Please remember

This post is so powerful. I agree with Fairy Wings. It's absolutely poetic. So true and so profound. Do you mind if I also post this to my blog and add your name as author?! I believe it is so important that we all understand we are not bad people because they targeted us. It's quite the contrary. They chose us because we are strong, caring, successful and independent woman. For that, we musn't forget.

This is beautiful writing, almost poetic. I think this would be a good reminder to have hanging on my kitchen wall. I put inspirational stuff up to remind me I'm a worthwhile person! Thank you.

let me c&p something here, with edits: PREDATORS HUNT THE WOUNDED An abuse survivor e-mailed me saying how she seemed to attract men who want to exploit her. On the other hand, good people seemed to run from her. Tragically, this is the common experience of abuse survivors, whether they be men or women. I had often puzzled as to why this is. The woman sent me a couple of photos of herself and suddenly I understood. No, she was not dressed to seduce. The reply I sent her was a little gentler than the following, but here is the essence of what I said: Your photos, though nice, give the impression that you are sad, shy, lacking in confidence and aching for love. An evil man might look at those photos and think to himself, “I bet her self-esteem is so low that she thinks no decent guy would want her. Her need for love and for a boost in self-esteem seem so great that if I let her think that I could meet these needs, she would be so scared of losing me that she would give me anything I want, no matter how perverted. If I initially treat her tenderly and kindly and flatter her, I’ll have a good chance of turning her into little more than my slave. Then I could treat her however I wish.” If, on the other hand, a man saw you as happy, confident and relatively content, he’d assume you are quite choosy as to who you relate to and how far you would go. He’d assume you have none of the desperation that pressures some women to compromise their morals to get the love they crave. Anyone with evil intentions would be likely to back off and look for someone who seems more vulnerable. Not only could this be a factor in men with evil intent being attracted to you, it could cause good men (or good women with a lesbian weakness) to feel tempted to try to get their way with you. Because they are honorable, they are likely to run from you, fearing that if they stayed close to you they might yield to that temptation. Regardless of how resistant to sexual pressure they really are, people with low self-esteem and who crave love give the impression that they are vulnerable to exploitation and/or seduction. Upon finding such a person, immoral people feel emboldened to test their suspicion that they have found someone they could seduce. People lacking in self-esteem are likely to mistakenly believe that sex – not their personality – is their only way of winning the love they desperately need. They fall for the horrible lie that their only chance of receiving even an illusion of the love they crave is to yield to sexual advances. This makes them highly vulnerable. So intense is the pressure, that they need far superior self-control than what other people need in order to remain sexually pure. Moreover, abuse survivors are strongly tempted to accept the lie that because they have been mistreated before, they have little purity left to protect. As if these strong pressures were not enough, abuse survivors find resisting an evil man much harder than other people find it because they have suffered the past horror of having done everything possible to resist and yet still being overpowered. Having suffered situations in which resistance was impossible causes them to lose hope that they could ever successfully prevent anyone from exploiting them. They become convinced that any attempt to resist would be a futile waste of effort. Sexual predators know this, so they are on the look out for abuse survivors. A tragically large number of abuse survivors have mistakenly thought that perhaps they have low morals or are evil or that God is against them, since that they seem to attract sexual predators. This is most certainly not so. The thought is so obviously incorrect that, theoretically, there should be no need to deny it. Sadly, it needs to be spelled out because offenders are skilled at cruelly manipulating tender consciences, causing their victims to have a mistaken view of themselves. The truth is that abuse survivors tend to attract repeat offenses simply because they are hurting, and sexual predators, like beasts of prey, think the wounded might be an easier target. If predators imagine they have a chance with you, it means nothing. Simply by refusing their advances, you can prove them wrong. Knowing why the wrong sort of people might try to exploit you can be a relief. There is nothing wrong with you, other than the simple fact that you are hurting. I am sure what you really want to know, however, is how to prevent this attention. It’s easy to say that self-esteem, confidence and feeling loved is the answer, but the difficulty is knowing how to grow in these things. Sandra Brown, MA has said many times that the psychopaths & narcissists she interviewed, when asked what they looked for in 'prey' answered "Vulnerability." ~~~~~~~~~~~~ Free articles & information for abuse victims: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/