Narcissistic fathers

My ex is coming in to visit kids next weekend. Always a struggle for me. We live across country from him. I left after two years of emotional abuse involving him and another married woman. The affair was flaunted everyday, and I was the cause of everything. Even my healthy reaction, anger and sadness, to this treatment was turned on me. It was my anger and sadness, and the fact that I couldn't just be loving and supportive while he continued his affair, that drove him to continue his affair.

Eventually I left with three kids back to my home town to be close to my family and friends. My ex didn't fight it. He helped with the move. Her Uhaul pulled up into my driveway the day he got back to my old house.

They immediately went on vacation together, payed for out of my husband and my joint savings account, to celebrate all the hard work they put in to be together. (yes, he told me this.)

What makes me so sick, is the poor me my children where taken from me role that he loves to play. He never fought the move. He drove us cross country!!! He makes himself out to be the victim. The selfless one, who sacrificed his children for the health of their selfish mother.

He doesn't recognize on any level that he created this horrible situation. Even the affair is my fault. Had I been a better partner, he would not have been in this situation.

He ignored the kids when we were together. Wouldn't do anything with them unless it worked in his schedule. I remember asking him to come to the local pool to watch his child swim. His response....he didn't like pools. Now when he comes to visit, he is attentive. I am happy that the kids enjoy him, but it feels like such a show.

In front of other people, he is the adoring attentive father. But you should here him talk. The sons are little hims. Everything they do is just like him. When I wanted to sign the boys up for soccer, he said he didn't want his boys to play sports. He never played sports.

I remember wanting to start a college fund for the kids, and a life insurance policy. We were in the financial position to do it. I received horrible emails about how terribly selfish I was. I was controlling him and his money. Why should we pay into a life insurance policy because he wouldn't be around to enjoy the money.

H started his affair when I was pregnant. You should have seen him at the delivery. It was such an imposition that his child was being born. I am delivering and he is eating ham and cheese croissants. Even the doctor told him, he would kill him if he were his husband.

Once my son came home...H was never around. Never held him, fed him., touched him, etc.
He resented this child. He resented me.

Now he posts pictures of this child on his facebook site. He put up pictures of the kids in his office. The kids he gave away for some affair.

He claims he doesn't really love this woman. He wishes she didn't have kids of her own. He even told me once how great their affair is. I take care of his kids, her husband takes care of her kids, and they get to live in this fantasy affair land!!

Reality is hitting. Due to their affair, she is without job, divorced, and has joint custody. With no income, she has no place to go. Where is she going? Into my house. Who is supporting her and her kids? My husband and I until our finances and property are divided.

Sick part. He does not want her kids. He doesn't like them. He has NEVER liked kids. He told me he is letting her move in and the kids, because he is not going to be alone, and he needs someone to help him clean the house and feed our animals. Those poor kids, whose mother can't even see how she needs to protect them.

So once again, he comes this weekend to be a father. I know my kids need a father, and I do support their relationship, but I feel for my boys. What happens when the boys grow and they have minds and feelings of their own that don't support everything dad believes? When is it better for a father not to be such a part of a child's life, or is it always better for the kids to have their father no matter who that father is?

I just want what is best for them.