam up against me in the elevator, squeeze by breast, then stop by the next floor.

He would put his hand up my skirt or shirt while we were at a resturaunt.

I would tell him to stop,,why honey?

It was not because he was attracted to me. Now I realize all this was done to have power over me.

That is it.

I truly think it has nothing to do with him being attracted to me, wanting to love me, or build a life together.

It is only about them having power over another.

March 7, 2010 - 10:28am (Reply to #5)

My ex N did not tickle but

My ex N did not tickle but the groping etc. reminds me of what he did do.

He would hug me from behind which should be a nice, tender gesture, right? But he would then start simulating humping me, and making "ooh oh ooh oh!" sounds, which he thought was funny. I told him to stop every time he did it and he didn't, he just laughed at me. He then got the opportunity to point out, yet again, how uptight of a person I was, versus himself, who was so happy and "freed-up" as he liked to say. It never mattered to him that he was freed-up at the expense of others. He would do this stuff in front of our daughter, too, or company, or whomever. Makes me want to vomit now that I did not run sooner. What a creep. It did feel abusive at the time and like he was making a statement of dominance and power. But he would not respect my wishes - or those of anyone watching, for that matter.

March 7, 2010 - 10:29pm (Reply to #6)


My N did that to me last night after we came home from a community dinner for a youth organization for which is is the president. He gropes me when he's been drinking a lot so I try to avoid him. He traps me so I can't get away and I tell him to stop. Mostly he grabs my breasts really hard and twists my nipples. So hard last night that I have several scratches and I feel bruised on the upper half of my body. I have to wear a bra to bed tonight so it doesn't hurt as much. But this is it for me, I am leaving for the last time in a few weeks for good.

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