another vacation

25 posts / 0 new
Last post
#1 Jun 16 - 8PM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

another vacation

Yes, I believe my STBXNH is on another vacation with GF. I don't care if he is with her, except I am sure I am paying for it. Will inform my lawyer. It is amazing how they never stop. You can not believe one word that comes out of these Ns mouths. It is still astonishing. I mean, I don't expect he would be sensitive about our marital funds for me and the kids, but what about playing it smart while in the process of a divorce. Everyone knows that judges look down on the misuse of marital funds. Can he just be that moronic???

Jun 16 - 9PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory - you might find this article of interest

http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/cheating/catching/cheating-spouse-get-more-money.aspx?artid=891
Jun 17 - 9PM (Reply to #6)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

barbara...

Ok. I agree that No Contact is the only way. Right now I am burning up because STBXNH thinks he is once again getting away with taking GF on another vacation. He has sent kids pictures of him on his "work" trip, and all of them are of him sight seeing somewhere. Not very work focused if you ask me. Part of me really wants to call him on his B.S., but that would mean contact. I don't want him to feel like once again he has manipulated me. How should I handle this???
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #10)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

save the pictures give copies to your lawyer use them in court REVENGE IS A DISH BEST SERVED COLD. do NOT call him on it... he will cover it up somehow... you need him to continue to act as if he's above the law... it's the shovel that will help you bury him. Maintain no contact and keep collecting the evidence he keeps HANDING to you ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #11)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Barbara...

Sent a heads up note to the lawyer. I wonder if she can ask for GF credit card statements. If she makes any purchases at the same state around this time, then I know for sure that she is their with him. Can my lawyer demand all of her credit card statements? Have not responded to him. Will send photos of him at a puppet show, at a restaurant, etc. to lawyer. Don't think business men go to puppet shows for work, do you? It is amazing the lengths they go to cover up their lies. He goes out of his way to lie. Fine if you are going to take her on another vacation. Fess up, and pay me back in the settlement. He makes me sick.
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #12)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

Can my lawyer demand all of her credit card statements? YES! If he's paying for them with your marital funds... HELL YES. Don't think business men go to puppet shows for work, do you? The fact he's sending them to your kids is unhealthy. No boundaries. Can't wait for a judge & court appointed shrink to see them. Fess up, and pay me back in the settlement. You are going to have the WRING the money out of him - and please DO SO!!! Jerk. He makes my skin crawl. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #13)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

barbara...

Have I told you how much I appreciate you! Thank you. You empower me, and you make me laugh even in the toughest moments. I don't think he is paying GF credit cards, but you never know with my shmuck. If he isn't paying the credit cards, can we still look at them. I mean, doesn't she have to be deposed?
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #14)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mallory

she should, so make sure your lawyer does depose her - I have a feeling she'll make a complete ass of herself & him. Happyhappy Joyjoy!! And really - LOOK INTO FILING ON HER. I wish more women would do this. The one sure-fire way to WIN over a Narc is a "go where he thinks you're too afraid to go." You filing on her would blow him away. He'd rage and say you're jealous but wow would that be a slap to both of them - and a deserved one. I appreciate all you ladies too... Lisa & I are discussing something new and I hope to be able to get it going soon. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 17 - 11PM (Reply to #24)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

mallory

Since I live in a state where there is a morality clause the visitation agreement, I am suing the N for contempt, and the babysitter WILL be deposed. They don't know this yet. It was my attorney's idea& I hadn't even considered it, but he can't put my 5-year-old on the stand, so he is going after her as a witness. It is going to completely freak her out and he will FLIP out when he finds out that my attorney is going to depose her. Ha! They have decided to completely out themselves, they are living together, etc, all in front of the kids, his work colleagues, etc. We are still married. My daughter said that her friends who see her dad at the pool in our neighborhood with the babysitter will think he is a "man whore". She is worried about what they will think of her. Sad, isn't it how they have no concern for their children at all.
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #15)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

lawyer

Brought up the subject of suing the GF. Lawyer didn't sound to supportive. SHe said these cases usually don't go so well in our state, and I could just loose money in the process. Part of me still wants to pursue. It is the principal. Why should other women be allowed to participate in the breakdown of families in a completely selfish ruthless way, and not have any consequences to their behavior. I believe she deserves to pay back my children and myself for her part in this nightmare.
Jun 18 - 12AM (Reply to #16)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

sounds like the lawyer doesn't want to do the work it's your dime. I'd go for it. Tell her you want her to file on her and do NOT let her talk you out of it. GF's wake up call just arrived... LOL start channeling your inner bitch, mallory - there's no way anyone should treat you the way he & she are. This was on Oprah.com a while ago: "When Candi discovered that her husband was cheating, she didn't get mad…she got a lawyer. After finding steamy love letters and racy photos the other woman sent her husband, Candi says she decided to sue the mistress for alienation of affection. She won and was awarded $500,000, but ultimately, she settled for $50,000. Since most states have no-fault divorce, Candi says she couldn't sue her husband, so she went after the woman who she says actively pursued him. "I think they first met in a bar out of town and nothing happened, but she chose to send him a Christmas card," Candi says. "He obviously bit, so she kept writing. Initially, she would say things like, 'I know you're married with three children, and we can just be friends, but I really enjoyed meeting you.' Then [the letters] became more graphic. [She said] that she could fly to our town any time, and then described sexual acts she'd like to perform if only they could be together." Why did Candi decide to take legal action? "At the time, I felt so humiliated and devastated," she says. "It looked like an opportunity for redemption in a way, just to stand up for myself and my family." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 18 - 12AM (Reply to #23)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

more spouses suing the other wo/man

http://www.wral.com/news/local/story/165605/
Jun 18 - 12AM (Reply to #17)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Can Your Ex Be Held Responsible for Ruining Your Credit?

http://www.oprah.com/article/omagazine/200710_omag_suze_divorce
Jun 18 - 6AM (Reply to #18)
grossot
grossot's picture

Thank you for this link

Thank you for this link ,Barbara. My N has told me multiple times my credit will be ruined if I don't help with the mortgage. Here's the kicker- the judge ordered that N pay the mortgage and utilities and the $8000 bill for the outdoor woodburner that heats the home. N still expects me to help! I check on the mortgage every month. He pays exactly half of the minimum payment - down to the cent. Thia makes me think he will try to get back pay. He's about $4000 behind. I want to get my name off of the mortgage to salvage my credit but then won't be eligible for the equity that's due me. Oh yea he also researched refinancing for the amount house was appraised for not what we have it paid down to so "unfortunately there is no equity" what's in quotes is all he said I had to figure the rest out on my own. What a con! I just cannot keep up with the scams. Anyone have any suggestions? Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jun 18 - 12PM (Reply to #22)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

grossot

Speak to an attorney NOW. Show them any communication you've had with him where he asks you to "help." That's against the judge's ruling so he's toast. And an attorney should be communicating with him about all the bullcrap he's sending you about refinancing etc. He should NOT be communicating with you about it. These scams should be in an ATTORNEY's hands because the judge will want to know about them. Get legal help involved NOW. And KEEP RECORDS. Start journaling as well. WHEN HE SENDS YOU THIS NONSENSE - RIGHT TO YOUR ATTORNEY WITH IT and DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM AT ALL!!!! (he still thinks you listen to & believe him!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 18 - 7AM (Reply to #19)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Mortgage

If the judge ordered him to pay it, he should be paying ALL of it. I would be keeping very good records of what he is paying for your attorney. Are you separated or divorced? What does your attorney say? I would research, document, and try to figure out a solution. Don't believe anything the N says, because he is lying. He is trying to scare you with his version of reality, which is warped. I. know about you, but I was
Jun 18 - 8AM (Reply to #20)
grossot
grossot's picture

We are not legally separated

We are not legally separated but in the middle of a divorce. Well 6 mos out anyway. You are right I should be keeping documentation. I just call the automated service for the lender. They have been calling me for their money. I can understand. My name is on the deed and the mortgage. Thanks for the advice. Be kinder than necessary to everyone you meet; for everyone is fighting some kind of battle - anonymous- :o) nolongercontrolled
Jun 18 - 11AM (Reply to #21)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

grossot

send the lender a copy of the judge's ruling and tell them to call him (provide his contact information) ;) ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 17 - 9PM (Reply to #7)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

I know the temptation! I've wanted to shoot back many biting replies to e-mails my ex sent me for the junk he dared to say. He sent me one yesterday - yes I read it! Guilty! It just made me laugh because he has this reocurring theme -- that he doubts I'll be able to find anyone as _____(insert favorite romantic adjective here) as him. I'm really sick of him thinking HE was my last chance for a good thing. But oh well, let him think it. The only way he'll know he's not getting to you is for you to ignore him, you have your own life now...'ho hum' to whatever pathetic existence he's trying to lead (yawn)...see ya in court, bring your wallet! Like they say, bad attention is still attention.
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #8)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Quietude

You are right. I sent a note off to my lawyer giving her a heads up on this latest trip. It just burns me up how much they lie and deceive. I know that even if I call him on it, he will just lie. It is just so upsetting. I am so sick of this man using our marital funds on this whore. And she acts like she has every right to our money. They don't care that everytime they use our money this way, they take money away from the kids and me. They don't care that judges look down on the misuse of marital funds. His attitude is that it is his money and he can do whatever he wants with it. It drives me insane! Trying not to get to angry. Thanks for your help.
Jun 17 - 10PM (Reply to #9)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory - go after the OW

REALLY investigate what you can charge her with. And make your lawyer file on her. Why should the little home wrecker get away? Stealing a spouse is a form of personal injury, which can be compensated. Depending on the state, injured spouses may be able to file "Alienation of Affection", "Criminal Conversations" or "Intentional Affliction of Emotional Distress" lawsuits against the other wo/man. Even if you don’t go after the paramour, raising the possibility may get you a better deal from your soon-to-be ex. "Alienation of affection" is a term that covers interfering with an affectionate relationship. Since 1935, the Alienation of Affections tort has been abolished by most states as an archaic form of revenge. However, if you live in a state where the law is still on the books (Hawaii, Illinois, Mississippi, New Hampshire, New Mexico, North Carolina, South Dakota and Utah), you may be able to receive some financial compensation. More than 200 such cases are filed annually in North Carolina (where former presidential candidate John Edwards resides), which protects marriages from third party interference. In an alienation of affection lawsuit, you don’t have to prove the other wo/man had sex with your spouse, according to Haas McNeill & Associates, a law firm in North Carolina: “The exclusive right of sexual intercourse is not the right protected in this type of case. It’s the actual affection between spouses that’s the right protected.” According to the Legal Match Law Library, “It’s often not necessary to show that the third party set out to destroy the marital relationship, but only that he or she intentionally engaged in acts that likely would impact the marriage.” http://www.divorce360.com/divorce-articles/cheating/catching/cheating-spouse-get-more-money.aspx?artid=891&page=2 ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 16 - 9PM (Reply to #4)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

barbara...

Thanks for the article. Looks like I am doing what I need to be doing. It is not an issue of evidence. I have more evidence than I know what to do with. I live in a no fault state that takes infidelity into account. I live in an equitable state. Here is a question....Do you think I can go after the GF? I have letters from her to my husband, etc....She was definitely a colaborator in all of this, knew what hell I went through, knew I just had a son, wrote STBXNH letters telling him to not worry about me and kids because he deserved to have sexual fun with her. I am not making this up. Had plans to leave her husband, etc. What do you think????
Jun 16 - 10PM (Reply to #5)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

I sure as hell would if I were you. I wish more people would. And would PUSH their lawyers to file on the other person. Even if it goes nowhere it's well worth it for your peace of mind... also could be a great bargaining chip with the idiot - especially with regards to visitation. Don't let your lawyer talk you out of it. And include the distress it caused your kids too! INTENTIONAL INFLICTION OF EMOTIONAL DISTRESS is my favorite. GO FOR IT!!! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 16 - 8PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

the ONLY thing these guys listen to - is the Bullshit in their own heads telling them they are PERFECT and can DO NO WRONG. sooooooo... make SURE your lawyer knows he's toast - big time & extra crispy ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 16 - 8PM (Reply to #2)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Thank you Barbara

I really like the extra crispy part. I pray that you are right. I don't even complain about this sh-t anymore, because he just keeps digging himself even deeper.