Survived 2 Ns

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#1 March 9, 2009 - 9:56am
GhostBuster
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Survived 2 Ns

Hello everyone. So glad to have found this website. And looking very forward to reading Lisa's book.

In the meantime, here's a little bit about my story. I was involved with 2 narcissists--back to back relationships. The first one was somatic, the second cerebral. After surviving the somatic, I was so attuned to their shenanigans that I thought I knew how to spot a narcissist from miles away. Boy, was I wrong. The cerebral has more stealthy tactics but eventually reveal the same underlying narcissism once the "mask" comes off. I almost married the cerebral N two months ago but called it off. I was left in shambles, trying to figure out what happened--how he pulled the jekyll & hyde without me seeing it coming. While I know they are great actors--especially the first 3-6 months, I now realize I ignored a few tell-tale signs. Both of my Ns had sexual dysfunction issues--which doesn't mean they're narcissists, but from what I understand narcissists usually have these issues (derived form intimacy problems).

Anyway, much more to say but wanted to share a little bit now and am looking forward to contributing more and helping others avoid these evil creaturees going forward.

March 14, 2009 - 4:26pm
Carolyn
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how many of these 'gentlemen' are there?

The statistics on these narcissists state that there are very few in the total population. how can they be identified they don't have an identifiction and if all of us know and have experiences with these men then how many are there in reality. this site will help a little I didn't know there were 2 different types. Good going that you got away and are helping others. Carolyn
March 14, 2009 - 5:51pm (Reply to #6)
Lisa E. Scott
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Prevalence of Narcissism is under-reported

Exactly! I believe there are so many more narcissists than reported. The reason is that narcissists do not see anything wrong with their behavior so they do not seek help or therapy. As a result, the prevalence of narcissism is hugely under-reported. Narcissists do not want to be revealed or "found out." Their behavior works quite well for them!
March 9, 2009 - 10:53pm
Lisa E. Scott
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Ghostbuster

Ghostbuster - I am so glad you found our messageboard. Together we can help each other through this difficult time. Recovering from the disillusionment of a narcissist is a difficult process and one that takes time, but I know that we can help each other through this. Cerebral narcissists are harder to spot because they are so clever and know exactly what they need to do to keep you "under their spell." I can see how you easily fell for another narcissist, especially a cerebral one. In my book, I write about two narcissists that I loved, but believe me, there were more. They are brilliant actors and unbelievably charming. We cannot beat ourselves up for falling for them, but we can help others recognize these men before they get hurt and for that, I am grateful. I feel we have a responsibility to warn others about these terrible men and I'm so glad you feel the same way. In the process, we can all help each other heal and move on. Best, Lisa
March 10, 2009 - 9:19am (Reply to #2)
better off
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Charming is a VERB

I once read somewhere (wish I could remember where) to think of the word "charming" as a verb, and not an adjective. Someone who is charming...think about it...is doing something TO you. They are charmING you. Be on guard. Although...I usually am on guard with people, and a good "read" of others, and I still fell completely under the spell of my man.
March 10, 2009 - 9:27am (Reply to #3)
GhostBuster
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What is it about charm?

I was thinking last night about charming men and wondering why it is we, and society, think so highly of charm. I mean we're pretty much conditioned to be more attracted to charming, attractive people than those who aren't so attractive and communicate with less showmanship. In the wake of suffering from two narcissists (both good looking and charming in their own ways--somatic and cerebral) I'm confronting my preferences in men and what "excites" me especially initially--that makes me give someone a chance. Some call it being shallow--and guess what, doing so has gotten me involved with men who were about an inch deep--deep down. Just something I'm thinking about. By the way, my name GhostBuster conveys my desire to bust all those narcissistic ghosts out there that are wreaking havok on our lives.
March 10, 2009 - 10:37pm (Reply to #4)
Lisa E. Scott
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Think of Charm as a Verb!

Better Off - you make such a good point - we should think of charm as a verb from now on! Narcissists enjoy charming us. They engage in this action specifically to get a reaction from us. If you think about it, the very act of charm is almost manipulative in and of itself, isn't it? Yet, like you said, Ghostbuster, why is it we are all so attracted to it? I guess we've been socialized to be drawn to it. Look at our society. Our culture breeds narcissism. Reality television is full of narcissists trying to get themsleves in the spotlight. Look at the popular characters on television - Charlie Sheen on Two and a half Men and the obnoxious guy on How I Met Your Mother. Movies are full of narcissistic characters too - American Psycho - Christian Bale - even in real life, this guy seems like a total narcissist, doesn't he? Yet, these men are glamorized and put on a pedestal in our culture. It's sad, really. Which is why it is so important we build awareness on this topic so we can, as Ghostbuster cleverly puts it "bust these narcissistic ghosts that are wreaking havok on our lives." We will get there, believe me. It may take some time, but we will get society to recognize narcissistic behavior for what it is. People will begin to see a narcissist for who he really is, regardless of how charming, fun and loveable he pretends to be. Best, Lisa