walking in his shoes

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#1 Jun 9 - 11AM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

walking in his shoes

ok, STBXNH asks me to walk in his shoes, the way he has walked in my shoes. I am not really sure how he has walked in my shoes, but I have given up on that one. He wants me to walk in his shoes with the settlement and visitation. He is acting like the suicidal, despondent man, who can hardly make it through each day. The whole thing makes me angry because he still does not accept responsibility for the position he finds himself in. His GF is his gardian angel, and I am the unsympathetic wife. I don't question that he misses the kids, but please. Never once did he put his children first. They were always put behind the needs of him and his GF.

I am afraid the lawyer is going to fall for his facade. He knew all along what he had to do to put his family back together again and he didn't. Why do I have to walk in his shoes? THe only shoes I need to walk in are my kids and mine. Am I right? He asks me not to see him as only evil. I don't see people so black and white, but his behavior over the last year has been very selfish and cruel.

Court on friday. Any advise would help.

Jun 9 - 12PM
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

Good for you, your instincts keep setting off those alarms! NO, you don't have to walk in his shoes, that's just a load of horse manure. No more empathy, he met his quota for that long ago...you're fresh out. Why the hell doesn't he try walking in your shoes?? Like that would happen... For one thing, it's impossible for you to do so, especially in his case...he's wayyy over toward the other side of the 'narcissism spectrum' with the needle pointing toward psycho. You aren't anything like that, so how could you try to get in that kind of a mindset? If your lawyer is good, he'll recognize this con. Remember, ACTIONS ACTIONS ACTIONS, not WORDS are what shows you the true person. Hon, you've got a good case, I would be very prepared, but I wouldn't be worried. And he's defending himself, right?...pffft...! ;)
Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Mallory

boo flippin hoo - he's a piece of work. walk in what? How the heck does a NORMAL person walk in the shoes of a BLATANT PSYCHOPATH? and he's NEVER walked in your shoes... he couldn't and wouldn't because its all about HIS NEEDS. Send this message he sent you to YOUR LAWYER! Puhleeze what a jerk. Like a 5 year old having a tantrum because he got caught stealing candy. DO NOT FALL FOR THIS WORD SALAD and PSYCHOPUKE FROM HIM! Do NOT give him the luxury of feeling sorry for him. No Contact, no response & COURT ON FRIDAY. If he tells you he isn't showing up - DON'T REMIND HIM HE HAS TO TELL YOUR LAWYER NOT YOU and for GOD'S SAKE do NOT accommodate this freak!! Let him default and get slapped with a Bench Warrant! He's full of it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #3)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

barbara...

List of why he thinks i need to be empathetic 1.All of what we shared 2. He worked his ass off for years to give me a good lifestyle 3. Because I played a role in the fracture of our relationship 4. Because I know that there are elements in all of this that are driven by things that are deeply psychological not intentional. 5. Because he too has suffered greatly and has a serious cracked relationship with his most be loved thing (our son - no mention of other kids.) 6. Because he has been deeply depressed, overwhelmed, suicidal. 7. Because you know just how impossible my responsibilities are right now 8. Because I love you and the kids. He goes onto say that I may totally disagree but I have an incredible talent at taking anything I say and completely twisting it to show me to be just plain horrible. Please comment
Jun 9 - 4PM (Reply to #6)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

I see your lips moving...

...but I have no idea what you're saying!? This is how I feel about mine, and it's taken work to get there. My ex is a fabulous speaker, articulate, intelligent, can write the most heart-felt e-mails...but when it comes to actually being "that guy", he's got NOTHIN'. Mallory, he's full of pee-pee and spit out toothpaste (see wornout's post).
Jun 9 - 2PM (Reply to #5)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Reminder

Hi mallory, Remember all of the completely selfish things he has done and hoew he never, even once, considered your feelings or your children's. He is counting on you to cave in to him and he is trying to manipulate you and twist everything around to make it all your fault. You are in the driver's seat with the settlement and custody, a position that was aided by his stupid, reckless, cruel behavior. I know that it is hard to stick it to him, but stay the course, do what's right for you and your children, because he won't.
Jun 9 - 3PM (Reply to #4)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory - he's an a**hole

1.All of what we shared - WHICH HE PISSED ALL OVER 2. He worked his ass off for years to give me a good lifestyle - AND THINKS THAT ENTITLES HIM TO ACT LIKE A CREEP AND TREAT YOU LIKE DIRT? NOT! 3. Because I played a role in the fracture of our relationship - REALLY? WOULD THAT BE - ASKING FOR BOUNDARIES, ASKING HIM TO END THE AFFAIR, GOING TO COUNSELING, AND FILING FOR DIVORCE WHEN THIS JERK CONTINUED HIS AMORAL DOINGS? 4. Because I know that there are elements in all of this that are driven by things that are deeply psychological not intentional. - SORRY THEY ARE INTENTIONAL. THIS IS A PERSONALITY DISORDER NOT MENTAL ILLNESS. THIS STATEMENT BY HIM SHOWS HE KNOWS HIS BEHAVIOR IS AMORAL & WRONG HE JUST DOESN'T CARE 5. Because he too has suffered greatly and has a serious cracked relationship with his most be loved thing (our son - no mention of other kids.) RIGHT. HIS SON! WHO SHOULD BE KEPT AWAY FROM THIS PSYCHOPATH AT ALL COST. 6. Because he has been deeply depressed, overwhelmed, suicidal. WHATEVER! HE NEEDS TO TAKE A BIG BOY PILL. I HEAR NO MENTION OF WHAT THIS HAS DONE TO YOU OR THE KIDS. AND HE DOESN'T SOUND DEPRESSED - HE SOUNDS DESPERATE TO GET OUT OF FACING A JUDGE! 7. Because you know just how impossible my responsibilities are right now - IMPOSSIBLE? LOL!! HE DOESN'T WANT THE COURT TO HOLD HIM ACCOUNTABLE FOR HIS NONSENSE. WELL BOO-HOO JERKBOY. 8. Because I love you and the kids. THIS CRETIN WOULDN'T KNOW WHAT LOVE IS IF IT BIT HIM IN THE A**. BESIDES HE DIDN'T WANT TO PARENT OR HELP WITH THE KIDS - YOU HAVE DONE ALL THE 'HEAVY LIFTING'. What's the bottom line? He wants to stay married and stay with his flavor-of-the-moment girlfriend? Sorry. THAT IS BULLCRAP. He goes onto say that I may totally disagree but I have an incredible talent at taking anything I say and completely twisting it to show me to be just plain horrible. They ALL have this talent. Almost all psychopaths are masters with this - SEND IT TO YOUR LAWYER. He's desperate because he knows he's about to get a legal spanking. He's all MIND-BENDING TALK and then DESPICABLE ACTIONS! DO NOT RESPOND TO HIM. AND TOO BAD FOR HIM, huh? A judge is not going to care one BIT about him and his 'feelings' (gag me) they are going to want to know: - abuse? HELL YES - Sexual, emotional & verbal - affair - HIM - use of marital assets - We know the answer to that! - use of marital home - see above - children's welfare - all taken care of by YOU not him - children's well being for future - he could care less Those are just a few things. I can't wait to hear what a judge does with his ME ME ME ME blahblahblah. He's toast. STAY THE COURSE - DO NOT WASTE YOUR EMPATHY ON THIS PSYCHOPATH!