Refinancing and the N

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#1 Jun 12 - 2PM
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Refinancing and the N

Well, I've been posting on here for awhile now so I won't tell the whole sob story. But I just got a message from my mortgage broker saying they can't lock me in again unless he puts something in writing that he will show up. Big Surprise. And I don't really blame them. They have a business to run and can't waste time and money setting up a loan and a closing date when the guy keeps stalling.

So now... if he won't respond to the e-mail where I asked him flat out if he intends to show up (I didn't tell him about the mortgage message or he will just use that to control further) then I have to go back to the lawyer and start pushing it that way. Wonderful. I was trying to avoid being nasty and going legal... but I think I have no choice at this point.

He has not responded to the e-mail. Yet. But he did take more stuff with him when he left on Wednesday and is planning to come back either "today or tomorrow" for more.

Any of you have any experience with this? I keep think he's digging himself a hole, because he hasn't paid anything in three months and is taking more and more stuff out. We are not married. So if it goes all the way to court and I have the child needing his stable home and the good paying job... and this jerk has taken all his stuff out and NOT paid. Isn't there a pretty good chance a judge would decide I get to keep it rather than forcing me to sell it? I know it could go both ways... but it seems the most logical. Any thoughts?

I am soooooo incredibly mad at this point. I feel sad less and less. Every once in awhile and especially when he shows up and does his pity party thing... but the longer he drags this out and causes me not only emotional harm but possible financial harm.... I'm learning to overcome. Right now I'm really really mad!!!

Jun 12 - 2PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

refinancing

exNH was incredibly SLOW and STALLED when I moved out about financing. This is CLASSIC. My suggestion? Lawyer, now. And put a deadline on it - if he doesn't sign off or show up by XXX - you have a right to do this yourself AND change the locks on the home. Include that he MUST call you to let you know when he's picking things up or you have the right to call the police for trespass. THAT will get his attention. Then follow thru. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 12 - 3PM (Reply to #2)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

Thanks

Thanks Barbara, You are the best at keeping us all centered. This stuff just sucks like nothing else I've ever experienced. By the way, I just got a chance to listen to the show from Wednesday last night and you guys were terrific. I was in tears at one point, but it's because you both seem to understand so well and it means more than you know. I know that's why you both do it and I want you to know how much it truly is appreciated. I would love to figure out a way to get more involved in the local community with this type of education. I've talked to at least 8 women at my company alone who have been in relationships like this... and it floors me! I thought I had been the one unlucky soul on the planet to run into such a crazy situation... I was so embarrassed and ashamed on top of everything else... but to find so many right within the 2nd floor of this one office building is unbelievable. I had started opening up to people more and more in an attempt to move myself out of this... at least that's what I believe I was doing... and whoops there you go... they started talking back. WOW!
Jun 12 - 5PM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

finallydone

you may want to start a small support group. see if a church or community center would let you have a room for an hour once a week for free. Then make some flyers and give them to these women. Encourage them to buy Lisa's book and then discuss the contents. Ask them to listen to Lisa's BlogTalkRadio shows - and discuss. You may be saving someone's life. Also: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/category/thecommunity/teaching-pathology-to-your-community Paying it forward can be tremendously healing for you too. Take it from me. ;) These abusers have a great way of making you feel its just you. NO. There are thousands of women just like you - waiting for someone to break through their isolation and feeling alone. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/