How long does the Honeymoon phase last????

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#1 September 18, 2009 - 10:16pm
Anonymous (not verified)
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How long does the Honeymoon phase last????

Does anyone remember or know how long the honeymoon phase lasts? My ex N has been with his new gf for 3 and half months and I was just wondering if she's starting to see any signs. I think he's still romancing her with the "instability" of maybe he'll be around and maybe he won't. He's talking about moving to Phoenix for a new job. After thinking about it, It sounds like its one of his manipulating ways to hook her with the possibility of not being around. He has no damn business in Phoenix. Probably just blowing smoke up her ass to hook her. Claims to be dating an accountant (the guy who uses women for money!). If she's smart, she won't loan him any...

September 19, 2009 - 12:27pm

Honeymoon Phase

I strung my N along for about 9 months. I had been married for about four years to an ogre when N-guy approached me. My N was fun, funny and charming (a real spinner of bullshit in hindsight). He always claimed that it was his personal policy to never go after married women, making it sound as if he was such an upstanding guy. He told me that even though I was in an unhappy marriage at the time, he made the exception, wanting to help me.

That's the one thing about my N -- he loves damsels in distress!

I continued putting him off of the physical side of a relationship, trying to figure out how I could handle this thing with him and my husband. I thought, since I was attracted to him, I should probably get out of my marriage and take things from there. It was obvious I wasn't happy. When my divorce finally came through, I told him honestly that I didn't think I could have a physical relationship with him. He was living with a woman at the time (a truth I unearthed, not that he admitted to me) and I thought, boy, what kind of hell am I going to put myself through if I go ahead and get physical with him?

Well, when I broke the news to him that I couldn't take the relationship where he wanted it to go, boy, did his charming, funny and sociable mask come off. When I tried to explain the moral issues that I was wrestling with, he showed such a sneering contempt for the fact I had a conscience. He told me he would never speak to me again. I told him I couldn't decide if this was just a game he was playing or if he was truly evil. I now realize ... IT WAS BOTH!! He did wind up apologizing to me for the way he treated me. Sounded sincere at the time but he probably figured he had just blown it with me and wanted to do some damage control.

That was an experience that showed me his TRUE character, not the funny, charming, considerate guy he pretended to be. It was disturbing, to say the least.

September 19, 2009 - 11:13am
cynthia (not verified)
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I remember

I was a LD thing to him, so he could keep that going much longer that if I lived close to him, mine lasted about 8 months but the times he wanted to see me started to decline and then the mask came off and I found out just what he always wanted me for, HIS DEVIATED SEXUAL PRIVATE LIFE, when he could not brainwash me into doing this the contacts became less and less in the end he just kept me on the side thinking maybe one day I would miss him so much I would come thru for him, that honeymoon phase was nothing but RAPE there was never love, only pure evil he had on his agenda for me, its a hard thing to recover from let alone accept and understand

September 19, 2009 - 1:02am
Rose-Marie (not verified)
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Honeymoon Phase

I read somewhere that they cannot maintain the honeymoon phase much beyond six months although some of them seem to maintain it until they've got you hooked i.e. by marriage or moving in together.

N2 and I had a long distance relationship and emailed for some six months before we even met up - there was no indication from the emails that he was anything but a nice, ordinary person - nothiing.

When we met up, we got on really well, but on the third date I think it was, he made a weird comment and I brushed it off thinking he had been out of the dating scene for many years.
On the fourth date I must have said something which upset him, because he snapped at me, at my gut feeling kicked in - I should have taken this as a serious red flag, but didn't. From then on it was gradually downhill all the way. I think someone "savvy" would have seen through him and got out quicker than I did.

So, I think it depends on the individual Narc. Some can keep it hidden for a long time, while others show signs very early on, which can be missed by the unsuspecting partner.

Oh and talking about using her money - N2 had money and claimed many times that he was a generous man, contributing to charity etc. he talked about this a lot. However, after the luring in period, he did not want to spend his money on me - when he did, he then automatically expected me to contribute equally towards things - I did not mind doing that, but it was the change in his attitude towards me and our "relationship" which was shocking.

I am not sure I shall ever date again.


September 19, 2009 - 1:26am (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
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how long

months... years it's hard to know.

As long as they are getting supply and have the new prey in their thrall.

CLICK HERE: Articles & information for Narc Victims - Updated Daily

"As soon as you feel that crazy sense of walking on eggshells, fending off N-rage, stop. Walk away." - Dr. M. Beck

September 19, 2009 - 8:09am (Reply to #3)
dolce (not verified)
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Although there are signs

Although there are signs early on, the honeymoon phase I believe will continue until he feels he has got you or he becomes bored. Theres no set timetable.

September 19, 2009 - 8:55am (Reply to #4)

Mine lasted for 3 months at

Mine lasted for 3 months at a time this happened three times .They where all speckled with red flags but after the the hic ups he would turn on the charm big time and i would be put back into my bubble .
The first red flag i remember and this is a new memory was just before we got together and we where at a bar with friends thinking of going dancing and it was decided that we would have another drink before and i said to him "go to the bar then i recon " and he snapped at me "dont tell me what to do " my friend a minute later said to him "go to the bar " and he said "sure " and off he went .I remember saying to my friend " he didnt snap at you thats strange" .This was prof that he was targeting me and setting the ground rules before we even got together .The fucked up NARC .One rule for you the girlfriend and another rule for everyone else .
My darling narc has reasently got himself a new victim . Here is what she is to expect if she gets past his sexual issue .(which if he dosnt
act fast on her with the old NLP should be her red flag ).Ha HA .
One month of dream like happyness , blissfull bubble of romance . then he will drink too much and say something strange . If she has savy she will answer back and the first agument will happen .Im the morning he will hug her all morning and make her feel so loved , he will make brakfast and tell her how beautiful she looks and they will make love all day .
Two weeks will pass and then the same thing will happen except this time he will begin to call her names in a passive agressive way (he will never loose his temper it will all be said through gritted teeth )just rinse and repeat several times untill the D&D starts in earnest . Down she will go in a game of "i love you i dont love you " till her head is spinning and then the final nail in the coffin and she is out the door not knowing what hit her .If it was like my first D&D it was just after a morning fuck (sorry to be crude but it was just a fuck 30 seconds to be accurate )i was still wearing a towle and he said "i cant do a relationship , i dont love you good bye "
Then 4 maybe 5 weeks will pass and back he comes and the whole cycle starts again.
Oh my i wish i could tell her but she would never believe me that this charming loving man will turn out to be the most sick evil she will ever know .
Maybe she will dump his sorry arse but then guess what would happen then "ring ring . hello peru i missed you so much "

Peru x

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