Do they hate their mothers? Or secretly long to be loved by them?

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#1 February 15, 2010 - 11:49pm

Do they hate their mothers? Or secretly long to be loved by them?

I've always read that narcissism is attached to issues with the mother. If narcissists hate women, then do they hate their mothers? Or do they really just want to be accepted and loved by their mothers? Or is it both?

February 17, 2010 - 10:53am

Dreaded V-man aside...

I've read in many places that Ns have mommy issues. I believe my 2nd N had some serious freudian Oedipal issues (my therapist agrees, after recounting all his wierdo sexual issues to her)...which of course goes back to mommy. Not saying all Ns do, but I find that a really interesting thing to explore (now that I'm past the excruciating horror of his immediate aftermath). I'm not sure, but I sensed mommy issues with my first N too. But I also think his mom could have been an N (which they say, can result in the child becoming one).

My 2nd N also had "bullies" in his family history: a maternal grandfather and paternal grandmother. They've passed now, but looking back on what his family said about them, they could have been an N. So, that seems to support that it could be both nature and nurture that lead a child to become an N. Double whammy, so to speak.

Obviously, I'm not an expert, but thought I'd share some of my own thoughts, experience and research I've done.

February 17, 2010 - 7:36am

WHY Doesn't Really Matter - Your Life Is What Matters

Your life, and getting the Narc out of it as soon as possible - that is what matters.

God only gave us one life, and I don't think he wants for us to spend it with something as EVIL as a Narcissist.

The only reason I would ever be interested in learning why is to make sure my sons do not turn into one of these Psychopaths.

But they are probably born that way. Then again, maybe it is how they are raised, their families tend to be crazier than sh*t.

So get to know their families and you will get to know what they probably are.

February 16, 2010 - 12:07am

Another reason why I am

Another reason why I am pondering this is because I've noticed through my readings (on here and various articles and books) that the narcissist usually has issues with their mother. She either dies, is too critical, was never there for him, becomes ill, etc.

And because they have Mommy issues, that is usually why they are so sexual and treat women as if they are to be punished sexually. Or they avoid sex altogether to punish women.

February 17, 2010 - 11:48am (Reply to #18)

Mommy dearest

my SOCIOPATH/NARCISSIST Ex mother catered to him hand and foot!Even coming to his home when he was 21 years old to rub his head while he went to sleep(he had an accident where he had headaches)............she also cooked for his ass.

February 17, 2010 - 1:27am (Reply to #17)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


got off on Sam the psychopath and lost my train of thought..Narcs have issues with everyone....and their Mommy is no different.....the psychonarc claimed to love his Mommydearest to long as her checkbook was available to him.....but as soon as she cut him off.....he hated her guts and never spoke to her again.....whether it's their parents or someone they met ten minutes makes no difference..everyone is an object to them....if they can't use you....they discard you.....

February 15, 2010 - 11:57pm
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

that's a complete misstatement

I don't know where you read that because it's never been widely accepted by clinicians.

Narcs can be made or born that way or both. Their brains are LITERALLY wired differently. MRIs have shown their brain structures to be different.

There are LOADS of female Narcs too. My mother was one.

They don't hate women - they hate everyone. They believe they are special and entitled. Only the author of that nonsense has MOMMY ISSUES - and he does this a lot - makes himself the gold standard for Narcs. Blech!

A great book is WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU by Dr. Sandy Hotchkiss as well as Lisa's book.

The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

February 16, 2010 - 12:01am (Reply to #2)

I read Sam V's book.

I read Sam V's book. Something about how the mother (or father) either overly praises or doesn't show love to the boy.

February 16, 2010 - 12:07am (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I thought so

this site is a Sam V. free zone - we don't discuss him or his B.S. & misinformation and gobbledygoop

here's why:

I had a feeling it was his nonsense about "mother hating" and "female hating"

PLEASE burn that book... and read some real stuff by real doctors/ psychologists on pathology:

The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

February 16, 2010 - 12:12am (Reply to #4)

I spent $50 on that book and

I spent $50 on that book and it was what helped me to see that my ex is a narcissist. I don't necessarily have to believe everything I am told by that book or by any other article. I am pondering the idea though. I've heard the saying: if he treats his mother badly, he'll treat you badly.

February 16, 2010 - 12:15am (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture


ask for your money back

it was written for supply, for money and is wall to wall b.s.

The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

February 16, 2010 - 1:11pm (Reply to #6)

so why do you hate Sam so much?

Other than you believe he is a liar -- seriously, not trying to be a pain in the butt, I've read his stuff and the web is full of his stuff, why is his stuff not good?

a woman learning to love again

February 16, 2010 - 2:26pm (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

no further discussion

did you bother to read the link I posted... and all the links in it?

(scroll down and read under 'BEWARE')

he's a psychopath
a convicted felon
a fake diploma
writes about himself and really knows very little about the true clinical nature of Narcs and Socio/Psychopaths - ie: He has MOMMY ISSUES so he states it as true for ALL NARCS - which is not supported by research
he and his forums abuse victims further

he has a number of forums online... if you wish to use them and discuss his nonsense there

hate is a strong word...
my concern is for us victims... not some self-aggrandizing sociopath... (I have lost count of the victims I have worked with who left his forums in worse shape then they started!)
he will not be discussed here again and this thread will be erased.

The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

February 16, 2010 - 3:22pm (Reply to #13)

thank you -- thank you -- thank you

it is good to know all of this Barbara -- it is good to know who to trust and what to believe particularly when we are in a more vulnerable state than normal.

a woman learning to love again

February 16, 2010 - 3:23pm (Reply to #14)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

web of deceit

don't think for one minute this predator isn't acutely aware of the vulnerability of victims and uses the web and his posted everywhere stuff to lure them in.

who do you think POSTED ALL THAT STUFF? That's what he does with his time. Spinning his web to lure in the vulnerable; as if he's an "expert."

Psycho-Boy did/ does the same as do many of them. Post stuff about what great guys they are or articles or whatever on the web over & over & over. Psycho-Boy used to write for a religious-based publication, and worked for 2 BIG children's entertainment firms - guess that made him look o.k. I know of a psychopath/bigamist who used the fact that he had US Gov't. clearance to verify he was an O.K. guy!! If it's posted - they figure the naive will 'believe' it. Look at those of them that pad their Facebook or MySpace pages full of 'friends'... gag! As if that would make me believe they are an O.K. guy.

REMEMBER WHAT Franklin D. Roosevelt said:
Repetition does not transform a lie into the truth."

The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

February 16, 2010 - 3:30pm (Reply to #15)

you know I miss being naive

it was a lot easier that way. this whole thing has changed me so greatly. Ignorance is bliss. Now, I need to be blissful with knowledge of predators . It is such a paradigm shift and I actually think that is what is stinting my healing. I am struggling with letting go of a survival/self defense tactic that no longer works -- probably was my best way to survive for years - it was how I coped with my Dad, but burying my head in the sand isn't going to give my daughter the life she deserves and needs. I want to give her what mother couldn't find the strength to give me. Man, I get a new gray hair every single day -- I don't die it since I am earning each and every one. Thanks again for keeping us on the straight and narrow

a woman learning to love again

February 16, 2010 - 3:10pm (Reply to #8)

thats terrible!!

He is terrible!!your concern for victims is well founded. LIke every other Narc-it's all about HIM!nasty man!

February 16, 2010 - 3:24pm (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

watch & learn

just the way he treats his wife should say it all:

The truth will set you free... but first it will piss you off - Gloria Steinem

Visit My Abuse Website

February 17, 2010 - 1:22am (Reply to #10)
narcnarcwhosthere (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

sam's spews

it was one of the first books i read about Narcs...and that's not a good thing....being a psychopath himself, the main objective is to make himself and others like him into victims of their 'disorder'......he's a predator....however.....once you know something about Narcs...reading his book gives you even more insight into how the mind of a psychopath need to buy it....he's got enough of it posted all over the world that you can read it for free.....typical case of a narc agrandizing himself into poverty........

February 17, 2010 - 2:31am (Reply to #11)


ALL sociopaths and psychopaths ARe narcissists,but,not all narcissists are socio/psychopaths-this is what my shrink says,and,my ex is a sociopath=he can lie,cheat,try to harm me and STILL think hes mr wonderful! Do not think for a moment ANY of us meant any damn thing to them.My ex even went on about loving his mother but said if my mother(were alive and)- knew how bad off i were she'd come out of the nursing home to wait on me! The old woman was in a wheel chair before she died.

February 17, 2010 - 2:36am (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

same spectrum

your shrink is correct

narcissism is on one end of this disorder's spectrum... the more they exploit and use... the further up the scale to sociopathy or psychopathy they go.

The world is a dangerous place, not only because of those who do evil, but because of those who look on and do nothing. - Albert Einstein

Visit My Info. Website for Abuse Victims

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