Land of Confusion

He has your number. you are a decent person who wants to have a good relationship. he gets that so he gives you a taste of what you want so you stay hooked. If your intellect liked Lisa's show you have to move your emotional self into line. the one nasty remark per day will go to two as he tests your resistance. Stick to your guns, know you can do better and deserve better, and watch the smoke and brimstone when you throw the devil out. there is an old joke about the devil wanting to attack a church that had good souls in it. the devil came to a Sunday service screaming, and shaking the earth, while the air filled with fire and brimstone. All the people and the minister ran for their lives as the devil screamed insults at them from the altar. One lady in the front row just sat there. The larger than life image of the devil put all of his screaming directly at her. she didn't seem to care. The devil said, "I am the most feared object in the universe why aren't you showing fear." The lady replied, "why should I be afraid of you I have been married to your brother for 25 years.!"

I have been charting the "hoovering". back and forth.I don't get sucked in anymore but it is fasinating to observe his tactics. He has played me like a yo yo. I am done. But he is still trying this insane game. Every second you stay is a total waste of time. Harsh,sad, but true. And the realization of this truth sucks so bad. It is a pain that shakes you at the core. For me it hurts like it did when I lost my dad as a child(due to abandonment.He is a textbook narcissist). Leah

it doesn't matter how they perceive you...as ns supply object or not because the main thing is that they're just going to keep abusing you disrespecting etc...and extremely in lots of forms....are rarely faithful...they could easily love their significant others...or whatever form of love possesses them, but they won't stop the abuse or degradation etc...it'll never stop...it just goes through cycles of valuation/deval...and chaos, confusion, anxiety, abuse... it's just never ending hell...any ps treats their victim as an object...narcissists somewhat less than the extremely dangerous sociopaths or psychopaths but...still badly, and still an object...it's mentally preparing urself for the hell that entails dealing with these predators...and realizing they don't change or arent' going to change or are ever really nice...their nice phase is just a phase that lasts for a little bit then one deviation and they're back to being monsters...

Oh yes, this is so predictable! The minute we pull back or show some type of reservation, they lay on the charm big time. In their mind, they won you over in the beginning by feedling you crap and b.s. so why not lay on the same charm to keep you around? This is exactly what he will do now until he feels he has you back under his control. Don't believe it, any of it. You know who he really is, just don't forget that! Stay strong!

Oh yes, this is so predictable! The minute we pull back or show some type of reservation, they lay on the charm big time. In their mind, they won you over in the beginning by feedling you crap and b.s. so why not lay on the same charm to keep you around? This is exactly what he will do now until he feels he has you back under his control. Don't believe it, any of it. You know who he really is, just don't forget that! Stay strong!

Wow, they are quite predictible, aren't they? If you had written here before you told him, these ladies would have predicted this scenario, as in be prepared for him to blame-shift, and then try to be sugary sweet because we have fallen for that routine before, lay on the guilt trip, act hurt, make excuses,...etc. How would the scenario go in a normal relationship? He'd probably be very embarassed, lots of apologizing, willingness to seek help for the problem on his own so he can deal with the root of the issue, a genuine desire to not 'want' to be this way, and to offer to take a break from the relationship while doing so. And not once make you feel badly about his actions. It's hard to see things clearly when they've got you in the 'fog' & a constant state of confusion. Anyone whose been with a narc can attest to feeling all of these things. You know this is temporary 'niceness', and you're right, his narcissism and self-preservation comes first. Keep taking your steps forward...good luck!

go to the message board and go BACK over old messages. This one's classic. He's doing something called HOOVERING: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2006/05/hoover-how-to-recognize-it-and-move.html and this: http://www.geocities.com/andifekete/phases.html Two words: GET OUT. Don't tell or threaten to go - just GO. ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/