Peter Pan

My son and I kind of share a counselor. He thinks we are doing really well under the circumstances. He has intimated that he sees a whole lot worse..because neither partner is living in reality. He tries to encourage me that I am doing a good job handling things as they stand and working toward becoming more independent. I think he has a real soft spot for my son. Here is a segment from that PP book about chauvinism that SO described (IMO)my spouse and what I DON'T want to happen to my son. "Chauvinism is a key ingredient in the PPS victim's "maturity" for a number of reasons. It closes the gap between him and his father. He follows in his father's footsteps and feels that now his father will love him. He sees himself as a man's man and believes that Daddy will eventually praise him for it. It explains away his anger and guilt toward his mother. His chauvinism dismisses Mom's complaining as an unfortunate but natural inclination of women. Chauvinism answers the nagging self-doubts associated with the man's sexuality. He decides that his sexual inadequacies are actually the girl's fault. SHE has the sexual hangups, not him. He concludes that the problem is that women take advantage of his generosity and kindess. This in turn increases his callousness. It cements his relationships with other men as it defines his masculinity. It also gives him a chance to find steady work in a "man's world" where his problems with women are shared by his boss and co-workers/ Finally, and maybe most important, chauvinism is a PPS victim's way of pretending he is a grown-up. It gives an overall consistency to his life of pretense and denial. Hand in hand, narcissism and chauvinism give him a self-serving attitude that is rooted in self-deception. His prejudices become wisdom; his rigidity, understanding; and his callousness, worldliness. It's amazing how a soft, sensitive kid can turn into such a social monster. In fact, the more sensitive he was as a child, the more entrenched the chauvinism is in the man. This really shouldn't come as a surprise. Once you grasp the emotional insecurity associated with loneliness and sexual conflict, and see how narcissism permits the victim to excuse his shortcomings, the emergence of chauvinism as the final symptom of the PPS makes sense. It's the logical, albeit irrational, outcome of a struggle that has been going on most of the man's life. To round out your understanding of the PPS victim's chauvinism, keep in mind that the sexist attitude is not so much an attack on women as it is a defense against rejection. It's another in a long list of lies perpetuated by the victim to make himself feel justified in living the way he does."