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'sex is dirty' remarks

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#1 Oct 1 - 4AM
MissM
MissM's picture

'sex is dirty' remarks

My exCop made a few flippant remarks after sex that it was dirty and he felt dirty. Not guilty i must add, just dirty or filthy.

Even tho he was all about sex and owned his own sex toys (red flag).

Anyone else experience this or similar?

Oct 1 - 6AM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

shame dumping

exNH always said 'sex is dirty' and his favorite 'sex is WIERD' (I hate the word WIERD now) but he didn't own toys, wouldn't watch porn, didn't like to be touched at ALL. Yours sounds like he's blame shifting and shame-dumping on you. It's as if he's saying YOU are dirty. To them sex is just SEX. http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/03/16/sex-narcissists-and-it-just-sex http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/29/when-sex-way-too-important http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2008/05/28/are-narcissists-warped-sexually When Psycho-Boy was caught he told me and his California GF that he "had to be strong" because she and I were "too much of a temptation" for him and he had to "stop talking to us because it was hurting his wife." So it was OUR FAULT he was a psychopathic sex addict! He also said he was cutting off all his IM programs. In reality, he just changed his online persona and never stopped and never apologized. It's never their fault - even their sex drive is OUR FAULT! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 1 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

I Hate the Word "WEIRD" now too!

My ex-N used the word "weird" ANYTIME he wanted to make me feel like sh*t. It worked. WHO wants to be called, "weird"!? "Ewwww, that's 'weird!'" he'd say, after I would comment (quite naturally) my opinion about ANYTHING. I hate him....I hate all of them. THEY'RE WEIRD. Jerk Psycho A&&holes. neveragain
Oct 1 - 7AM (Reply to #2)
MissM
MissM's picture

realise now it was shame dumping

now I see. It did feel peculiar at the time.. like i'd made him do sth he didn't want to do. Or that i was dirty and cheap. In the same evening he also remarked, while having sex, that 'women are always trying to sap the sperm out of you'. Oh i'm with u on the use of 'weird'. I bloody hate that word now. He was always 'feeling weird' or telling me (jokingly) that I was a weirdo. He liked nightmares too 'the weirder the better'. Mine didn't care about kissing unless during sex. I'm up to chapter 6 of Women who Love P's and COMPLETELY see the dynamic of how we were 'made for each other'.
Oct 1 - 8AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

more on shame dumping & projection

Shame dumping is a form of projection. It's probably one of the most confusion and plays on your FOG with them (Fear Obligation Guilt). It's another fantastic reason to adhere to absolute No Contact! http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/30/projection-made-easy http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/04/10/am-i-who-he-says-i-am Sandy Hotchkiss uses the words 'shame dumping' (which are imho more accurate than projection) in her great book "WHY IS IT ALWAYS ABOUT YOU? The 7 Deadly Sins of Narcissism" Psycho-Boy used the "I want you so bad I couldn't control myself around you" B.S. line to not see me for weeks or months on end but to continue to reel me in for cybersex or chat. Of course now he tells people I am so fat and ugly he couldn't stand to be around me... LOL. I am overweight due to my illness(es) but I have never had anyone go running away from me on the street. In fact, I have been repeatedly told I am very warm & approachable. Shame Dumping is abuse. Covert and very toxic. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Pathologicals only discard the best, most precious of gems of people... not the worst. They despise the strong, principled, decent & honest. Their discarding of you is then their highest commendation of your worth!" - A.V.
Oct 1 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
destiny (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

N thought he was being

N thought he was being punished by God for having too much sex in the past. Yet phone sex was OK with OW even a married OW. In the beg of our relationship he went to confession and we didnt even have intercourse. It was very very odd.