destiny's story

First I want to say I love this site, I cant stop reading it.

Im going to give brief history.

first D&D happened in Dec...first it was my idea to dump him...then I felt bad for the way I did it...and then he turned around and dumped me. I begged for him to stay in my life as a friend(not knowing he was a narc) I didnt think this would have me hanging on a string as he told me he missed and loved me, but couldnt be with me because we fight.

All i had to do was be nice to him, as it was the fighting that was keeping him from me.......so I tried and tried...

then it just got too bad and the 2nd D&D happenend. I was a mess he told me we would never talk again...he saw now that I needed to move on before we could be friends and I was right...he was sorry but he just couldnt do it. He would always love me and pray for me. Meanwhile, he would text now and then, if i replied he wouldnt reply.
I finally emailed him and he said he was overwhelmed and that it was tough on him too and that is why he wasnt replying....this was about two weeks into the no contact and I emailed and then we talked.

Fast forward....3rd D&D happened after a Valentines date...wonderful date, he said he loved me ...treated me well said he really liked just dating me ...blah blah blah. then I call him later that nite like he asked and he was on the other line never picked up to take my call. I calmly said how this hurt...and of course he hung up on me. a few days later a very hurtful D&D

He vanished with NC for two more weeks...started calling again and hanging up not leaving a vm...i ignored calls...i finally answer and he does the classic blaming me for it all...blow out fight on the phone...next day he is calling constantly again.

things seem to settle in as friends, we are closer listening to eachother etc. then I find out from someonelse about the OW(s) he was involved with....and all were who I suspected...it hurt, but I stuck by him as it appeared one OW was smearing him all over the place.

The final D&D happend three weeks ago...after I sent some very nasty emails to him because i just couldnt take it anymore after I received an email from him basically ending it because he couldnt take the fighting....a few days prior to that I ended it with him...so yes once again he had to turn it to be his idea. He set his phone so it only takes known calls, and his email is set that way as well. I recieved two emails stating I am to never contact him again ever..and that will be our last communication..as we both agreed it would be and we said everything there was to say. He said it will be a very long time if we talk ever again. Friends dont treat him like I did.

this last D&D is rough bc he made himself so much apart of my life said I was his bestfriend, he was glad I stuck by him blah blah blah...but was tired of the fighting. Tough because I should have kicked him to the curb long ago. I think it was all calculated on his part too as I would sometimes say to him are you planning on another two week break and he would say next time it will be longer :-/

Im in therapy, but all of this is just so tough to digest. the fake him is what I miss....and I have never ever had someone go so far to block me...infact until him I have never been blocked!! I rarely called him anyway, so I dont know why he had to go to such an extreme.

I am filling my time with other things...slowly getting out of the fog...but it is a tough void to fill. I guess I wonder was this it, will he not be back again? I know after all he has done to me and how he just cut off his supposed best friend even crying when he hung up...I dont think i will pick up my phone to him if he were to call.

sorry this is kinda long, i just kept typing...if you made it this far thanks for reading.