Furious

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#1 Jul 2 - 2PM
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Furious

I just found out that the N fired his second attorney and hired a new one. He has filed for divorce, and is asking that I pay him $1900 from escrow refunds and is holding me in contempt for "revealing information to the children" about his relationship with another woman. He is accusing me of alienating our 14-year-old from him.

OMFG! I revealed information!!!! He left condom wrappers on the couch, leaves her shit all over his apartment, lied to our daughter repeatedly, left notes out about her, had her spend the night with he and our 5-year-old, and it's MY FAULT that his relationship with her sucks!

I am SOOO pissed! I know that he is trying to bring me down before I go on my trip. I'm leaving on Sunday for Russia for a month. Can't wait to get the HELL out of here, worried about my kids though.

I was good yesterday--out on the lake with friends, prepared for him filing for divorce after 18 months of separation. But today--I'm a wreck. I went to my daughter's swimming lessons and he was there with the babysitter. She hadn't come in yet, she left with her head hanging down low ladies, taking tiny, tip-toeing steps so that I wouldn't see her, or so she thought. It is at a public pool and I paid for the lessons, so of course I am going to be there! I didn't even make eye contact with him, just ignored him and acted like he wasn't there.

I wish that she would stay the f""@# away from my children! What are they thinking? Meanwhile, he is still leaving stuff out in his apartment for my kids to see. Babysitter gave him a certificate for a Massage (at a very girly spa, I might add) that said "To my wonderful man". My daughter was grossed out and said that she took the certificate and all of the babysitters' crap and put it in a box. He came home from work and screamed at her for snooping and threw the box at her, telling her to put it all back.

AAAArrrruuugghh!! I am trying so hard to rise above all of this stuff. Luckily, I have an appointment with my counselor today. Much needed.

Jul 2 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

pathetic

Pathetic - truly pathetic. All because of him and his "image." He doesn't even realize he flushed that image all by his stoopid psycho self. Pervert. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 2 - 4PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Dcrutche

Oh he's doing the "pre-emptive strike" approach. Dcrutche this is LAUGHABLE... and its pure PROJECTION. Make sure your attorney knows the score and you have EVIDENCE! Be sure your child(ren) are willing to testify. remain CALM - he's trying to set you off. Read this (over & over & over) UNDERSTANDING THE BATTERER IN CUSTODY AND VISITATION DISPUTES by R. Lundy Bancroft, author Why Does He Do That? Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men http://www.thelizlibrary.org/liz/understanding-the-batterer-in-visitation-and-custody-disputes.pdf I think we can all relate to the way our abusers resort to spreading lies, malicious projection, finger-pointing, backstabbing, false rumours by factless innuendo and cruel insinuation and recruiting allies who join the abusers to augment his smear campaign. This rallying of troops to his 'camp', the enablers that work with them, is the well-worn tactic of the personality disordered fending off exposure. His lies and calumny an effective coverup of his own actions. His bruised ego results in him wanting to shame the shamer who could expose his abusive behaviour. An abuser will quickly 'devalue and discard' and break off contact, claiming to be the victim of cruelty from us. His victims are cast in a defensive role by his outburst of lies and character assassination. Abusers will ruthlessly recruit our families, closest friends, employers, colleagues and competitors in his attempt to build support for his smear campaign. Don't expect other people to understand. They don't know about this type of abuser - yet! Even the victim's relatives, friends, and colleagues are amenable to the considerable charm, persuasiveness, and manipulativeness of the abuser and to his impressive thespian skills. The abuser offers a plausible rendition of the events and interprets them to his favor. Others rarely have a chance to witness an abusive exchange first hand and at close quarters. In contrast, the victims are often on the verge of a nervous breakdown: harassed, unkempt, irritable, impatient, abrasive, and hysterical.” ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 2 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Lost my Mind

Yes, this is exactly what he is doing, and yes, I felt completely crazy today. I was SO FURIOUS!!. Luckily, I had an appointment with my Therapist, who is very comforting to me. I feel better, just wish I didn't feel this fury and pain. I just want peace. The beautiful thing is that I was in pretty good shape this morning when I saw him at the pool. Calm, cool, collected. I know that it is just driving him crazy that I look good and happy and that I am going on this trip, am always surrounded by my friends, and am moving on WITHOUT a silly boyfriend. My Therapist said that she thinks because he isn't drinking, he is using the babysitter as an outlet for his frustrations, tension, etc. I KNOW that the sex will never be as good as it was with me. She is trying too hard to please. Talked to my attorney again after I received the papers, he said just go on your trip and we'll deal with it when you come back. My Therapist worked a lot with me today on trying to let go of all of my anxieties about my children while I am gone. It is so difficult to do that when I am with them so much of the time. I can't believe what a liar that man is. He has to live with himself.
Jul 2 - 9PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Dcrutche

I posted that not only to educate you but to show you how TEXTBOOK he is. Send a copy to your attorney from here: http://www.lundybancroft.com/art_batterer_parent.html http://www.stopfamilyviolence.org/get-informed/custody-abuse/problem-overview/understanding-the-batterer-in-custody-and-visitation-disputes http://books.google.com/books?id=Uix-ezdPq_UC&pg=PA115&lpg=PA115&dq=%22lundy+bancroft%22+batterer+%2B+custody&source=bl&ots=22UGbNIJ_L&sig=NBVJIUb7J8LV7eEL2dJIGMD-phw&hl=en&ei=Q2tNSo6XEI7KlAf0-tjGBQ&sa=X&oi=book_result&ct=result&resnum=3 Get that NEW attorney ASAP. Time for you to open a can of whoop-ass on him. And document everything your children tell you or that he texts, messages or emails you. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 2 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Custody

I have sole custody already, and he isn't asking for any change in that, he just wants money and to blame me for his horrible relationship with my daughter and his worsening relationship with my son.