The last thing I ever wrote to my EXNBF

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#1 Jun 26 - 2PM
Amy
Amy's picture

The last thing I ever wrote to my EXNBF

I am wondering when this is going to come back and bite me in the ass!

To summarize the story - I left him in February. Since then he kept coming back. We'd hook up every once in a while and talk about getting back together. He would D&D every time. The last time, I just asked myself what I was thinking, and he became a MAJOR ASSHOLE telling me he couldn't get past some stuff between us (specifically, he couldn't stand that I dated another guy 3 months after the 1st time we broke up and that I told him I didn't want to end up like the girl he dated for 10 years and disappeared on - I wanted to get married). He also said "believe me, you are better off without me". I got tired of the mind games.

I got fed up with him BLAMING ME and texted 4 messages in immediate succession:

1 - If you were going to abandon me again, you should have had the courtesy to let me know. Don't show up for any more booty calls. Oh wait - I am just a whore to you anyway. I'm changing my number.

2 - This is what you wanted, I hope you are happy.

3 - I hope you move. I am tired of your mind games. Every time I give you and inch, you kick me in the teeth. You are not capable of love. You never loved me. I get it now. I was just a lay and an accessory to you. that's how I will remember you and our relationship.

4 - And you are so full of shit. I never did anything to you except FORGIVE all the shit you did to me. You just wanted to f*ck me a couple more times when you thought I was moving on. God forbid Amy have a life without you. You are a loser and a f*ck up. You are right, I am better off without you. Just like Cathy.

I picked all the stuff that I knew would upset him. I immediately called Verizon and had him blocked from calling or texting.

I am afraid this will come back to haunt me. I don't feel bad for doing it at all. We just live in the same neighborhood and he drives by frequently (to see if I have another man there). I have thought about renting a Porsche or an Aston Martin to park in the driveway over the weekend just to torture him- he already freaked out when there was an M5 during the day once (the day he called me a whore, slut, white trash...).

He can't stand for me to have any negative opinion of him. My biggest worry is running into him and him demanding that I take it back. I have rehearsed in my head saying "I meant every word" and walking away.

Maybe I am thinking about it too much.

Amy

Jul 4 - 3PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Finallydone

Lisa's not doing this. She posted why on that thread. Here's more if you want to post him to warn others: http://www.lisaescott.com/forum/2009/06/26/last-thing-i-ever-wrote-my-exnbf#comment-4496 (I am a big big fan of doing this. It can be conceptual closure and very catharic)
Jul 3 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

The Abuser's Database

http://www.theweakervessel.org/members.asp
Jun 28 - 5PM
Amy
Amy's picture

Barbara

Wow... What a delusional man you were dealing with! Yes... growth and change are obcious from his posts... /sacrasm... Amy
Jun 28 - 1PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

2 more for you

http://www.peepsheet.com this site is starting a database of sociopaths. write her: http://mindofasociopath.com/contact.asp
Jun 27 - 3PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

He is making himself very

He is making himself very available for you to play nasty with him. good for you- usually it is the other way around. you can always try to crazy him if he bothers you. If he is gone let him stay away but if he bothers you tell him whatever will keep him away. "I can't have sex with you because you have gained weight and I don't like that". "As we are on a different level you will have to pay-don't say for what." "You are too old for me","I am not good enough for you", "I am becoming a nun", "the buddhist psychologist I am going to suggests I should be celibate no sex at all for 3 years", there are unlimited possibilites. I had a friend who used the Buddhist thing on a nut and he respected her for her 'beliefs' and didn't bother her again! this amn hurt you and you gamed him- fair is fair. If he is non-violent. don't provoke anything from a violent person. remember the best stragegy with one of these men is Lisa' No-Contact Rule. Maybe you could move away.
Jun 28 - 5PM (Reply to #30)
Amy
Amy's picture

Carolyn

Thanks! I am doing very well though I believe I passed him going the opposite direction today. Whenever that happens, I make sure not to turn my head to look at the car or truck - pretend I don't see him. I can't move - I don't want to do that to my son. 2 more years of high school and that's it. I am hoping that if I DO run into him, I am withfriends. or better yet, one of the guys I am dating. I am kind of tired of hiding from him! I don't want a confrotation, but I have to be able to live my life! Amy
Jun 27 - 12PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Manage Your Anger Safely ! LOL

http://www.doodie.com/relationship_breakup_e.php
Jun 26 - 6PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amy

putting up that kind of page would turn this site into DDHG, which would be another kind of hassle. better to use the sites I listed for that sort of thing. Lisa & I have been discussing doing a book of women's stories... it's still in the "percolating" phase but we'll let you know. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 26 - 5PM
Debra (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NO Message is THE Message (Amy)

That's the worst part, isn't it? Saying good bye to the N in a physical sense, but continuing to carry the emotional baggage around because he never gave you closure. I have a feeling N's never give closure because in their mind, once a source of supply, always a source of supply.. Mine has never said "good bye", or seems to hear when I do. I have attempted to say good bye on several occasions, but we would always end up hooking up again. I could have (and think I did) send those exact kind of messages to mine, until I realized that even the negative messages were a source of supply for him. He could tell that I still cared, and I think the fact that I made the effort to contact him (even with bad news like saying good bye) was supply for him. NC is really the best way. They need to realize that we are completely gone from their lives, no longer a future supply source when the others dry up. They might move on. I haven't heard a peep from mine in 2 months-- he has sent messages to a mailbox that we shared together, but I don't open them. I think he may finally be getting the message
Jun 26 - 5PM (Reply to #23)
Amy
Amy's picture

Debra

You are exactly right! "I have attempted to say good bye on several occasions, but we would always end up hooking up again." I said goodbye, he said goodbye... and literally every time he would immediately call or text back saying "I can't not talk to you. We have to communicate." That's why I blocked him. I have control! Good for you on him finally getting the message! 2 months is a good stretch! Amy :)
Jun 26 - 6PM (Reply to #24)
Debra (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amy

The more you tell me about yours, the more he sounds like mine! Especially the line where you say he said "I can't not talk to you. We have to communicate." When mine tries to come back he always says "I need to hear your voice" Maybe they come from the same coven....
Jun 26 - 6PM (Reply to #25)
Amy
Amy's picture

Debra

They are spawned from the same cirlce of hell I think. I wish I could think it was funny... He always said that "we" did better when we stayed in touch. What he meant was that he still felt like he had control if we remained in touch, therefore he was entitled to that. Wack jobs!
Jun 26 - 7PM (Reply to #26)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

pathology

the fact they are so alike, as Sandra Brown says - is PROOF that this is pathology. An incurable PATHOLOGY. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 26 - 3PM
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Amy, you're trying to get

Amy, you're trying to get closure. You're trying to wrap your brain around what has happened. You're trying to make sense of it. You want validation and revenge. You are hurting and angry. I understand. However, the man you're dealing with is a toxic, wasteland of a human being. You will NEVER get closure or validation or understanding. EVER. You will never, ever get revenge. It's only a waste of your time, energy and emotional storage. You must stop the madness and stop any interaction or contact with this man. If you have to, move. Please. He's never going to do anything to make this okay for you. In fact, the only thing he is ever going to do is continually try to hurt you. He'll do a smear campaign against you. He'll stalk you and prey upon you. He will find ways to make you pay. You have to get away as far and as fast as you can. Change your number, do not rent a car to bait him and practice complete NO CONTACT. This is very, very important, Amy. (And any of you who are in a similar position.) You don't DESERVE to be treated with such contempt and disrespect. Please, take the little girl inside of you by the hand and lead her to a safe, peaceful, loving place. She's hurting and sad and you have the ability to protect her. She needs you and you must help her. Big hugs, neveragain
Jun 26 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
Amy
Amy's picture

Thank you

Thank you Neveragain. There is definitely a part of me that wants to make him crazy like he did to me (by parking cars at my house). I think I am like 90% past it all. I have moved on and have met some very normal guys! I sent him those messages a while ago and blocked him. I have a hard time changing my number - am in sales and some clients have my cell. I have not heard from him since - just worried it will come back to bite me. Actually - I kind of feel like I got revenge when I sent those messages. I said things I would have NEVER said to him in those 4.5 years! I have considered selling my house, but my son is going into his junior year of high school and I don't want to have to change his world. He gets good grades and in in the orchestra - hangs out with good kids. (my mom moved me in high school and I attached to a very bad kid - my first narcissist BF). I think I will be ok. We both live in a Houston suburb and typically he goes out up here in the Woodlands. I have started driving to Houston when I go out - stay with friends or get a room so I don't drive drunk back. All of my dates are now in Houston. Guys offer to drive up here, but since running into him when I was on a date up here I haven't done that again. I will be doing that in August though - when the guy from London is back. Thank you for all of your support. I just wish he'd disappear. HUGS! Amy :-)
Jun 26 - 4PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Amy

you can NOT make him crazy like he did to you. You are normal and have feelings. He doesn't. It's a waste of time. Ever thought of putting him on a site like one of these for 'conceptual closure'? http://www.stoptheact.com http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 26 - 5PM (Reply to #4)
Amy
Amy's picture

eh...

That would just make him happy - like me putting his pictures up and someone telling him about it. We should ask Lisa to add an "No more Narcissists" page and post pictures and descriptions of these guys! LOL! Good point. I always thought he had feelings. He is 100% Italian and always seemed very "passionate" about things. I saw him break down and cry several times because (he said) he missed his mom - she passed about 6 years ago. I guess I can substitute "controlling" for "passionate" in most cases!
Jun 26 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

No More Narcissists

That's a great idea, Amy. I should create a tab that says, No More Narcissists and have people post pics and descriptions of their narcissist. Would you all do this if I created it?
Jul 4 - 1PM (Reply to #21)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

In a New York Minute

Absolutely positively without doubt. I don't want to see him ever do to somebody else what he did to me. There's a girl I'm concerned about... I was jealous of her about a year ago until I realized that she was fallign for the same thing I was. He said she was just a fan and he didn't have other personal contact with her and I could never catch him.... but now I worry that since we've broken up she'll get sucked in. She is 27, loves dueling piano players, is a graduate student going to vet school and has a stable family from all I gather. I met her once. They might even have money. What better supply for a 52 year old aging piano player to have a woman half his age worshipping him and better yet... her family has some money. That's who I was too. It's very scary and I wish I could warn her... but she'd probably think I'm just a scorned woman and how could this wonderful guy ever act like that. Put up the tab and I'll post in a heartbeat.
Jun 27 - 3AM (Reply to #7)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

Heck YES

Do it, Lisa...and I'll post! neveragain
Jun 27 - 10AM (Reply to #8)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

No More Narcissists

While I love this idea, especially last night after a few glasses of wine, I thought about it and realize we could open ourselves up to major liability. We do not want to get sued for defamation. Granted, if everything is true, you can't get sued for defamation, but we don't want to give these guys any reason to come back into our lives. They would be all over it if we gave them a reason to re-engage with us and would fight nasty. We don't need that. They're not worth our energy.
Jul 4 - 1PM (Reply to #20)
devoured_soul (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

T-SHIRTS...

T-SHIRTS. WE NEED T-SHIRTS TO PURCHASE. DESIGN ONE!!! IT WOULD BE SOOOOO COOL. IT WOULD HELP THE SURVIVORS NEVER FORGET AND WOULD HELP THE VICTIMS... MY DAUGHTER JUST GRADUATED FROM RADIOGRAPHY SCHOOL AND SHE HAS A T-SHIRT THAT SAYS "GOT BARIUM?" SO SOMETHING WITTY THAT MAYBE ONLY A VoNPD WOULD GET, BUT THAT WOULD ALSO RAISE AWARENESS...
Jun 29 - 7PM (Reply to #19)
neveragain
neveragain's picture

You're right, Lisa

Spending ANY more energy than I absolutely have to to get over this creep is not something I want to do. Giving them any more attention would only defeat our purposes. Nice THOUGHT though!! Hugs, neveragain
Jun 27 - 11AM (Reply to #18)
Debra (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Showing we don't care is the BEST revenge.

Initially the idea was so appealing--sort of like the "sex offenders" list that is kept and available to the public so they can protect themselves. From a legal perspective you are right of course. They would come after us with a vengeance. And I agree-- it would probably just be another source of supply for them, us showing them we want to get back at them also shows we care.
Jun 27 - 12PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

NMN

ladies there are LOADS of sites on the net that have the legal liability issues covered if you want to post them: http://www.cheatersexpose.com http://www.dontdatehimgirl.com http://exrants.com/ http://liarscheatsandbastards.com http://www.datingpsychos.com http://www.ripoffreport.com http://www.stoptheact.com http://www.sothere.com If they are an online predator: http://cyberpaths.blogspot.com ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I found out a while ago that one of Psycho-Boy's victims posted him on one of these sites: http://www.stoptheact.com/db/profile.php?mode=viewprofile&u=44 I told my story with him ONE place: http://cyberpathlinks.blogspot.com/2007/06/j-aka-gridney-aka-yidwithlid-aka-sammy.html Also - if you put your guy's name/pic here and he goes 'ego surfing' (most of them do) and finds it - he could also read EVERY SINGLE THING YOU POST ABOUT HIM, YOUR FEELINGS and so on. (this happened to me with Psycho-Boy on one of Vaknin's forums back when I was first recovering - and Psycho-Boy attacked & harassed me and still does) This site would then no longer be a safe haven for victims. Ladies - let's keep ALL ABOUT HIM a positive place for healing and recovery... let the other sites who have the legal stuff already in place deal with these idiots when we post them there. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 4 - 1PM (Reply to #17)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Yeah you're right.

I'm almost disappointed but that's my emotions going strong. As soon as I said I'd do it and then read on, I realized you guys are right. It wouldn't really do us any good and could bring on more trouble. I'll just stick to hoping karma really exists. :)
Jun 27 - 12PM (Reply to #10)
Amy
Amy's picture

Very good points....

I could just see these guys showing up and posting here! Thanks for the list Barbara! Amy
Jul 3 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
better off
better off's picture

I'm 90% sure my ex read this

I'm 90% sure my ex read this site...and even posted here as Concerned User which makes me not want to post here. I can't prove that, and the only way he could know I was here was by spying on me. No way to confirm anything without reverse hacking and I'm not interested. He's not really my problem anymore anyway, just the guy in my house who wants me to put the remote in his hand.
Jul 4 - 12AM (Reply to #15)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

betteroff

Concerned User and his IP have been blocked. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jul 4 - 10AM (Reply to #16)
better off
better off's picture

okay, thank you! the

okay, thank you! the writing sounded very familiar to me...the particular syntax, and one of the expressions used. Kind of Freudian, don't you think...Concerned USER...lol.