Lucky's Story

I have been online dating and this last year decided to really give it a go this last year, since I have been a solo parent to my two kids, being both the Mom and Dad, the nuturer and the provider. It was time for me...

One person in particular was very persistent in contacting/meeting me... last year, I turned him down (he was very reactive) then 6 months later, he tried again on two different dating sites. When we finally connected, I felt an instant and mutual attraction.... we started chatting online with IMs and webcams and things escalated between us very quickly. At the time, I thought this was such a good sign, the chemistry was amazing, even at a distance (he lives in the next Province). We met in person on two occasions, and the physical connection between us was exactly as we both expected. The excitement and the attraction was mutual. He told me at one point, "I'm falling for you!" and other comments that seemed he was interested in the whole package!

Becuz of the distance, the majority of our interactions were via online chatting (Instant Messaging with/and without web cam), email, and text. He eagerly gave me his phone #'s at first, and we chatted, but eventually didnt want phone calls. I repeatedly asked for more phone calls in between meeting, but he would not accommodate, even though I said, I cant get a read on you... cant tell if you are angry, joking, etc.

In between all the positive emotions we were feeling, he would occasionally be condescending, belittling, cut conversations short before responding to my questions, become manipulative, controlling, jealous, and possessive, which seemed to increase in frequency and intensity over time. The fact that it was online, made it hard for me to tell the tone of voice, etc.

But I kept tuning in to MY feelings and recognized them from long ago (ex-husband was pathological), until I finally realized that I likely was dealing with an Abuser, and from the little that I knew of him, he fit perfectly into the description of a Nacissistic type of abuser.

In the end, I refused to comply with his manipulations, feeling hurt and angry that he had no regard for my feelings, thoughts, opinions. The third time, he was coming into town and we were to meet, it was all about sex and what HE wanted to do in particular. I had told him more than once I was not comfortable with doing these things, and then asked, "Is this all you are interested in doing when you are here?!" His response?... "Sensitive are we? LOL" I replied that I thought that was a fair question, and wanted an open, honest response. To this he texted the reply, "Cya later! Not into drama!"

How Cruel! Blaming and accusing ME! I am not a dramatic type, and further, he was accusing me of jealousy because I wouldn't comply with a 3rd party for sex! Overly jealous is HIM freakin out because I was online 'checking my messages!'

So I told him (via text since he controlled the communication methods) that he was NOT honest and open as he SAID and wrote in his profiles but that he was being manipulative. There were a few emails, texts thereafter, and he was very cruel, or ignored me,basically ditching me as though I meant nothing after 6 months of constant and intense emotional/sexual involvement. I was shocked that someone could go from, I think of you everyday, you turn me on so much... to Cya Later!

I am still healing emotionally, reaffirming my boundaries. But.... believe it or not, I still have some doubts about whether or not this guy was a Narcissist, because I hardly saw him in person. I know that his treatment of me was cruel and abusive in the end, and I know that should be enough.

But what is so hurtful is that he cut all communication, at the crux of my desire for him and longing to see him. He gave me no explanation, no validation, just cut me off. However, I really did call him on his BS having figured out his evil plan! ha ha. And believe me, i was in a very confused place with him, it took a lot of deep thinking to uncover it. I just wish I had kept my composure - in my last message, I swore at him online and told him he was full of crap, that he used excuses not to call, my instincts were right about him LAST YEAR, and my standard of how I'm treated is higher, etc. I was so angry... and HURT!

I messaged him again some time ago, asking him to delete from his computer some very racy pics of me he had. That also bothers me, where those might end up. I seemed to be under a spell or something for a while, as he requested these pics. In the beginning I actually felt safe with him! He responded with an email, simply ... "Done." I don't know whether to believe him or not, but cant do anything about it now. I still had some doubts that we were just misunderstanding, miscommunicating with each other, and he actually had a shred of decency in there, so I responded with a simple, "Thanks :)" (feeling relieved that he had deleted them!). His response?....

"I have NO interest in hearing from someone who is like you. Don't contact me anymore! Thanks!" (Anyone have an interpretation for THAT one? ha!)

Outraged, I texted him "Like a TRUE ABUSER you have tried to blame me for your disgusting behavior! Your phone and email are BLOCKED! Don't contact ME anymore!" He texted something cruel back, always had to have the last say!

Of all the nerve, making ME into the bad one, as though I was abusing HIM!

I think all this means that he will avoid me at all costs, although there was one occasion after shutting things down once before, he did contact me again. A friend of mine says at some point, like a typical Abuser, he will dangle out the line again... just to see if I will take it....

I know this is not right, but I still can't get him out of my head, my attraction initially went so deep. I cry because I think I will never feel that much attraction for anyone again. Why did it have to be from someone who was such a creep?! I feel like he stole my sexuality. I know I shouldnt want contact with him, but I still do... and that is the problem. He is not trying to contact me and I still want closure, understanding. And of course, because I had to figure all this out under a cloak of sorts, I still feel like I maybe have the wrong diagnosis.

Does he sound like a Narcissist to you?

PS: My Screen name is 'Lucky' becuz it was at a distance, and I think I caught it before it got even worse. He was married before, and described his ex as a 'pathological liar' who chooses not to spend any quality time with her daughter. Says his daughter spends most of her time with him, and ex lost custody of her 3 daughters from a previous marriage due to her issues. Says, he 'got away from her.' Hmmmmmmmm....