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"Normal" terrifies me...

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#1 Jun 8 - 2PM
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

"Normal" terrifies me...

Ladies,

I am scared! I am scared of a "normal" guy. Im still in the "trying to leave" stage.We dont live together and I have been creating a lot of distance. The distance is actually making him turn into the most fantastic guy ever. But Im still very aware, and feel as tho I can do this.I told him, I was going to see other people. Which he said is fine with him, but I know he doesnt actually think Im going to.

Heres my dilema......

I met this fantastic guy, he is a "man", We have never gone out, and have spoke a few times and text each other randomly....here and there. He has been asking me out. And everytime he does, I make up an excuse, because I am terrified of him. My current N, needs a lot of attention (obv) and is very insecure (obv) but is masked with his stupid pathetic ego (obv). But this guy, is sweet and has boundaries and respects me when I say I cant get together, and seems to really wanna try to take me out and get to know me.

Im scared that im to emotional damaged/insecure....I dont even know him all that well and I already think, he is too good for me, and that I am too broken. Have any of you struggled with this!? Any tips!?

Jun 9 - 2PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

whatever

time & therapy ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 8 - 10PM
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

tell the new guy

... you are just out of a very painful abusive relationship and he needs to give you some time. Tell him to call you in about 10 months and to thank him for caring. Read this: http://saferelationshipsmagazine.com/category/thesurvivors/relapseprevention If he's worth it - he'll wait. Do NOT jump into a new relationship right now! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #2)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

you are right!

im not ready for anything. How do you overcome all of your fears, how to you build yourself back to the self confident women you once were. How do you ever love/trust again, and know if its real?
Jun 9 - 11AM (Reply to #3)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Take time

The best way to heal from all of this is to first, take time to relearn who you are. Do things with friends, and activities where you can rebuild your self esteem and confidence. It will happen, you just have to take the time. Learning to trust again IS hard. I'm out 2-1/2 years, and I'm still leery. I'm engaged, but I find myself constantly analyzing everything my fiance does to make sure he's not somehow fooling me like my ex did. I know this is bad, and it was probably too soon for me to get into another serious relationship. But, he understands this, and we're taking it slow. He proves to me in little ways every day that I CAN trust him. And he doesn't push. I'm also taking steps to get myself into counseling. I think that's just what it takes...taking the chance (when you're ready) and the "right guy" WILL be patient and understanding....and help you relearn to trust. But you have to work on yourself and your self esteem first. ~Denise~
Jun 10 - 8AM (Reply to #4)
whatever2009
whatever2009's picture

Question...

when you were finally done, did you feel as tho, you were scared to date again? and scared to be yourself.....
Jun 10 - 7PM (Reply to #8)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Still scared

I'm STILL scared to be myself. I feel like a dog that's hand shy most of the time. Always afraid of what the reaction will be to me just doing something that is just me...I find I have a hard time accepting being accepted, waiting for something to end up being held against me, if that makes sense. It's a long road... ~Denise~
Jun 10 - 9AM (Reply to #7)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

whatever

YES. That's a normal feeling. And getting past them took a LOT of time, counseling and working on me... doing things for me... learning to like being alone with myself. You should get a copy of the book HOW TO SPOT A DANGEROUS MAN and the workbook and work through it, for yourself. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Jun 10 - 9AM (Reply to #5)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

dating

Personally, I won't date again for a while. And that's not easy for me - for the most part of my life, I've always been with someone. But I won't go from the frying pan into the fire. Plus, I need to learn to trust again. Right now, most men look like potential psycho's to me. Yes, I'm paranoid, thanks to my ex, another lovely parting gift courtesy of him...
Jun 10 - 8PM (Reply to #6)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

quietude

I feel the same way, but I am terrified to date again. I look at all potential men as possible abusers. I know I need to work through this and in time I will. I have a male friend that I have known for 15 years. He is very kind, and does sweet things for the kids and I. He will leave groceries at the door, or a toy for a kid. All of them are left for me to find. He understands what I am going through since he went through something similar a decade ago. He respects my space, and totally leaves me alone unless I reach out. Still, I am terrified. I know there is no hurry. I too believe in waiting a long time till I work through so much stuff. Sometimes I wonder though if I will be able to work through my stuff, be attracted to good men, and learn to trust again.