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Shame

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#1 Apr 21 - 11PM
Elena
Elena's picture

Shame

Ladies,

I am struggling tonight. Even though I know I was married to a Narcissist, and I know how dysfunctional he is, and why my marriage failed, I feel so much shame. I think it's because of the fact that he rejected me and he discarded me, and everyone knows it. My family, my friends, acquaintances, everyone knows he left me for someone else. The feeling of rejection is really getting to me today. My sister showed me his Facebook account with his picture on it, and this really got to me, because he looks with such pride, like if he has such an honorable life, and here I am falling apart. I feel I cannot face the world. When I think of facing people we both knew, I dread it. I feel so humiliated, and I feel like going into a shell and never coming out. I'm not the one who did something wrong, and yet I feel this way.

How do I come out of this with a sense of dignity, as I've been told I need to be acting like? Help!

Apr 22 - 1AM
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Ruby

I'm so sorry you are hurting tonight. I so feel your pain. Do not look at him on Facebook. I don't think anyone should have an ex on Facebook. If you do, delete him immediately. That is pure torture. You do not need to know what he is doing. I know your sister showed it to you so hopefully, you don't have access to it. Please don't look at it again. You must remember that behind that big fake grin is a very sick man. So sick he would cheat on his wife and then have the audacity to post a picture of himself on Facebook with a shit-eating grin on his face? He has no shame, which just further proves his sickness. Do you remember the story the Scarlett Letter? After this woman was accused of cheating on her husband, she was made to wear a Scarlett Letter so people would ridicule and degrade her. Your husband cheats on you, and your whole social circle knows about it and then he has the nerve to post a smiling picture of himself on Facebook. Excuse me while I go vomit right now. YOU, my friend, have nothing to be ashamed of. YOU did nothing wrong. YOU tried to make the marriage work and stood by him despite his narcissistic behavior. YOU can hold your head up high knowing that everyone knows what a cheating weasel liar he is and move on with your life. Remember, you are so lucky to be rid of him. It's so much easier than having to leave him. Look at all the women on here having such a hard time making the final break. That's because their narcissist is a brilliant manipulator and knows exactly what to say and do to make them consider staying with him. Their genius actors! Be grateful you do not have to endure this. It's absolutely maddening. You deserve a clean break from this man so you can move on and be open to meeting other men who are capable of real, genuine love. Hang in there and remember these things. Big Hugs, Lisa
Apr 22 - 10PM (Reply to #4)
Elena
Elena's picture

Thank you!

Ladies, I've been meaning to write to you all day, but work got busy. I wanted to let you know that I read your messages first thing this morning and they were so uplifting, they picked me up to be able to begin my day in a positive tone! Thank you! I really appreciate it. I feel so understood, and supported by you. I don't have Facebook, my sister just showed me, but I will not look at him again. Lisa, you're right, he has absolutely no shame. And now that I think about it, it is easier this way - he left on his own. I can see how difficult it has been for all the other women to leave the narcissist. I will remind myself of these things. Thank you so much!!!
Apr 22 - 11PM (Reply to #5)
Lisa E. Scott
Lisa E. Scott's picture

Ruby

I'm so glad you're feeling better today! And yes, be glad he left on his own so you do not have to endure the long process of deciding whether to leave a narcissist. He made it easier for you! Be grateful. xoxo, Lisa
Apr 22 - 6AM (Reply to #3)
Barbara (not verified)
Anonymous's picture

social networking and narcs

first off Social Networking this latest way predators are trolling for prey second - a lot of Narcs and Ps are now trying to brush up their reputation on Social Networking. Make themselves look ok or 'gee he has a lot of friend' Psycho-boy has over 900 friends on FACEBOOK. And, get this - I just was notified he's using TWITTER to TROLL FOR ABUSE VICTIMS so he can swoop in, look like the knight in shining armor and then use them sexually and dump them. here's something that might help: http://www.giftfromwithin.org/html/spousal.html Just keep telling yourself YOU DID ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG -- YOU WERE A TARGET! ~~~~~~~~~~~~ My site: http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com Cost-Effective Coaching for Victims of Pathologicals http://one2one4victims.webs.com/
Apr 22 - 2AM (Reply to #2)
Mariline
Mariline's picture

Oh Lisa, your words are so

Oh Lisa, your words are so true. The big fake smile........I remember it. It is indeed a big, FAKE smile. Ruby, you should read the article posted by Barbara about "The other woman". In my opinion, we all should print it out and frame it. Yes he has discrded you for someone else. As I read in the blog Knitting at the Guillotine, this discard is your ultimate salvation. Remember these words because they are true. A marriage can end for many reasons. But there are so many ways to leave each other. So many ways to face a loss, a failure. With the Ns, you are ensured to get it the WORSE way. Because they are the worse. Remember: Safe People are people who draw you closer to who you were meant to be spiritually, emotionally, mentally and physically. They encourage you to be your most loving, growing self. (Emotional Abusers- Heartless Bitches International)