Hi, I'm new to this site and I'm having a very hard time accepting the total rejection and cut off my narcissist has shown me. When I met this man he was beautiful, caring, helpful and seemed to have a lot of depth and showed me a lot of attention. Within months, the lies started to come out and it was very obvious whenever his ex needed him, he would run to her side, of course he said he did this only for his son. I tried to understand this and be compassionate, but later I found out she had again decided to stay with the guy she left him for and that is why he came back to me.
When I found out he was lying I had a grand mal seizure which I have never suffered before. During the time we were split, he even went to a swingers party and had sex with two women at once. I didnt find this out for over two years and it wasn't by his admission. For years I've endured lies, I found a list of prostitutes in his work bag, he's abandoned me nearly every xmas in 9 years & at special times of the year and kicked me out of our rented home numerous times when his father was coming to visit with his son. He has also gone as far as throwing my things down the stairs onto the front of the property.
His father and friends don't like me as N has told them so many one sided stories and has never admitted to the abuse. They all think I'm crazy. His father is a misogynist cross dresser, N's mother left when he was 6 years old and his father said she would never see the kids again due to her cheating. His mother ran away and never came back and his father was also able to enlist the help of N's mothers parents to take his side. He then lived with them and the grandparents basically raised N.
Each time he has treated me badly I have stayed away, then once his visitors leave, he is back on at me begging me to return and once even said if I didn't return he would let my beloved show horses out on the road. He then apologises and I loved the man I met so much that I've gone back hoping he has learned that his father is no good.
12 Months ago, I left for good, bought my own property and this is when the changed man really came out. He would get me to come and visit them saying his father and sister had visited the state and not even visited him, which I know to be true. He has told me he has been to a counsellor and she explained to him that his family are not decent and kicking me out for them wasn't decent either and he's sorry. He went as far as saying, he has finally woken up and they will never dictate to him again and he wants to see me and finally have a life together. I would go and see him, he would treat me wonderfully, cook me a meal, tell me to relax and choose what
I want to watch then he would get his sex and hardly even bother about me for the next couple of days or call me the next day and say, "I just called to say hi, got to go now". No talk of the night or anything he feels, nothing. I would get angry over knowing I was being used and tell him to leave me alone.
For years he has treated me like a sex toy and I have done things that I'm not proud of, I became like a porn star, anything went but it never involved any other people, nor did he ever ask me to be with any other people at the same time. For the last six months I have begged him to be good to me, to love me, open up and that I need intimacy not to just have him fall asleep on the couch and then want kinky sex once we go to bed. He has not contacted me for 8 weeks now sine he got his last night of sex, I have begged him to talk to me, left messages on his voicemail, texted him and nothing, its like he's dead. I only managed to get him to call me once when I texted him saying I would give in and he could live with me on my property but I needed some answers and his father wasn't welcome there unless he was going to treat me with respect . He replied by text saying he wanted to talk, but still made me call him. He still sounded very detached and a don't really care attitude, take it or leave it. I asked him why he thinks he can offer nothing emotionaly to me, have sex with me, tell me he loves me during it and then doesn't consider my heart and feelings. I also said I feel like you just use me and I never ever thought he could be capable of that. He started to laugh and say thats crap. I told him it wasn't funny and I was so upset I told him to figure out what he wants and ended the call.
I haven't heard from him in two weeks and when I called him today he has cut off his phone, changed jobs and moved without telling me where he lives or works. It was like he finally decided if he wanted a life with me he was going to have to admit some truths and become a better man. After 9 years, who is this person, I am totally devastated and he has blamed all of this on me. I feel like I've suffered terrible abuse and he just disappears and abandons me completely. How could he do all of this to me? I'm thinking he must have met another or needs to hurt me as I bought my own place. I had no choice, he kept kicking me out and I couldn't afford bonds every time I had to get a new property to rent.
Please help me, I feel like I cannot function but I know he's gone forever. He knows where I live but has never been here once, he refused to see what I had bought. I cry every day, read everything I can about Narcissism but cannot apply it to my own situation. He can be so loving, fun, warm and affectionate then If I ask for anything concrete or any form of loyalty or courage, he's gone.