Suicide

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#1 June 5, 2009 - 11:10am
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Suicide

Just received a text that states that STBXNH has been contemplating suicide, and GF is what is keeping him alive.

Feeling empathy towards him, and yet don't understand why he continues to make himself sicker and sicker in his relationship to his GF. If he is so torn, why doesn't he go seek help, and continue to make choices that escalate his distance with his children?

June 7, 2009 - 3:24pm
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

She now has a suicidal

She now has a suicidal boyfriend and is probaably bending over backwards to do whatever he wants so he doesn't kill himself. You are out of something really crazy and she is now in the middle of it. He will not kill himself it is the ultimate crazy maker control game. In a bit of time she will be out and he will have another. He also could be bored with her, if she has problems, and is using threats to get rid of her.
June 7, 2009 - 2:10pm
neveragain
neveragain's picture

If You Can't Live Without Me, Why Aren't You Dead Yet?

I heard that somewhere and it fits the Narcissists drama-making perfectly. They will say ANYTHING to try to keep control of you. They will have all sorts of diseases and problems. Remember, THEY'RE the victim!! It makes me sick. The twisted and absurd thing is, after being victimized by a Narcissist, YOU are the one that ends up looking like a crazy person. Turn into a robot, don't give them any satisfaction of a response. Be as blank as possible in your verbal and visual responses. If you can, IGNORE THEM. They are little babies crying because they're NOT gettting THEIR Waaaaaay!!
June 7, 2009 - 2:48pm (Reply to #12)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

exactly!

That made me think of Alanis Morissette's song; ..."Does she know how you told me you'd hold me Until you died, till you died But you're still alive" I found my narc to be extreme in his statements: I would NEVER...blah blah I will ALWAYS, blah blah You are the ONLY woman, the BEST woman, blah blah and of course, I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT YOU! Ha! They are fantastic story tellers, but rarely have the actions to back it up!
June 7, 2009 - 3:17pm (Reply to #13)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

quietude

Most Narcs CONSTANTLY uses absolutes, such as 'you never' or 'you always' to incite a fight with you: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/09/phrases-abusers-love-to-use.html ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
June 6, 2009 - 11:45pm
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

mallory

if he sends you anything that talks about suicide again...: 1. send to your attorney, make note of time, date and number sent from 2. call the police near him to check on him Don't think about whether he is or not. Just do it. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
June 5, 2009 - 11:45am
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

bull

If he is so torn, why doesn't he go seek help, and continue to make choices that escalate his distance with his children? Because he is FULL OF SHIT!! And trying to get your attention & empathy back. Scr** him. Blech! Now granted talk of suicide is dangerous - but I have yet to meet a Narc who DID it. They usually threaten it when there's a "narcissistic injury" (i.e. - exposure, someone finally caught on & left them, they aren't getting the attention they want, etc.) It's a "hoover manuever." Send the full copy of this text, time & date to your attorney NOW. If he sends another one - do not respond to him. Call the police in his area, tell them he sent you a text on 'time & date' saying he is contemplating suicide and they need to go check on him please. If he doesn't like it then tell him to leave the drama-llama away from you! Narcissists DO NOT try to commit suicide. When you love yourself as much as a narcissist does, suicide is not an option. - Dr. Dan Williams
June 6, 2009 - 11:10pm (Reply to #8)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Barbara...

I sent the text to my attorney. I don't think he is really suicidal. I believe it is another form of manipulation. It is like..."Mallory, I need to continue my relationship with my GF because she is helping me clean the house, feed our animals, and is keeping me alive! You know, if he was really that despondent, he would enter therapy, end his relationship, and start doing some work to build back his self esteem. He is like a crazy pin pong ball that just bounces back and forth manically to whatever is going to give him a feel good fix for the moment. They are like active drug addicts. I don't believe my STBXNH will ewver do any deep work. He will just continue his stream of hurting women, but at least he has one fan...his mother. I don't mean to sound cold, but I don't have to much sympathy for his suicidal thoughts. i know what deep depression feels like. I know what is like to want to kill yourself. BUt, at thes darkest moments, I drove myself to a hospital and did not leave until I got the help that I needed. If he is really depressed, he needs to get himself the help that he needs. He need to start looking at himself and inside himself for his soul. I have given up hope a long time ago that that will ever happen. I hope I don't sound so calloused, but people have to help themselves. It is lonely, it is scary, but it is true.
June 7, 2009 - 12:34am (Reply to #9)
RenewD
RenewD's picture

Call his bluff

Mallory, If he says anything else about suicide, I agree with what Barbara said. Call his bluff and send the police to where he is. That will humiliate him, he'll stop trying to manipulate you, and you won't hear about it again. It IS just a ploy to get you to feel sorry for him. ~Denise~
June 6, 2009 - 11:10pm (Reply to #7)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Barbara...

I sent the text to my attorney. I don't think he is really suicidal. I believe it is another form of manipulation. It is like..."Mallory, I need to continue my relationship with my GF because she is helping me clean the house, feed our animals, and is keeping me alive! You know, if he was really that despondent, he would enter therapy, end his relationship, and start doing some work to build back his self esteem. He is like a crazy pin pong ball that just bounces back and forth manically to whatever is going to give him a feel good fix for the moment. They are like active drug addicts. I don't believe my STBXNH will ewver do any deep work. He will just continue his stream of hurting women, but at least he has one fan...his mother. I don't mean to sound cold, but I don't have to much sympathy for his suicidal thoughts. i know what deep depression feels like. I know what is like to want to kill yourself. BUt, at thes darkest moments, I drove myself to a hospital and did not leave until I got the help that I needed. If he is really depressed, he needs to get himself the help that he needs. He need to start looking at himself and inside himself for his soul. I have given up hope a long time ago that that will ever happen. I hope I don't sound so calloused, but people have to help themselves. It is lonely, it is scary, but it is true.
June 5, 2009 - 11:49am (Reply to #2)
quietude (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

threats

Agree, mine danced around the suicide talk, he was much more covert saying things like 'it might be better if I wasn't around at all', 'I have nothing to live for if I lose you'. In my case, it was a sympathy ploy. You just can't feel responsible in any way for their behavior. I so much agree with Barbara, if he threatens it, tell the police. That would be a major calling-out of his manipulation! Also, valuable information in court in case of a custody battle.
June 5, 2009 - 12:03pm (Reply to #3)
GhostBuster
GhostBuster's picture

Agreed

I don't buy it either. Just a sympathy and attention ploy. And yes, inform the police and let them address it. I'll bet he'll feel humiliated when the police check on him. N's hate humiliation, right? I was thinking about this the other day. When my ex N was torturing me toward the end (emotionally), he asked me repeatedly if I had ever been suicidal. Now granted, I as sleepless and anxiety ridden, but not suicidal. I told him each time he asked that I had never been suicidal nor was I suicidal. Sometimes, I think he asked me that because he didn't want a guilty conscience if I did off myself due to his behavior/brain damage. But I wonder if he was projecting his own suicidal thoughts onto me? Or if he was trying to make himself feel more important in some way--like "she loves me so much I could drive her to suicide." Don't really know what to make of that. Any ideas?
June 6, 2009 - 4:24pm (Reply to #4)
grossot
grossot's picture

my guess

My guess would be he'd love to think that you'd end your life over him - he really thinks he's that important and it makes sense: he's not thinking rationally - empathy - you know is not one of their strong points. He's just inflating himself. Its all he knows! I think you're on to something there! nolongercontrolled
June 6, 2009 - 9:20pm (Reply to #5)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Agreed

Yes, I agree, in his warped mind, he might expect you to commit suicide over him because he believes he is that important. From my own personal experience, I don't believe narcissists will commit suicide, but they always threaten it at the end of every relationship.
June 7, 2009 - 4:24pm (Reply to #6)
finallydone
finallydone's picture

I just thought this was so

I just thought this was so interesting because mine has never threatened to commit suicide himself. But the subject has come up when hearing about other people (including me) having difficulty, he has been known to say "why don't you (or they) just go commit suicide if you're so F'ing miserable. He also liked to mention how he could sometimes understand how somebody could think genocide was a good idea but was sure to mention that he would never participate in that. He likes to refer to other people as "lemmings and ignorant F's.". Did I mention he wants to be president? He started his own political party and has a website. Go to theamericanpeoplesparty.com and check it out. All of his yack about hypocrisy etc is very interesting. Please read it and then send him an email telling him he sounds like a raging narcissist. Okay, I'm feeling a little mad right now. Sorry for the vengeful remark. I think the more I read these posts the more memories pop up and make sense and I feel angry for being such a sap.