possessions

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#1 May 25 - 11PM
grossot
grossot's picture

possessions

What the hell is with possessions? Honestly, I think during this divorce, if I said I wanted the crap out of the litter box he'd fight me for it.

May 30 - 12AM
Elena
Elena's picture

Possessions!

Grossot, Yes, the situation with possessions is quite something. When my divorce process started, it was in December, and it was pretty cold and icy, and I slipped and sprained my ankle, so I still needed him to give me a ride to work, as I was walking in crutches. Well, one day, we were both riding back from work, and I was of course really sad and almost crying in the car, I was in the deepest of my pain, so, so hurt, and on top of that, I was dealing with the physical pain of the sprained ankle, and not being able to walk by myself drained me. I could not think of anything else but my pain. So in the midst of that gloomy and sad atmosphere, he breaks the silence in the car by saying - "You know what else I would like to take with me when I leave the house... the coffee maker". Can you believe it?! Here I am, brokenhearted, almost in tears, in both emotional and physical pain, and he asks me for the coffeemaker!!!! This also shows the lack of empathy piece of the narcissist. I was in so much pain, and he doesn't care, he's thinking of the coffeemaker he wants to take. Wow! I totally understand you Grossot! Elena
Jun 3 - 10PM (Reply to #15)
grossot
grossot's picture

Feels good to be understood.

Feels good to be understood. I think this message board has made me feel real again! Thank you! So now for the important question: who got the coffee maker that is apparently made of solid gold and diamonds? nolongercontrolled
May 30 - 2PM (Reply to #12)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

The things they say

Wow, Elena. I cannot believe as you're in the deepest pit of your life, he tells you he wants the frickin coffee maker!!!! OMG! They have absolutely no compassion. They are devoid of any empathy. It blows me away what comes out of their mouths sometimes. During my separation, my ex-husband and I were in the basement of our home packing boxes. It was very emotional and difficult for me because it made the reality of our situation so real and sad. So you know what he says to me as we're packing boxes and dividing our possessions? He says: "You know, I'm glad we're getting a divorce. I never did understand why someone would want to have sex with the same person more than once. I mean, been there, done that. What's the point?" And he says this with a huge smile on his face, like he's so glad I pushed for a divorce for this reason!
Jun 1 - 1PM (Reply to #13)
Elena
Elena's picture

What he said got worse

Lisa, Wow, your ex sounds like mine! They totally lack healthy human emotions; they are such distorted individuals. By the way, this conversation got worse! It happened at the very beginning of the separation process, so he was still staying at our home, and nothing had been processed yet when it comes the legal aspect of the divorce, and we had not even put the house up for sale yet. So my response to the coffeemaker comment (in my weakness, very weak), I said - "You know, I need the coffemaker, why don't you buy yourself one at Walmart, they are only $20", and his response was - "You don't need one, you're going to live at your sister's house", I said - "Yes, but I will live in our house until we sell it". His response was - "Oh, I thought we had already sold the house". Can you believe this crazy response?! He was so detached from reality, that it seemed like he lost touch with not only reality, but also with his sense of "time", like he was living in another world. He scared me when he said this. I said - "What do you mean? We haven't even put the house up for sale yet? How can it be sold?" He didn't have much to answer after that.
Jun 1 - 8PM (Reply to #14)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Elena

Wow! What a perfect example of how out of touch with reality these guys are and how they let everyone around them take care of them as if they're children. He actually thought the house was already sold?! A grown man does not even realize what's going on with his own house - whether it's for sale, sold, or not sold. Truly pathetic, but great example of how they refuse to take responsibility for anything and expect us to take care of everything!
May 27 - 10PM
grossot
grossot's picture

Damn!

what happened to these poor souls as children? i guess that's a topic in and of itself. You girls are giving me hope to find a place and make it mine. Prayerfully i wont have to let him know where it is and will just be able to meet him somewhere so he can visit his daughter. The cookbook story makes me smile:) it's so freakin' frustrating when you are going through it but it makes for a good story later. And hopefully you can see what a different kind of person you are as compared to the narc! As I sit here looking at old pics (I did manage to grab them) I remember the day he came home and I had my things in boxes (by things I mean, photos, a few clothes, toys/books for my daughter, some of my toiletries...). He was spittin' mad. He went through every one of the boxes looking for the oatmeal container of change we had kept in our bedroom (probably 75$ worth of change) - that's what he got out. Not one f---ing picture of his daughter. "Where did you put it?" he scowled. "I know you have it" "What have you done with it" I said, "I put our life's memories in a box and you're worried about 75 f---ing dollars?; what's wrong with you?" no answer - just rummages til he finds it - the treasure - the magic container that would solve all his problems. As he hugs it (yes, I said, hugs) He says, "You never put any change in here" (btw - we had a joint account until just before this time. ). Then he seemed upset that I wasn't going to fight for it. nolongercontrolled
May 27 - 11PM (Reply to #10)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

grossot

oh man. I am sorry, but I had to laugh about the oatmeal container. Of all the things to worry about! Mine was the same. When I was still living with my STBXNH, I told him I was going to move with the kids back home on the other side of the country if he did not end his relationship with GF. I had lost 20 pounds, my hair was falling out, I had a new baby, and I was a reck. I new that if I didn't get home to my family and support, I may not get through any of this. Anyway, I had a moving truck come, and I went through the house and boxed up everything that was the kids or mine, or anything we might need. All of our pictures, all the kids toys,books, clothes...everything related to the kids. I was amazed how STBXNH just sat and watched as I packed everything up. He didn't even shed a tear. After the moving van left the house...it was like the entire soul of the house was gone. You wouldn't have even known a family had lived there. STBNH then drove his family all the way to the other side of the country, dropped us off, and flew home to GF. I remembered feeling sad for him. I kept on thinking about how devestating it would be for him to return to the house totally abscent of his family. I was wrong. THe STBXN had GF move in the day he got home from dropping us off. They "celebrated" all their hard work they went through to be together. (This is word for word what he told me.) THey picked out new paint colors, a new TV and sound system, etc.... The man did not miss or mourn the children one bit. Did not care about the photos, toys, memories, nothing! He just wanted to know if I had taken a piece of crappy pottery we had bought for under 5 bucks at an antique/ flea market.
May 26 - 2PM
Carolyn
Carolyn's picture

The possessions are an

The possessions are an extension of him and his ego and it annoys you when he fights over everything plus he gets your attention. It is a win/win for him and a truly annoying and stressful experience for you. that's why you are leaving-your interests are different.
May 26 - 12AM
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

re-possessions

It is cause you want it, they want it. You are right, if you say you want the kitty litter, they want the kitty litter. I think it is control. Make sure you take everything that is important to you. When kids and I moved I, I hired a moving company. When he was at work, I went through the house and put a sticker on everything in the house that I wanted. I had him walk through the house and ok all my choices. Mine didn't flinch. He wanted us out of the house so bad, that he even helped us pack. New Narcissitic supply was on the way. Stand your ground on the things that really matter, and on the same note...don't go crazy over a lamp. Don't let them tear you down with a fight. Demand what you want. Prioritize it and pick and choose your battles. If you are leaving, take whatever you can, because it is harder to go back to get it.
May 26 - 6AM (Reply to #2)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

like a toddler aren't they?

mallory's right - he only wants it to hurt you since I will be in the hospital for a while I cleaned out my storage shed last weekend. 10 boxes of - guess what? HIS CRAP!! I took a couple boxes to his place and he BITCHED & COMPLAINED. Too bad so sad. Get your CRAP out of my place. Some is still in the shed - nothing I can do until I am recovered... months from now. Yet he will tell me I have TOO MUCH STUFF. feh! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
May 26 - 1PM (Reply to #3)
Fawn
Fawn's picture

Stuff

The weekend I moved into the house, after finding the notes from the babysitter that he left out on the bar for everyone to see, the Habitat For Humanity Restore truck just happened to drive through the neighborhood. Boy, were they ever happy to get a whole bunch of furniture and stuff to sell in their store, and I got a tax deduction!I am a big fan of getting rid of stuff to clear your head. I wanted to remove every trace of him from that house and am now beginning to paint and plant flowers, make repairs, and really claim the house.
May 26 - 8PM (Reply to #4)
malloryforest
malloryforest's picture

Dcrutche

It is the BEST feeling to physically, and visually clean them out of your space. We now live in a little rental apartment, and I LOVE IT. Everything is bright and cheerful! Everything is happy and warm and inviting. I call it my safe place. It is our place to heal and grow. The boys love it. I must say, it is great to get rid of them, to sell there crap, or just leave them in their own depressing crap. We are planting flowers, painting, hanging up kids artwork and my artwork, and making a really fun space. I am so happy that you are reclaiming your space!
May 27 - 5PM (Reply to #7)
Suzie (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

sweet

I am soooooo looking forward to that. I feel like crying just thinking about it. A safe place. My place. I can't wait to claim my space!!!!!!!!!!!! Leah
May 27 - 11AM (Reply to #5)
startnew (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

Isn't it wonderful?

We are also in a small apartment and my son and I are soooo happy! I hung up some pictures, got rid of all of his selfish crap and we have toys all over!! :-) It is great! So nice to have something positive for once. It is sooo great to go home at the end of the work day. Such a new feeling for me---I LOVE it! I am so happy for you guys, too!
May 27 - 12PM (Reply to #6)
cassiemay
cassiemay's picture

story

Unfortunately, my STBX and I had WAY TOO MUCH STUFF.....all HIS purchases, of course, because had to have the latest and greatest, even if was a new extension cord. (I kid you not). Anyway, one time when I was moving into my apt. I went to the house to get just a few things that I would need. He was not there, but came home just as I was leaving. Now...we have, literally, about 200 cookbooks. I took 6. He grabs the box I"m taking out and rifles through the books, grabs a good one and says "The ONLY one I USE!" . I threw it at him and left. Unbelievable. CM