I have my house

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#1 Jul 1 - 7PM
finallydone
finallydone's picture

I have my house

Well... today was a great day I guess. But I feel horrible.

He did show up and the refinancing happened... here's how this went..

He said the other day that he'd be here at 2:00 - well 2:30 rolled around and he wasn't here. I knew he was coming by the house to get the last thing in the garage. At 2:40 I heard him punching the buttons on the keyless entry and he walked in very directly, walked right into the room where I was working (for my actual job) on the computer, took his old outdated "speakerphone" and walked back out to the garage. He didn't look at me, acknowledge me, I could have been a ghost. I have never seen anybody be that cold. I think being called an F'ing B would have been easier to take. It hit me totally in the dead center of my gut.

I tentatively walked out to the garage and asked quietly if he wanted help with the van seats (he has trouble with his back sometimes) and he didn't turn around, didn't shake his head... again nothing. So I walked back into the house and shut the door. This felt really horrible. and then I heard the van leave.

A half hour later I drove out to the other side of town to where the closing was. I had thought it was at a building that was across the street from the actual location and sure enough he was sitting in the parkling lot. I know he saw me and when I realized we were supposed to be across the street, I thought "no way am I walking over to the van." So I called his cell. Two rings and it went to voicemail which means he hit ignore... and I KNOW he could see me down the aisle in my car. So I just said, "John, I know you can see me but the actual location is across the street and I'm going over there." So I did. Three minutes later here he comes.

I walked in the buidling and they took me to a small conference room, then he was brought in a few minutes later. Again, he didn't speak, didn't acknowledge... he stood and stared out the window with his back to me. Then he walked out and I heard him say to somebody, "let me know when they're ready." I sat there thinking this is surely one of the worst nightmares of my life.

Finally the lady came in with the paperwork and he came in and sat at the head of the table with his sunglasses on the whole time. (see www.ashtonwolf.com for a look at his actual appearance) She started going through things and I teared up and quickly apologized... she said, "That's completely okay." and I think she could definitely feel the tension. I went through signing papers, willing my eyes to stop dripping and my heart to stop pounding. He just sat there staring with his arms crossed and his sunglasses on.

When she got to the standard, "here's the paper you need to send us Tuesday morning because you have three business days in case you decide to withdrawl the loan." He interrupted and said, "Wait a minute." She looked over. He said, "I notice that's the first time you've actually looked at me through this whole meeting." She just kept looking at him. (He wasn't yelling, but he's got a very aggressive abrasive tone - don't know how to describe it). He said, "What happens to me if she changes her mind." She looked a little hesitant as to how to respond (of course she did!) So I jumped in with a very gentle tone and said, "John you are correct that if I decided to change my mind then you would still be on the title, but I'm not going to do that you don't have to worry." He said, "I wasn't talking to you - I'm asking her." And "her" said "Well sir... she is correct with what she said." He then said, "I want a copy of that paper." And she said "I'm not allowed to give you a copy because it's not your loan." So I jumped in with a gentle (keeping it really lowkey was my goal) John I'll send you a copy of that paper after I send it to them on Tuesday releasing the loan so that you're comfortable it's been handled. He dismissed me with his hand.

When she asked for the Quitclaim he gave it to her and then said, "Is that it? Are all papers signed?" And she nodded and he left. Just like that.

He had been so strange and abrasive that she looked at me and I looked at her and I said, "I'm so sorry." And she went from strict professional to human woman right before my eyes. She said, "That's okay." I said, "There's a reason why this is happening, he's very controlling." She smiled nodded and said, "Yep... I got that pretty quickly." She was very warm, wished me well, congratulated me and gave me my packet.

So my house is safe, my son doesn't have to worry and I don't have to wonder everyday what mindgame he'll pull. So why do I feel awful that he treated me so utterly coldly. He's devalued me a million times, but never quite like this.... it cut really deep. Saturday he's leaving me a message about just wanting to say hi and can't believe that this is ending and it's so hard and he wants me to be okay and thinks about me and still cares and loves me.. and then it's like I literally wasn't even there.

Do you think I've heard the last of him? I know that's exactly what I should want... and I know that's best... but I think the pure frozen coldness what so disturbing that I can't believe it.

Probably what I need right now is Barbara to read this entire whiny message and kick my A___ for even feeling this way. On the one hand I'm relieved and so many people have called to check on me and make sure that it all went through... but on the other I'm completely numb from today.

Jul 5 - 4PM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Happy Independence Weekend Finallydone!

Congratulations, Finallydone! You are finally done! I'm so happy for you and your son and hope you are celebrating your new found independence this weekend. You deserve it!
Jul 2 - 11AM
Amy
Amy's picture

Congratulations!

Now focus on all of those positive things you said! "So my house is safe, my son doesn't have to worry and I don't have to wonder everyday what mindgame he'll pull." It's all about you now... Not him! Enjoy your life and your time without him! Big hugs! Amy :-)
Jul 2 - 10AM
sassyredhead
sassyredhead's picture

Gratz!

Gratz, finallydone! WOOT!!!!!!!!!!! Happy INDEPENDENCE FROM N DAY!!!!!!!!!!!
Jul 1 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

no ass kicking

No - you did completely human things. He did completely asinine, infantile, inhumane things. Here's what I DO want you to do FIRST THING TOMORROW: CHANGE THE LOCKS! CHANGE THE SECURITY CODES! He was worried about YOU changing your mind? LOL!! He was worried he was LOSING CONTROL OVER YOU. If I had been there I would have asked him if he needed his diaper changed. Great that he behaved like a complete ass right in front of that woman. Now you have validation! Now, for gosh sake - NO CONTACT. No "little note" trying to smooth things over when you send him the papers - just send ONLY the papers. Block emails Block IMs CHANGE YOUR PHONE NUMBER CHANGE YOUR CELL NUMBER He's pissed off because he finally HAD to go to the closing which meant NO MORE MIND GAMES. Boo hoo. CHANGE THE LOCKS!!!!!! The freak is gone! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 2 - 7AM (Reply to #7)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

THanks Barbara!!!

All of the responses were so appreciated. But thank you for yours and I will take the advice! And amazingly... the WWLP book came in the mail yesterday - what great timing is that. Will read it today. I started this morning and am doing a lot of underlining and a lot of putting it down going "Oh My God - that's him! And Oh My God - that's me!" So far an amazing book. My mother is taking us out to Red Lobster tonight to celebrate. She was with my father for 30 years before she left due to serial cheating and alcoholism and never admitted he had a problem. So she has been so understanding of how long I hung in and how much this has hurt. When I called her yesterday to tell her it was done she said, "OH THANK GOD - I think I smoked a whole pack of cigarettes in the last hour waiting for you to call. Honey, I know you're sad, but this is a GOOD THING and you are going to feel better soon!" I just love my mother! The other thing I thought was - "Wow it's almost independence day! How fitting is the timing." I think I'll be posting and reading on here for a long time to come cause I can tell there is some healing to do. Thanks everybody - hoping to have a great day. They're coming to clean all my carpets this morning. Feeling like I need to do a lot of "cleaning out" of this house.
Jul 1 - 9PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

grats finallydone

You may have felt going into it he was gonna be a punk-ass jerk, so no surprises there. I'm sure you're numb, you had to face your emotional attacker. Congratulations on getting the house. Here is to a fresh start! Good going!
Jul 1 - 8PM
rll1997 (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

He's pouting

First of all congratulations on your house. Don't feel bad, you're taking care of yourself and your son now, and don't have to worry about taking care of a full grown man. It sounds like his pulling a "poor me" on you. Did he look like he just shaved? Did he look pale?
Jul 1 - 8PM
Marie
Marie's picture

Finallydone

I'm glad you have your house and your son is safe that's what is most important. This happened for a reason and he gave you a good showing of exactly why it came to this. You deserve to be treated so much better. If you continue to feel bad about his treatment you will continue to be his victim. I'm sorry you are hurting but glad you got through a difficult day. Hugs Marie
Jul 1 - 8PM
better off
better off's picture

Big hugs...you made it

Big hugs...you made it through it. And he actually showed up. So...he punished you with the only way he had, the thing that would hurt the most. So he would feel like HE was the one in control. Thank God the papers are finally signed. I know how bad you are hurting...the silent treatment is the worst form of emotional abuse, Barbara has a link to that somewhere. But in the end, that's all that pathetic tyrant had to use against you. NOW you can go NC...and I once thought that would be the end of me to do that. But it is really the only thing that works. Just remember, finallydone, he brought it all on himself with his own behavior. His treatment of you at the end only shows how selfish and unremorseful he truly is.
Jul 1 - 9PM (Reply to #2)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

finallydone!

You ARE finally DONE! Woo hoo! Congrats to you for getting through it and getting your house all to yourself. I can understand the crappy feeling, but that was just his reaction to losing complete control over you through the house, I think. It was a huge N injury to have to face the fact that he is forced to walk away from his control. You deserve better, and will finally have the peace that you need. I hope you changed the locks already...and the combo to the keyless entry on the garage. If not, please do that first thing in the morning!! I'm happy for you that he finally showed and you have some closure with the house deal. Try not to take the rest of it personally, it was all a manipulation. Good luck to you in your new future!