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in for the weekend with a box of presents

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#1 Jun 18 - 9PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

in for the weekend with a box of presents

Ok. Mine is in to visit kids for father's day. Remember how we were on vacation with GF? well I guess we are flying here from vacation. Guess what came in the mail today...a box of presents with a note. He is so happy to see the kids, and guess what? He can't wait to see me. What the hell????

Jun 20 - 10AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

I was just reminded by a

I was just reminded by a friend about something called the Jesuit Form of Arguement you make the other person answer your questions. Everything your opponent says you make him answer a question about it? If he says did you get the box of presents you answer with 'when did you mail them?' It is a real crazy maker for the other side. try it it might be fun. Also if everything he says to you ends in you making him answer a question you are in control. he might even want to stop dealing with you. I just did a few with my friend and it is confusing at first, then frustrating, and then you don't want to play anymore.
Jun 20 - 9AM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

You are in such a weird

You are in such a weird cycle with this guy but I guess you should enjoy the presents and then if he asks say they never arrived. Put the game in your court as the jocks say. Make everything about you and I bet the presents stop! you have a good sense of humor and I know there are great presents out there from a good guy-just hang in there.
Jun 18 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

of course he can't wait to see you - you've been ignoring his emails - BAD GIRL.... LOL DO NOT LET HIM ENGAGE YOU IN CONVERSATION "talk to my lawyer" should be your phrase of the weekend. MAKE YOURSELF SCARCE WHEN HE'S THERE!!! DO NOT HANG AROUND!!! God you have to do something about this visitation nonsense while the divorce is being decided. He should not be IN YOUR HOME or IN YOUR BEDROOM or anywhere NEAR YOU!!!!! Talk to your lawyer next week and get a temporary order or SOMETHING. Box of presents? Nothing like buying love. Anything he gives you? REFUSE!!!!!!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 18 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

refuse

No problem refusing any gifts. I did not even unwrap them. Gave kids there gifts, but will hand my back unopened. If he doesn't take it back, I will either throw them out or mail them back to his home. It is amazing how these people can stab you in the back, and literally less than 24 hours later come with gifts. The next 48 hours they are once again stabbing you in the back. Sick
Jun 18 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

gifts - mallory

Mail them back to his home. With the GF's name on them. (I'd bet she doesn't even know he bought you anything) and INCLUDE any PERSONAL NOTES he sent you... after you copy and document them. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 18 - 10PM (Reply to #2)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

temporary order

What do you mean by a temporary order? I thought I had to put up with his visits because I need to show that I am not vindictive, and I am not trying to keep him from his kids. Also, I can't be totally scarce because I need to check in on the kids. Don't like leaving them alone with him. I am just going to put on my teflon shield, and keep everything as shallow and minimal as possible. I am kind of in a situation where I have to let him into my house. He is visiting from out of town, and the child therapist thinks it is best for the kids if he visits them at the house verses him taking them to hotel. I have to agree with her, since the kids haven't done so well when leaving the house. I hate his visits, but I think I have to put up with them for now. He does not stay at the house at night. He goes to his hotel. Trust me, that was a battle in and of itself. It is a fine balance between what is best for me and what is best for the kids. I can't keep him from being with the kids, and as my lawyer said, he is a sick creep but I won't be awarded sole custody. Is there justice in the world?
Jun 18 - 11PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

is your child therapist aware he's pathological? do they know what a HUGE boundary violator he is and how allowing him in your home sends a REALLY bad message and allows him to harass you in your own home? Have you shown the therapist the list you shared with me? Talk to your attorney but usually, while the divorce is in process - a temporary order governing visitation can be gotten. This might mean he has visitation with them at the therapist's office, at some sort of county or state center for visitation, etc. Having it in YOUR home is NOT a good idea with this man, mallory. And I would express that you are uncomfortable with it as it allows him access to try to manipulate & verbally twist you - IN FRONT OF THE KIDS IN THEIR HOME which is not good for them or you. http://www.divorce360.com/child-custody-and-visitation-360.aspx http://www.divorcesupport.com/divorce/Child-Custody-1062.html http://www.womansdivorce.com/children-and-divorce.html Speak to your attorney but it just doesn't sit right with me and it shouldn't with anyone else. It lets the "thing" go without boundaries - right into your home - as if that's o.k., despite the fact you're divorcing him and he lives with another woman. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/