sally's story

Hello everyone!

I have recently come across this website and have found your posts to be very helpful. I have certainly related to many of your experiences, however my situation is different. I am not the girlfriend or wife of a narcissist, but have been working with a young, handsome narcissistic man for several years. Although the relationship is less severe, I have experienced many of the same situations and emotional turmoil that you all have.

When I came across information on NPD, I realized that this is what he has because it was like reading about him, from the general down to the most specific behaviors! He is extremely self-centered, arrogant, demeaning, sexist, impulsive, immature, defensive, antagonistic, sexually harassing, manipulative, he lies, has no empathy for anyone except himself, denies his actions, doesn't listen to my or my supervisor's requests for him to stop doing things, is controlling, has often given me "the silent treatment" for extended periods of time and never admits that any of his actions are wrong.

The thing is, I am the only one who sees this side of him. He rarely acts as bad to our other co-workers and he can often be funny and charming. He has many friends and a wife (although submissive and supportive of his ego I'm sure) and he gets along fine with our co-workers, for the most part. When he does do obnoxious things, others either laugh it off or ignore it because he is cute. I am the only one who is honest with him. I have often defended myself against him and told him when he was being inappropriate and when he was upseting me. He just never cared or told me that I shouldn't be so upset because he was only joking. There were times when he made me feel so frustrated and crazy because he would deny doing things and tell me that I was making them up. I have since learned that the main reason why he feels the need to "punish" me is because I do defend myself against him, I don't stroke his ego and ultimatley I don't give him his narcissistic supply.

It has been so difficult dealing with him in a work setting. I have been especially upset because he has turned some of my co-workers against me (by lying or being charming) even my supervisor at times. I could never express that I think he has this problem because no one would ever believe me, least of all him. I have also been so confused by my feelings for him because a part of me feels sorry for him and wants to help him and another part gets so mad at him. At times, we do get along and he can be funny and act "normal". I can definately relate to the "roller-coaster" metaphor that many women refer to with having this type of relationhship! I have so often told myself that my relationship with him feels like a roller coaster ride.

Even though I don't think he believes that there is anything wrong with himself and he is always happy, I'm sure he must feel that something is "off". I have certainly expressed my concerns to him enough times about his behaviors! I am just sad for him because I believe that he was emotionally neglected and criticized by his father when he was a child, which led to this disorder. Knowing this is what has helped me to deal with the consequences of his actions and it has helped me to understand why he acts the way he does, even though I still live with the complexity and frustartion of it all. I hope that some of you find it helpful in your situations as well.

I just wanted to see if there is anyone out there who has worked with a narcissist or who has had a similar experience to mine. I would love to hear from you. It helps to know that others understand what you are going through, even when those around you do not.

Good luck to everyone!